BACKGROUND; Been in a relationship with an HB8 Brazilian girl for near 5 months. She has never given me any major issues or a reason not to trust her. We have an equal sex drive. Similar goals and she has the most compatable personality for me I've ever encountered. All things considered I might just be on to a winner. This is the kind of girl I'd see myself marrying...and as I'm near 30 theses things need to be taken seriously.

THE GIANT LEAP; So she has been in my country for a year and will be returning back to Rio in the new year. She has asked me to come with her as she loves me and sees her future with me. I also see a future with her and she knows that if I don't join her the relationship is essentially over.

I've worked out that it's possible for me to move there as I'm self employed and can do my business there. In fact it may be very beneficial for my career if I move to brazil. Plus she is from a very wealthy family and she says that she will be able to get me a job in a big company her family is in.

This is a massive step especially as we have not been going out for a particularly long time. My parents are supportive...her family is supportive and she already has her own house there in a nice neighbourhood.

I have a few concerns though...

In this relationship I've tried to be the male that leads and has the power. I've lead and she has followed. With this move it may reverse this dynamic as she will lead and I will follow. I will need her help with the language, job, social life and everything really. I don't want this to lessen her attraction and make this adventure (if I choose to go) pointless/end in disaster!

The time we have known eachother does not bother me. My parents got engaged after 3 months and are still going strong after over 30 years. Also I'm aware that its better to try and fail than not try at all!

It's just such a huge decision that affects everything in my life. However I have been wishing for an adventure for a few years now and this might just be the opportunity of a lifetime regarding, work, love and my future.


Does anyone have any advice for making such a huge transition successful? How do I remain congruent in such a different setting with the guy she's fallen in love with?

Plus she also has a concern that she has voiced to me a few times. She is afraid about other Brazilian girls trying to steal me away from her as she said there will be a lot of them interested in me. Her Brazilian friends also said the same thing about other girls trying to steal me away when I'm there.

It seems some girls over there (from the poorer) backgrounds can be very sexually forward to westerners living there as they view us as a ticket to a better lifestyle. She said it's not uncommon for these girls to be very attractive so she fears I might fall for one.

I took this as a sign of insecurity so I tried to say that you get these girls locally and I don't fall for it here so I'll see through it there! Though I still know she's concerned.

Hello gtdave,

I don't think the dynamics will necessarily change. You seem like a competent, outgoing and fun person to be with, so I wouldn't worry too much. It takes a real man to accept help when he needs it, for example with language and social life in the beginning. It is clear this girls has strong feelings for you and they won't change overnight unless you change your character drastically.
What you can do is try to keep your independence as much as possible. Don't jump at the first opportunity to work for their company, but keep your business going - in case things don't work out as you hoped for, it will be great to still have your business.
Establish an independent social circle as soon as possible and strive to learn the language quickly, maybe you can start with a language course right away.
Make sure you feel ok leaving your life behind, but if you crave adventure, this shouldn't be too hard, just make sure you're doing it for you and not "for her". If you keep this frame of mind, I don't think she can lose respect for you, since you're not following her, but have decided to do this for yourself.
I think this could be great for you, nothing opens up the mind as much as living in another culture. And last but not least, she does feel a bit insecure about other girls, and rightfully so, judging by the stories I've heard about Brazilenas So you still have the upper hand in being the prize. Don't overuse it though.

People who live in Rio usually fall in love with the city, it's a special place, I think you'll have an amazing time there. It may be hard to be the gringo at times, but really, the fact that you're an American there is an immediate and permanent DHV. The only trouble is, you never know if people want to be around you because of you or because of your passport, so be careful when choosing friends. On the other hand, If you're moving in the circle of rich people, you don't have anything to worry about.

Good luck and let us know what you decide!

P.S. I envy you

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

I agree with Txacoli.

Go for it! You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't and spend your days wondering "what if."

Even if it doesn't work out in the end, it would not be a mistake, because you will have an awesome life experience and know that you were man enough to take a risk.

These are type of opportunities that most people would kill for. You'd be a fool and a coward to pass it up.

I'm engaged!!!

My girlfriend just proposed to me today!

Stunned and shocked and very happy!!

Haha, or maybe I've framed myself as the prize

Just do it. You will absolutely regret not doing it.

Yea your right! It's just too interesting an opportunity to turn down. Plus when It comes down to it we both see a future together and don't want to consider breaking up.

This will be a wild ride whatever happens. Ill keep you guys informed as putting my thoughts on here is like my form of making sense of things.

Yea your right! It's just too interesting an opportunity to turn down. Plus when It comes down to it we both see a future together and don't want to consider breaking up.

This will be a wild ride whatever happens. Ill keep you guys informed as putting my thoughts on here is like my form of making sense of things.

congrats bro, yeah go for it!

gtdave, I'm so happy for you. I'm in a similar situation with my girl, or ex-girl as it seems now that she's moved away. Please keep us updated on how you're going, i'm interested to know how things turn out.

Best of luck and congrats.

Perhaps it's too late to add these cautionary words of wisdom. You are really putting yourself out there by moving to another country. What if the relationship goes sour? So many of them do. Now you are stuck in some far off land where you don't even speak their languauge. I guess you can move back, but still. Major headache potential. My worry would be that you get down there and find that you don't fit in with all her family and stuff, then the tension grows and you feel obligated to conform because you really want things to work out. Then before you know it you are middle aged and in a situation you are not happy/comfortable with.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

I appreciate the caution and I've actually already thought about all of your points. I guess everything is always a risk.

I'd rather be the middle aged man who things didn't work out for than the middle aged man wondering "what if".

Plus if I'm unhappy I'm not going to stick around in a foreign country. Ill come home and my family will help me get through it.

Just don't become the martyr.

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Try to live your life like your dream is real