Hey guys, I've just come out with a night out with some friends and something's been highlighted for me, nothing new but thought I'd ask for advice.

Sometimes I get really fucking angry. When I perceive an injustice, or someone behaving in a way which I feel deserves correction I feel a deep primal impulse to right the wrong. It can happen with women, but I've never been violent with women at least. I just flip and go in evil mode. Like today there was a girl who is an aquantences new girlfriend. I introduced myself in a friendly way and she was rude in her mannerisms. I just instantly flipped into evil mode inside and the rest of the night would ignore her when she eventually tried talking to me, and would make snide remarks talking about how something smelled like shit but pointing at her etc. Couldn't stop.. it's a really intense feeling like you want to put someone down until their ego is completely destroyed. But it seems like justice.

Sometimes when someone just looks at me the wrong way I fucking flip. I have a good heart with good people, but when I perceive injustice or someone who's stuck up and doing wrong I feel they need to be punished. I know it's wrong... and about 6 months ago I had to go to court for threatening a guy with a broken bottle, and I've calmed down since then... but still I get really fucking annoyed.

Should people get away with shit? When will they fucking learn their lesson??! Should we just be a fucking doormat letting them behave in whatever way... it fucking pisses me off, but then I end up feeling like fucking shit. I've destroyed my entire room and DVD collection recently because I walked away from a confrontation while trying to calm myself down, but I just exploded when I got home.

I sometimes used to get violent with men, but with women I used to say stuff like "I wouldn't even fucking spit on your fucking face, you're worse then dog shit on the bottom of my shoe" just if they were a little bit rude.

I think I'm pretty fucked up.

This is the result of your insecurities and search for masculinity manifesting themselves as anger and aggressiveness.

You have deep personal insecurities where you likely don't feel good enough, but you also have a great deal of pride. The combination causes you to be overly-concerned and overly-receptive to other people's reactions to you, and when they don't respond to you 100% the way you feel they should, your insecurity causes you to perceive it an insult, while you pride causes you to get angry and seek revenge in an "I'll show you!" kind of way.

Let's take a look at the girl you introduced yourself to. You introduced yourself to her in a friendly way. I imagine you expected her to respond to you in an equally friendly manner. But, she didn't respond the way you wanted her to, so you took it as a personal insult, for which you needed to seek revenge. What other people do is their karma, how you respond is yours.

You say the gay was "rude in her mannerisms," but was she really? Or was it just how you perceived it? Perhaps she was just shy to meet new people?
Or, very likely, she had heard that you can be aggressive, immature, and a jerk at times, and developed preconceived notions prior to meeting you. So, when you introduced yourself, she thought "oh, this is THAT guy." If that's the case, did your behavior that followed do anything to change that preconception, or did you only confirm it for her?

The only person you are punishing is yourself. You are not in control of your own emotions. You think you are gaining power over someone by acting the way you do toward them, but you are actually giving your power away. Another person cannot make you angry, unless you allow them to do so. You are letting other people, and the actions of other people, have power over your emotions.
Whenever someone does or says something that would normally make me angry in the past, I now say to myself "I'm not going to let this person affect my mood. I won't allow them to have that kind of power over me."

You've got to get your emotions and insecurities under control, by changing mindset about yourself and about the world around you. Start reading material from the men's movement and stuff about inner game.

I'm going to suggest a few materials for you.
1. "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.
2. "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover" by Robert Moore.
3. "On Being a Man Who Naturally Attracts Women" by David Deangelo
4. "Man Enough" by Frank Pittman
5. "How to be a No Limit Person" by Wayne Dyer

Get a hold of those books/audios, read/listen to them, take them seriously, learn about yourself, and learn how to be your best self.

You have anger management issues, clearly.

Keep in mind that angry, aggressive, bitter people are just plain ugly and such a turn off and really annoying to be around. So you are hurting yourself by enacting that persona.

I've had issues with being rude and sarcastic, sometimes even snapping, especially in road rage scenarios. Not a good look. When I was in martial arts my master taught us the virtue of patience above all others. I never knew why he focused on that so much until later in life. I've had some interesting conversations with a really religious friend on the concept of forgiveness. I thought it was a weakness, but he says it's a strength. Think about that. Discuss that with someone you know. Then internalize it.

One thing that helps me is to make it a challenge to endure what I feel like are great injustices, no matter how wrong or absurd they may be. Not long ago some random bumbling old gay guy damaged my car by being a complete moron. Then he lied to me and has been avoiding me so he doesn't have to pay the hundreds of dollars it would cost to fix my car. I've had some seriously demented thoughts going through my mind about revenge and what not. But I will probably just accept what he did and let karma handle it for me. I'm angry and frustrated, but this is a test to my character and will power. If I pass this test I am a better person. Try to have that sort of mindset.

_________________
“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

I think you're spot on man. Sometimes I feel really great and everyone treats me the way I want, and then when it changes it confuses the shit out of me and I flip out.
Yes, it does feel like giving my power away because I end up fuming for ages afterwards when they're gone. I think you're right, I just have to not let them affect my moold and learn how to refocus on something positive really quickly. I don't think it's going to be easy though.

Yeah, that's been part of the spiral. I'd get pissed off with someone, then other people would react and I'd get even more pissed off. About a year ago I went into a burger joint with a samuri sword and threatened the owner cause he told me to get out after I accused him of jizzing in the mayonaise.... I can laugh about it now, I was clearly the asshole in the situation and I'm suprised I didn't get arrested. But I've calmed down a lot since then, I won't get violent with anyone but sometimes the emotions get so intense and difficult to control.
Yeah, you know I do believe in forgiveness. A big part of me wants to brush stuff off and not let it affect me, but the other part wants justice to be served and to teach others a lesson. I guess I have to really believe that I would be a better person by forgiving others for transgressions.

HoldOrflod.

what steps do you think you will take to achieving your goal of becoming a more calm and attractive person?

Well I'm going to stop drinking so much on the weekends, because it usually happens when I've been drinking. Also I've learned to breathe and count to 10, that helps a little bit if you keep on doing it.

I'm also trying to change my feelings to feeling sorry for people when they do wrong instead of angry towards them. It's like with criminals if they do something wrong, you could feel angry towards them or instead feel sorry for them.