Hello everyone, I'm Caulfield. I've been lurking these forums for a long time, especially the other journals and lay reports and I've finally decided to track my own progress. I'm 17 years old and I live in Belgium, so please excuse any bad English.

Background information
I'm currently in my last year of high school, which means next year I'll get to pick a university. However, I have a pretty strong desire to travel around Europe for a year and study afterwards. I really want to do this but I still have to work out any concrete plans. I definitely want to see the Northern lights one day in my life, it's the first thing on my bucket list.

Working out and listening to music are my main hobbies, this involves going to concerts; mostly alone because my friends aren't into the music I am into. I don't mind however and I think it's a great opportunity to 'sarge'.

I'm also very interested in philosophy and I think that's what I want to study later, but I'm unsure because we all know a philosophy degree is pretty useless these days. Still, I want to do what I want to do and not what makes the most money.

Goals
I have set a few goals for myself to achieve. They go from 'very important' to 'not so important':

• Be able to approach any person confidently and without fear
  This is a big one for me. I've made it a habit of saying 'hello' or something of sorts when I'm walking down the street and I'm meeting people, but it's very unusual in my country which means people usually ignore it. I have no problems asking for directions or anything so that's that. But approaching a girl with the intent of 'courting' her is a very hard thing for me to do. It's like my brain suddenly freezes, and my body with it.
• Get a better-looking body
  This goal is mostly in check. Going to the gym has become one of my daily habits. The only thing really stopping me is eating enough (it's very hard - I'm naturally skinny) and binge-drinking on the weekends.
• Make it a habit of studying
  School has always been pretty easy for me. I never had to study or try my best to get good grades. As a result I have a hard time just sitting down and studying material, I always get distracted. But I realize I'll have to learn to study if I want to pass university. Studying now will also up my grades this year which will only work in my favor.
• Read more
  Reading is something I hold in a very high regard but I don't do it as much as I should. I always go on the internet to read stupid random stuff. I want to read most books that are regarded as classics and books about philosophy.
• Have sex on a regular basis
  Whether it be with a friend-with-benefits or one-night-stands. I'm still a virgin but I don't mind so much. Most of my friends aren't but they have all been in a relationship for the last two years. I realize girls my age aren't very keen on having one-night-stands and are looking for a 'serious' relationship, but I'm simply not. This makes this goal very hard to achieve and may come just with age.

Diagnosis - what's stopping me from achieving these goals?
Let's look at what hinders my progress.

• Approach Anxiety
  This is a big one. As I said before I've no problem with asking for trivial things such as directions but holding a longer conversation is really hard. How do I overcome this?
• Distractions/apathy
  Whenever I want to do something productive, I end up mindlessly browsing the internet. This hinders with my studying and reading goals. I have no idea how to end this also, it's stronger than myself it seems. Sometimes I have a day I'm feeling really productive (rarely, though) and I finish a lot of schoolwork and books but the next day I'm back to square one.
• Not knowing what to say in a social situation
  A very big one as well. My brain just freezes or I talk about stupid, random stuff. I know people say it's more about how you say it vs. what you say, but I still feel this is holding me back majorly.
• Not escalating/touching women
  I simply don't unless I feel really confident about it. Probably because I fear rejection, I should get over this.

Thanks for reading, and any input is greatly appreciated. Soon this thread will be filled with my interactions with women and other self-improvement stuff.

Diagnosis - what's stopping me from achieving these goals?
Let's look at what hinders my progress.

Approach Anxiety
This is a big one. As I said before I've no problem with asking for trivial things such as directions but holding a longer conversation is really hard. How do I overcome this?


Through making approaching a habit, everywhere you go, 3 second rule, practice practice practice

Distractions/apathy
Whenever I want to do something productive, I end up mindlessly browsing the internet. This hinders with my studying and reading goals. I have no idea how to end this also, it's stronger than myself it seems. Sometimes I have a day I'm feeling really productive (rarely, though) and I finish a lot of schoolwork and books but the next day I'm back to square one.

The power of habit, sterilize your work environment, time management, set work based goals, which unlike outcome based goals are always doable


Not knowing what to say in a social situation
A very big one as well. My brain just freezes or I talk about stupid, random stuff. I know people say it's more about how you say it vs. what you say, but I still feel this is holding me back majorly.

get some routines and scripts to put this on autopilot, being more comfortable will help but its not going to greatly increase your wit, and your still going to have afc habits which are more likely to occur when your going impromptu

Not escalating/touching women
I simply don't unless I feel really confident about it. Probably because I fear rejection, I should get over this.

This is also just a matter of manning up and going for it, no way to teach this, risk creepy

detox75, thanks for taking the time to reply. I guess it just is a matter of "manning up" and doing it. It's easier said than done but I guess there's no other option. I've been thinking about what causes this anxiety I have, and I realized it's not so much a matter of being afraid of the approach itself. When I want to approach a girl there's one thought which dominates me: I don't know what to say, even if I can open with some kind of routine I have no idea how to follow, I'll go blank and look like an idiot" And then I just don't approach. It probably is a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. In regular situations (except with friends I've known for quite a long time) I don't always know what to say/how to respond either. I'm probably just a bad conversationalist, how can I improve this? I read some of kasabi's posts and decided to try freefall writing. Any other suggestions?
Just 'manning up' as well? It's pretty hard for me but I guess with enough motivation it will come. Everyday after school we have two hours of studying time which we should use to study, but I end up just sleeping. I worked for about half an hour but I'll try to improve. Getting enough sleep will help too.
Will read up on some routines/scripts to hold on for the time being. But I really want to be able to improvise and be witty.
Noted. Again, thanks for replying.

====

As for today, I've tried to touch women in general more but I'm still a retard at having a conversation. At least, what would be called "fluff talk". If things get serious, so to speak, I have no problem talking. For example today during Philosophy I talked my ass off, but that's probably because the subject interests me. I'm still not flirty, witty or clever.

I've also been catching up on some reading, particularly Nietzsche and it has been pretty eye-opening in some aspects. Such enlightening moments definitely motivate me to keep doing what I'm doing.

Long time no see. I've been pretty busy as of late, school and gym take up most of my time. Been reading as well.

I'm also not fapping for the entire month of November. Which should be hard, the longest I've ever been without fapping (since I started of course) is exactly one week (which is also today since I haven't fapped since October 31st actually). It's strange what's happening to me, I'm definitely A LOT more in the moment, not analyzing. I feel more energised, my brain is less foggy, I find it easier to focus and I got better at holding conversations. That last part is really important as it's a major sticking point for me. All is well, I hope can keep up this no-fap thing because it's amazing. I recommend it to everyone!

Manning up is in no way trivial. The reason it is hard is because we have our place in the social ladder embedded in our subconscious. So, like most of us, if you are not a natural high status male, you arnt gonna rationalize yourself to that result and change your physche overnight. Resetting your place in the social hierarchy is a hard and gradual process best accomplished through constant practice, belief shirts, leading to positive results and reinforcement.