Hey guys.

I just split with my gf due mainly to it being a LDR.

We both love each other and are on great terms as we decided together.

But should I keep in contact with her or try to cut her out?

Its been about 2 weeks now and ive hardly text her but shes rang and text me.

Make no mistake: if you keep talking to her, at least one of you is going to get hurt.

The problem with LDR is that you are putting in twice the effort and receiving half the benefits of a real relationship. The clerk at the grocery store, who she doesn't even know, can touch your girl's hand, and despite how much care and good intent and compassion you express over the phone, SPAM, or a letter, you do not have that power. Imagine going to a Thanksgiving dinner and not being allowed to hug your aunt or shake your cousin's hand. Touch is such a crucial part of any relationship, and you don't have it.

Now that you're both single, you can't talk about sports or the weather or platonic things, because the subtext is your relationship. You also can't talk to each other like you're friends, because neither one of you wants to hear about who the other is banging.

People told me this years ago when I asked the same question, and I thought, "No, this is different. I'll show them." It's not and I still haven't.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

I recently finished an LDR, it finished on good terms but I am still doing no contact for a couple of months, just to exorcise any feelings I have.

I don't think you should talk very much at all for some time, because though it ended on good terms there is always some degree of sadness and pain and we all get moments of weakness. My break up was mutual, and yet I have had horrible pangs of missing her and trying my hardest not to turn AFC, it's natural.

I stopped talking to her, because of what would happen:

1) I talk to her about boring everyday shit, but then I got upset because part of me missed the way we used to talk. I didn't really want to talk about boring everyday shit, I had another agenda that despite knowing it shouldn't be pursued, I did anyway when I was feeling down/drunk or whatever.

2) I'd bring up things best left alone or dig over some old feelings and then maybe we'd argue and I would feel upset.

So either way, you need to give it some time for things to heal up between you before you can talk to each other again as just friends. I now feel fine and am dating someone else, but I think on Thanksgiving I will send her a message and wish her a very happy time with her family.

Ex's are ex's for a reason. They are there so because it somehow didn't work out. Why would you wanna waste your time and go back to it?

I've had the same prob as you, i went to the army for 1 year, and we kept it going for 2 months. And when i was on my first leave she broke up with me becaus she didnt knew how she could do this. Wich i agreed on.

Now the point; LDR sucks becaus you allways go around thinking of her and, when to call her and how often you should call her. My suggestion is to not stay in contact.

_________________
Mahalou!

I keep in touch with nearly all my ex's. It's fine as long as you don't start acting weird/needy when she starts dating other people.

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

If it works for you, sure, keep in contact with her. Personally i don't like doing that, once a woman is out of my life she's out for good.

How would you feel if she was having sex with another guy right now?

Your answer to this question is very important and basically determines the best option to your initial question

I cut off all contact with ex's 90% of the time, because it leads to more ex-sex with them down the line when they get curious and start missing you. Cutting off contact also means you have the time to get over it and also means they won't be able to find out information about your new girl, meaning they won't get the chance to sabotage any potential new relationships.

I've only been in love once. I realized it as soon as my relationship became a LDR.

That being said the best decision I made was to break up and cut off all contact with her before I was in too deep. I am still glad I did it because even though it hurt, I didn't put myself through the pain of not having a steady physical relationship. Also I didn't keep contact so I couldn't hear through the grapevine about some guy she was fucking.

All my other exs I don't have those strong feelings for, so I could be just friends. Whatever suits you bro.

_________________
value - effort = attraction
-Gambler

This makes sense to me. If you broke up with her and you're over it, go for it. If you loved somebody, it can get messy.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Thanks for the advice guys.

Ive decided that we will stay in contact cause at the end of the day she is my best friend and I want to stay friends with her.

Id be fine with her dating other people cause its exactly what ill be doing

Sup my dude.
I also keep in touch with most of my Exes,
We're not the best of friends or anything and don't message eachother everyday,
but i didn't just cut 'em out of my life. We would have the odd facebook conversation or they would comment on my shit.
So it's not really a bigdeal for me.

But there's a flip side to this like most of the posters mention,
you need to be careful of falling for her all over again, you need to set rules for yourself to keep you from not getting too attached again.
With my exes theres no romantic feelings involved, not from my side atleast.
Even though I hook'd up with one of 'em few days ago, but that's another story for another day.

P.S I never had a LD Cherish, but i can imagine it must be a crappy situation.

_________________
http://realsocialdynamics.com/

I know how you feel, lost my girl during an LDR recently too. Just try to focus on other things for a bit, improve yourself, and it'll start to get better with time. If you ever get to be around her again, show her how much you've changed and it will almost certainly cause her to think about you how she used to.

Attraction, I've always felt, is like a lightswitch. You just have to know when and how to turn it back on.

Hey guys im in abit of the same situation..broke up with gf of 2years and went NC for 2 weeks. Just yesterday first time she called and texted saying that she wanted to talk, and was pissed off that i didnt respect her because i missed her calls and shouldve texted her that i didnt want to talk (she didnt know i was NC her)

Anyway, what should i do? Based on trowling the forums, most of you guys suggest ignoring her calls and messages and move on but i feel i should text her and portray that im moving on, etc?