My advice is to stop over thinking everything, stop trying to be a PUA, and focus on just being a normal, well adjusted human being. I never met you, and I'm just some guy on the internet...so take my advice with a pinch of salt. I've been following your journal out of interest.

Man, just go out and enjoy life and stop micromanaging and analysing every little interaction, feeling etc. You had a set of goals. Will talking to an indian girl and beating yourself up because you didn't speak loud enough make you reach them?

Remind yourself why you are doing this.....Be honest with yourself. What do you want to achieve?

@Kasabi I'm going to spent some time to answer your questions. Thanks for the PM and taking time out of your busy day to help me...

@Pua-novice-to-master

Thanks for your advice. It definitely makes sense. Will try some of those things out. I find I am my best motivator now.

@snowyt

Thanks for following my journal. I'm in the process of building a healthy and normal life with lots of people in it. But I have to admit if I didn't have my pickup goals I don't think I'd be making much progress. It's a balance.

I beat myself up over it because my comfort zone is to stay safe and not do anything. If I didn't beat myself up over it then it wouldn't matter -I'd keep doing nothing. Maybe there'll be a time or interaction where I don't have to open and consciously try to seduce and she'll just come to me but those times are so far and few between it's too risky to wait for those moments.

Thanks anyway.

Day 26

Objectives

-Talk to two girls, either black or hb5 white girls. Open throw them a compliment then bail. That's it.

So I finish my tutoring and decide no gym today. I'm going to drive into town and do my sets. Follow through.

First set
Walking around the shopping centre first set I spoke to was a hb4 white girl.
I stopped to ask her the time. And she totally blanked me but I was loud and confident with by BL so she had to stop. She looked like I was about to rob her.

As she got out her phone to check the time her phone started ringing. She said she had to get that then walked off fast. It was legit I guess.

Second set
Hired gun, white taller than me working in a coffee shop. I walked in. Was relaxed opened well. Asked her if she'd been busy, she answered. Talked about the sign she had to put up the next day. But I couldn't compliment her, it was going to be on her glasses. I grabbed my coffee and sat outside.

Pissed off I couldn't compliment. But I wasn't going to let this slide. I was going to stay in town and get this done.

Third set
Not really a set but... As I was walking around two hot chinese girls walked past a group of black lads -the kind that are intimidating and would probably rob you given a chance.

They blatantly were hitting on them, and were saying things that were overtly sexual. It wasn't game it was just them getting rejected and then being idiots.

It was funny, but I thought how it must be to be a girl and get those comments. It would be very creepy to deal with. Anyway, I found it hilarious and as I walked by I cuffed them to give them respect.

To be fair, it was just to get street rep.

Fourth set
Finally, saw a tall black woman with a head scarf. Stopped her and asked for the time. Smiled and as she got out her phone told her she had a nice head scarf. The compliment didn't seem contrived and was quite natural. She smiled then I walked off.

Fifth set
Saw two different Chinese girls. Stopped them and asked for the time. I think they pretended not to understand english at first or maybe they didn't speak it well. I gestured to my wrist and one of them told me. I immediately told her after her glasses were nice.

TBH I'm not sure she understood. But anyway. Job done.

Overall, relieved to have done it and felt better for doing so. Also these weren't hired guns so it was more difficult.

Objectives for tomorrow:
-Compliment three girls, two can be black or hb5 white girls. One must be my perfect 9/10. That's it.

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Day 27

First Set
Complimented a hired gun at McDonalds. She was ugly but was totally taken back at the compliment. (It was on her name) and she also looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I just stuck on in there and ploughed through.

'Yeah that's a nice name. It's unusual. I like it.' - Hmm not great.

Second Set
HB9, I saw her working in a health shop. I was walking be and thought I'll skip it. But then I turned around and walked right back in.

I opened with a question about weight gaining. Then she started to ask me questions about it and I got a bit lost. Then question after all was fabricated. I need to be prepared.

It's like walking into a motorcycle shop and asking for a helmet, then the guy asking what bike I got and me saying I don't have a motorbike.

Anyway, we talked for ages... at least ten minutes about everything to do with health stuff. I said half way, wow you really know your stuff and she started to smile.

