It's true; sometimes I do get the urge to contact her and spill my guts out, but I treat it like a stomach ache and just let the feeling pass.

I thought No Contact is supposed to make getting over her easier, lol. I hate the fact that I have her number memorized; otherwise I'd just take a baseball bat to my phone.

It's just the feeling of "wow, she really doesn't give two shits about me" that bugs me the most.

Oh well. "It's not about how hard you can hit; It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward".

Take this attitude and serve it rite back at her!
Then hunt down some hottys!

That will cure this Better than anything!

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

For now, you have two options.

1: Send her a text, bring forth all the emotions you've tried for over two weeks to suppress, either she won't reply and you'll feel even shittier than you did before. Or she will reply with somethign like "I don't deserve you", "I'm not as good as you think i am" and other "I'm fucking the other guy, while you are in the friendzone" replies. Not a nice thought, I know, but it's realistic, and you have to understand this in order to stick to your guns.

2: You don't text her, and eventually you will forget her (even though it doesn't feel that way now). Remember that no matter how shitty you feel now, sending her a text will only make it worse. What often helps is to try and put it in a more cynical 3rd person point of view. "I've invested a lot emotionally in her. Even though it sucks to throw away the time and resources I've spent on her and just forget her, it's better than to invest even more and make it even harder at a point further down the road."


Yeah, I know that it's not easy. It's basically your brain pumping chemicals into your body. It's actually a small comfort that what you feel is something physical and inevitable, hopefully realizing that will help you to not act upon it.

The last tip I can give you is rebound sex. Simply game another girl and f-close her. It can seem like a hard thing to do in your current state, but believe me, it does miracles!

Hope this helps.


- The Dice

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Alea iacta est - The die has been cast

Thanks Dice, that actually does help.

I think I just need to keep my mind off of her. I have fucked somebody else, but it just didn't feel the same; like there was a disconnect or something.

Oh well, it's barely been two weeks. Let's see how I feel in 30 days.

I don't think you handled it well.

Ok, you should talk things out... But, i would've never talked to her again at this point.
Also, I think you where way to nice to her. [/quote]

There are loads of subtle things in your original post that make a huge difference to the advice people should give you and the reason is because your not sure what you want.

You should spend this time figuring out what it is you want because that is what got you into this situation in the first place.

During this whole thing she kept a guy in reserve. All girls do this. You as a guy have been brought up by your mum to think 'don't do that to other girls its morally wrong.'
But hey women do it why can't a guy?. She did this to you so you should also keep options. It will at least keep you distracted enough to minimise any AFC actions you might make.



Trust me she is feeling the exact same way BUT. She kept that guy in reserve. (She only kept him there because you wouldn't commit and she wanted to minimise the impact). That guy is the difference between her turning AFC and spilling her guts up to you. The more you spill your guts up the less chance of being with her you have.

The way to getting over her and the way to get her back are the exact same. No contact and try to move on. Show her your moving on and that you don't need her. Spilling your guts out to her has the opposite effect. Once you are over a girl that is the point they mysteriously want you back and the reason for this is However this is even more powerful because you have demonstrated this through actions and not words. 'ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS'.

So if you want to move on or get her back the course of action to take is exactly the same and that is what you have already been doing minus the AFC moments.






I'd like to point out I believe this is your biggest mistake. All you have done here is set up another obstacle for her to overcome before she gives in and contacts you first. You should be indifferent but what you have communicated to her is that you care about her. counter productive to get her to think you don't care about her. In future just drop all contact without explaining ourself. You don't have to explain yourself. There is no written law stating that you must and by explaining you actually make things harder for yourself.

Jambi:

I just figured that, if she did one day break no contact, it would mean a lot more, since she had to overcome that obstacle of me telling her not to. I mean, if she really wanted to get back together with me, I'd figure she'd do whatever it takes. Woman like a challenge, right?

Or maybe I should of just left it as is. I don't know. But I suppose there's no way to rectify the situation regardless. I would be silly of me to break contact just to say "you can message me if you want". Lol, even typing that sounds stupid.

Do you think there is a point in time where I could just break contact? But that sort of shows that I'm thinking about her more than she's thinking about me.

I'm thinking the only solution is to just leave it be. If she does contact me, then I'll re-think the situation. If not, then hopefully, in time, I won't give a shit.

By what has happened you can only do 1 right thing.
Ignore her.
Statisticly shown you have a gigantic chance she will hurt you again in some way... might as well be a smart guy about it and avoid it totally! It's like you were swimming at this place in the sea. You got bitten by a shark and saw many many more of them. Next time you pass that beach will you swim again init to find out there can (probably) and will be a shark again and thus be bitten again? No, you stay out and find a better spot with nice fish.

You handled things very well. I truly admire your calm and patience and how mature and understanding you were about the whole thing.

It is probably for the best, if you are able to resist the urge of calling her. Is there anything you can do to get your mind into something else for the time being? A new hobby, travelling, friends etc.? Starting something new that you weren't able to when in a relationshi`p? It would be a good time for that.

The new guy possibly won't last, but for now, it's better not to make contact too early. Stay strong.

Churchill: "When you're going through Hell, keep going."

Tough situation, all in all you handled it like a champ.

Thanks for your reply guys. I know I need to stay strong and stay in no contact, but it's just so hard.

I know I shouldn't think about her, or dwell on the break up, but it's something I deal with everyday. The first 2 weeks seem easier then now; I really don't know why, but I guess I just need to push through it. It only gets better, right?

Or maybe I should break my fingers so I can't text or call her when I get the urge to lol.

By the way, I really like that Churchill quote Fatale.

Well, nothing to do but hold the line, keep moving forward and stay the course. No half measures.

Day 19 . Why the hell am I counting?

Guys,

Can you tell me why you think he handled the situation well?

What I see, he wanted her and he didn't get her. I think we are missing the point in this thread.

Bit of an update:

So after 21 days of strict NO CONTACT, she came by the place where we both volunteer.

I should mention that this is where we met; however, after she broke up with me, she told me she was going to stop going because she "was going there for the wrong reasons" and that she would find another place to volunteer. (I assume she meant she was going there to pick up guys. The other guy volunteers there as well.)

I wasn't actively trying to ignore her, but I didn't speak to her either, because I was just busy talking to everyone else. But I figured it would seem AFC if it looked like I was bothered by her presence, so as I was leaving, I just simply said to her "Hi, by the way I'm my name, nice to meet you", smiled and shook her hand. She said "nice to meet you too". And then I said bye to everyone else and left.

I'm not really sure why she just suddenly showed up, after not going there for a month. Maybe it was to spend more time with the other guy, maybe it's because she couldn't find another place to volunteer.

I think I know the right course of action, but I just wanted some outside input from you guys. Stay with no contact, right? Even though I'll see her once a week if she keeps coming back to volunteer? I haven't called or texted her after, even though I wanted to.

You handled it well. The AFC moment is acceptable imo since you came to a realization that you wanted to be with her. That happens. I had a girl who I broke up with, then later I realized that I wanted/needed her. But when I came back to her, she had already moved on.

Sounds to me you were in a lose-lose situation. She was into that guy from the start. You would have been in a serious relationship with a girl who wants another guy. And that is not a good thing. At least you slept with her a few times. That is something to take away.

You just got out of a ten year relationship. You should enjoy being single for not anyway. And I am not sure about your no contact deal. You just never know. Maybe you two could be together in the future.

_________________
Try to live your life like your dream is real

No contact.
Don't get pulled in again.