I arrive in uni, confident, walking tall. Everyone's quite shyer than I expected, so seizing control is quite easy at times.

I talk to girls casually, trying to build a feel for the social dynamics here. Then I see this girl, SPAM of mine. Let's her D. She's beautiful but so shy - exactly the kind of girl I'm looking for.
Trouble is, I've been overconfident/borderline-pushy, so she got scared and regressed backwards.
My SPAM tell me I'm friendzoned with her. Haven't heard that since high school.

But I call bullshit on that. This girl's best friend, with whom I have a trusting relationship, told me it's not my fault. It's that D's not looking for romance now, and if she did she'd be reluctant to be with me; we share almost all classes, we're SPAM, so she's scared that if we got together and then broke up, seeing each other so often would be bad.

But this sounds like comfort talk to me.

Thus, confidence drops below zero - but I don't show it. Instead, I act cool around D. As we walk to our classes I game other girls, build jealousness. Even told her playfully she's friendzoned with me. She seemed... confused.
Most of the time, she's cool. Other times signs surface.
Or maybe I'm just dreaming them up.

I'm aware she's a one-itis. But every time I go out and meet other girls my thoughts unwind back to her. And when I see her talking to other guys, even though I know they're just friends, I get so fucked up on the inside and rage it's unbelievable.
Plus I'm quite self destructive, and this is taking its toll on me.

Even though I need more comfort with her, I just want to get her to my room to study, look her in the eye and spill everything out.
But that would probably destroy me.

...any advice please?

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"-What power would hell have if those imprisoned here would not be able to dream of heaven?"
-Dream to Lucifer and the citizens of Hell.

You have some insecurities. But that should not make your confidence drop at all. Right now in your head you derive your confidence from other people. So for example if a lot of girls talk to you, you will feel like a boss. If girls keep on rejecting you, you will feel down and low-confidence. So the fact that this girl is not talking to you makes you feel that you're not good with girls. Therefore, you try to make this girl like you to convince yourself that you can get her and you are a confident guy. However you don't realize that it's not that your bad it's just the fact that you guys don't match plain and simple. You also have no boundaries and therefore would do practically anything to get a girl to like you which is needy. Because you invest into her much more than you invest in yourself. The more you invest into a girl the more needy you seem.

To fix this up you will need to change your mindset a little bit.

1)Here is how your mindset should be when approaching dealing with girls "let me walk up to this girl and see if we like each other and if she doesn't match XYZ then I will just walk away". Set up the XYZ these are the boundaries which you require a girl have. For example some of my boundaries are if a girl delays meeting up with me more than twice I tell her " It was nice meeting you but I think your wasting both of our times by procrastinating and we shouldn't meet anymore". So create you boundaries and hold girls responsible if they break them.

2) Have low expectation when talking to girls. Be prepared for the interaction to fail at any time. This takes you outside of your head and you don't try hard to get the girl to like you because your prepared for the interaction to fail and don't care if it fails. This is one of the most powerful mindsets to have. Whenever I come in with this mindset my whole game changes I feel like I am bulletproof because no rejection or blowout will affect me at all.

3) Persistence. It's easy to get caught up in this feeling of failure. Sometimes you will think your whole game is wrong and you will never be good with girls. This feeling is false and irrational.
Good luck.


- Amazing Art -

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"Experience is the teacher of all things"

i was in a situation 1-2 weeks ago, girl i was afraid would friendzone me, who did not look for a romantic partner, who would never date anyone from her school!
However i won her over, and now i am fucking her on regally basis, and if you ask me, in 2-4 weeks we will officially be in a relationship! so yes it can happen!
first of all, dont give a fuck what other people say about her and about you, when guys sees you having something they want, even your best friends, they will deny it, and try to fuck it up, even if they are not aware of what they are doing! so don't give a fuck what others are saying! believe in it and you can accomplish it!

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

AmazingArt, you're spot on. I'm aware of my situation, and how I shouldn't be so fucked up over her - hell, we're not even that well connected.
But eventually, something has to happen. I'm an all or nothing guy, and I can't just let go.

What should my plan be from now on? Just be just friendly/cool, build comfort while we're all day together, and keep the jealousy switch on (discreetly of course)?

----
Btw Valdemar you're right too. One of the guys that told me she's not interested was indirectly chasing her.

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"-What power would hell have if those imprisoned here would not be able to dream of heaven?"
-Dream to Lucifer and the citizens of Hell.

If you are afraid that you might end up in the friendzone then make sure not to end up there, it is the worst feeling ever!
Try and keep a good eye contact, it has always helped me!

and they can also try to stop you just because then don't think you deserve her, like if she's an 9 and you are a 6, they will tell you that you can't get her only because she might be better looking

_________________
My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

Lol actually I'm anti-friendzone in every way possible: constant eye contact, constant discreet smile, walking tall, making conversation with anyone I want to.

It comes to me that I might've taken her for granted in the start, treating her as a trophy and not a relationship, so she got scared... God sometimes I wish I lived in ancient greece.

Is there another limbo you can get stuck in, apart from friendzone?

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"-What power would hell have if those imprisoned here would not be able to dream of heaven?"
-Dream to Lucifer and the citizens of Hell.

Oneiros,

I am facing the exact same thing. I think Uni girls (18-24) ages, tend to be VERY fickle and flaky. Some of them have their priorities based on school only (depends on your university) others are just confusing....really.

All i can say is, don't invest anything at all. I have a problem to be upfront with this current girl as I'm enjoying the company she is providing me (whilst she tells me she has a boyfriend - yet have lunch with me and hangs out with me alot) - and she turns her flirt on at times and off at others.

So either be upfront or just remain overanalyzing and consistently pondering. Once you know whats the deal, you can move on entirely.