As she bent down I noticed a tattoo on her arm and I said, 'By the way I like your tattoo.' It was quite natural and she said thank you. But then I pulled out my hand to show her my tattoo like a little boy looking for approval from his kindergarten teacher. Eugh.

It was my perfect 9/10 though. Although she was more dominant than me.

Third set
Normally I save the hardest set for last but I got that out the way with the second. So I just saw an old women on the street, asked her directions to the cash machine then complimented her on her umbrella. She didn't hear me...

In the evening I hung out with my mate. We went for a quiet drink. And we talking about stuff... I talked about that fat girl who came up to speak to me on his birthday and how there was purpose in number closing her and setting up a coffee date. Even if nothing happened just to hook up with girls and be social.

He is so right. I don't think about women unless they're hot. I guess it's quite superficial and it's the wrong mentality to have.


Next...

Objectives
- No compliments, but speak to three hot girls ( my ideal of perfection)
-Try to create conversational threads. Can be hired guns -although I'm running out of options in my shopping centre!!

Kasabi is also helping me through some other things so I look forward to hearing his suggestions and putting them into action.

I've got a boxing show to go to on Sunday. No one else is going just me and two fighters and the promoter. But again it should be a good exercise to connect with new people ... Strangers.

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Hi tweeby, sorry i haven't posted for a while bud, been mega busy.

Snowyt gave some tips very similiar to what im thinking. However i dont agree with "stop micromanaging and analysing every little interaction, feeling etc."

- Thats what i needed to do to find what was wrong with my inner game. If i didnt anaylise why i got angry or frustrated at certain events, i would never of found the source of it all

I do agree with: "Will talking to an indian girl and beating yourself up because you didn't speak loud enough make you reach them?"
Analyse what you did wrong (which you did) - tell yourself what you should do better next time (which you have) and think of it as an inch closer to being better, not inch back

Also one last thing: How often do you compliment yourself? for example do you write down a list of what you have achieved? It seems you just right what the next step is. Looking back at how far you've come is a great morale booster.

Best Regards,

Boyo

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Thanks,

Sorry guys I got some health issues now that are more concerning. I might not be posting here very much if it is bad news.

Good luck to all those on their journeys.

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Quick update...

I have to wait till next saturday to find out the results to a health scare. Either way if it's good or bad one thing is certain. I want to be able to volunteer to help out people who might be going through similar issues. I'm going to look into this seriously. It's opened my eyes big time.

Trip abroad
During this time I had a booked a trip abroad. I didn't want to miss out on it. It was by myself and it was the first time ever I booked a trip abroad all by myself. It was scary at first because being in another country and not knowing the language is so scary!

The place was a gold mine of honey's. Girls from all walks of light and the tourist spot was amazing. I took the time to connect with as many people as I could and speak the language rather than using English.

It was scary at first but exciting towards the end. I visited as many places as possible and even talked to the beggars on the street.

It's all part of my new 'creating' mindset. Trying to create at every opportunity and feeling good about helping someone less fortunate than myself. It was rewarding to talk to them and then offer them a generous donation.

I spoke to a three set in another language. Wow, it was one/two word phrases but it was so rewarding to speak another language and have them sort of understand me. The one I was talking to was rather cute too!

On that trip I managed to speak three languages! The funny thing is you can see a slight change in the way they treat you when they know you can speak their native tongue.

So amazing I definitely want to do this again. Maybe another country near by!


Job front, I've just had another amazing opportunity. I had another telephone interview it went great... Lessons learned from before.

This landed me an actual interview, my second real one and an amazing job. This is like my ideal job. But I totally choked, I was half an hour late! What an idiot and I was so nervous, but because I still had a creating mindset they were so impressed with my leaving comment they decided to offer me one final interview.

'As I left I told them I wasn't really interested in myself and landing the job, but more concerned that they found the right person to fill the position because as individuals they were amazing and had an amazing company.'

It was a genuine heartfelt comment and it may have just snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. Either way I feel myself converging now towards a really really great job, even if I don't make this one.

I don't want to count my chickens but the finishing line is in sight.

So I could potentially be earning even more now! It's all pretty crazy.

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Massive sigh of relief! My results came back good I won't go into much detail but it could have meant a completely different outlook on life.

