On the ropes.. Some urgent advice needed. Stressed out



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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 6:58 pm 
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Some of you may remember me posting on here in the past about relationship problems. None have been that bad but I'm having a real hard time these days.

I am just sooo stressed out about everything right now. I've just started the hardest year of my academic life. 50% of my whole university degree is decided this year. I am applying for summer internships for 2013 with major firms as I am a very driven person. I want to succeed. I am constantly keeping up to date with business contacts. Lots of emails. I am trying to stay fit and healthy and keep my body which I've built up over 4 years of hard training. And then there is my girlfriend of 2 years 11 months...

When I met her everything was easy... both in high school - not a care in the world. I planned exciting things without even thinking about it. I made her happy and she loved me dearly. I was happy too. Not a feeling of cheating on heror anything. I was the ideal guy in a lot of guys books. Asking me for advice on school, gym, relationships, etc....

But that's changed. I working my ass off in school now, applying for jobs, interviews, money issues. It's just an endless list.

My girlfriend is saying she is 'unhappy'. 'I never do anything nice for her. I don't make her happy, I don't think about her, I'm selfish.. blah blah blah'

In my eyes the sex is okaaaaaaay but no passion. It feels like I'm fucking a corpse. It's got no energy. Much like our relationship.

I just don't have time. I'm not thinking about other girls. I just don't have any time for that. I mentioned that we should mutually take some time apart and she broke down saying she doesn't want to lose me and comes crying all over me...

I really don't know what to do. We have our 3 year anniversary 10th October. We are going away for a night away at some nice hotel etc.. I don't know what to do. I've agreed and suggested that we don't speak till the 10th but I really am not feeling this relationship right now. I just know if I breakup it will kill her. I mean kill her..

Some words of encouragement please?


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:31 pm 
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I know how you feel. At least the part of not feeling the relationship any more. I've recently ended or trying to end my relationship, so a lot of your thought process has probably passed through my brain as well :) The bottom line is, you cannot not hurt her. You will hurt her if you stay in the relationship as disinterested as you are and you will hurt her if you leave. BUT, you should really do what is right for you. F.L.Y. - first love yourself. It may sound selfish, but it isn't. You have to take care of yourself and your joy for life. I can promise you one thing, she will be ok and eventually happy again, and so will you. People cross paths, share, learn from each other and grow together. Sometimes, usually, this comes to an end and it's time to part. It's not the end of the world. The only thing you can do is be sensitive and compassionate in the way you break up with her. Don't make it about her, or about the relationship, but point out that you need this for yourself. Don't use the word break up, suggest a pause, as you already did. Tell her you really need to focus on yourself and you feel bad about not giving her all the things you want to give her, emotionally, time-wise etc. Ask her to give you some time to sort your own emotional well being. Who knows, you might find out you still want to be with her, but If you don't, it's much easier to break up once you've gone on pause, than directly. I hope this helps, although I suspect you didn't wanna hear this.
When people try to force love, it usually doesn't end well and just prolongs the suffering. You know the saying: love is like farting, if you have to force it, it's probably shit ;)

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:59 pm 
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Good to be baaaaack :D God, I've missed this place :)

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I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:33 pm 
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The encouragement to maintain this relationship? I have none for you.

What i do have is some common sense advice: You seem to be a high drive kid with a huge chance to "make it" in life if you keep your shit together. Follow your own path and secure your own future both on a personal and professional level. What you are facing now is called life and it's full of difficult choices. Luckily for us, women are just as expendible to us as we are to them while life is not.

If she is bitchin about you not doing anything for her while she knows how important this year in college is for you, how bad you want this and how hard you work to get it done, well, that is telling you something isnt it? Add to that the fact that the passion is gone together with the lust and it will be a simple decision for you.

If you want to keep her, talk to her and convey where you stand on things and see if she changes. If she doesn't or if you are seriously considering breaking up for the sake of your own success and freedom, do it. Time is the only currency of value and one that can not be regained.

Good luck!
Ohh man.. Thanks for your reply. Yeah I hear you but damn it hurts to see her cry. I really care for her. Spent 3 years together. Amazing relationship with her parents, her gran, grandpa. Ohh but yeah I have to come first. Thanks

Hero


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 2:53 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2012 2:25 am
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Location: Belgium
Theres actually chicks on this place?


Dude, its all lies. Its ALL. LIES.

Game does NOT exist, its all an illusion.

So i need your opinion on this thing with my mate's ex girlfriend...


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 6:07 pm 
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Any more advice?


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