What this has made me consider is helping those who aren't so fortunate. I've already started applying for volunteer roles. My new job prospect has gone cold. I don't think I made it but it was nice just to get to the final interview.

Considering this is only my second real interview after quitting my original job and I made the final, it's a lot of progress to consider. I learnt a lot in regards to answering questions and establishing rapport with the staff.

Like I said, you learn something more for the next time, and you get closer to your goal. So what's the next step after the final interview... It's probably getting a job. But anyway, I've still got my other job and I'm happy and relieved my health is great.

So, let's carry on making connections and I wanna build up my online dating profile again...

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So I still have a problem with outcomes...

I got rejected from the job role I applied for. I got to the final interview but failed the technical exam!

To say I was devastated is an understatement.

The HR manager who interviewed me was so fucking nice. She was an angel and I know she really liked me. As I was answering her questions she had a tear in her eye she was THAT impressed with me. I can't believe I messed up the tech side. Normally, that's my strongest point. I feel like I've got withdrawal symptoms... Coming off a drug. I keep thinking about her and how great it would be to work for that company.

And I just got the results back of a girl I was teaching. She fell short of the grade I was hoping and I can't believe how devastated I was. I was more upset then she was and couldn't provide any support whatsoever. I had nothing to say to her and she's just a fucking kid!? I'm the fucking adult for fuck's sake!!?

It was an average grade but she did OK with her other subjects. I guess that's what to be expected since I predicted her that grade when I did a quick mock test, but damn I was so hoping she would just scrape the grade.

Overall, I'm trying to view life with a 'Creating' mentality. Not trying to be so outcome dependant. But it's just FAKE. It's not real. I'm still very much outcome dependant. I guess I should be thankful for my health at least, but after I got the results of her grade I went out and got wasted.

I guess it shows I'm bothered about her grades... But then again, maybe I'm only bothered because I failed her. And that is an extension of me.

I know this is a wasteful and exhausting way of thinking but I can't deny what is.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Oh well...

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Day 28

-Getting back on it.

It's really difficult to cast away rejection and remain positive. It's really easy to go back into bad habits. It's really easy to let negative thought cycles take hold.

It's difficult to appreciate the subtle things in life we take for granted.

Anyway, I'm going to get back on it. So I'm going to begin the application process again... Chalk it up as a close call and see where I end up. I've also applied for a little practical course, so at the least I will have a trade to fall back on.

Today I opened two sets in town.

I wanted to speak to an indian girl... It was a hired gun but I kinda surprised her by approaching her from behind. The other girl was a white girl and she opened quite nicely. The other thing I did was enquire about trains to different cities.

It's pretty cheap for a day return... Much cheaper than a car trip. I'm going to do the whole packed lunch and jump on a train more now. Approach excitement. I like that. And let's ACTUALLY start putting my balls on the line, with some actual pick-up.

I didn't get my idea job but on the plus side, I have more time to sarge and I have my health. Maybe this happened for a good reason...

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Day 29

I've sold a few items so I'm going into work early to pack them.

After that I've put together a little packed lunch and I'm going to hit another city to do a bit of day gaming. The train tickets are cheap as chips so all good.

Objective is to open 3 girls and compliment them.

Then the big one, attempt one number close. Doesn't matter, if it is a total zinger. Just do it no matter what?!

I'm nervous and excited at the same time.

Also if I get time inquire about a trade course they are doing at college. Let's see how it goes.

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Day 30

Finally got my arse into gear and took a train to my favourite city.

This was is heaving with hotties and today was no exception.

I was nervous because I set myself the goal of number closing. Or attempting to number close.

On the trip up I opened two old guys on the train and asked if I was in first class. They laughed and took it as a compliment as if I thought they were rich enough to be travelling first class.

When I got to the city it was a hot day and everything looked beautiful. You know when you suddenly realise how beautiful the world is but you don't actually stop to appreciate it. That was how I felt.

And there were lots of girls about. I began by making strong eye contact. I notice and got a few stares. It's funny but when you look a girl up and down like that they notice you back and they seem attracted. When you look at them scared, they look at you like you're a creep.

I walked into McDonalds to grab something to eat. First set was a hired gun... She was just my type and had pink lipstick on. She was a real cutie and her accent was sweet. She was standing in the queue with a mobile thing to place orders.

When I went up to her I made strong eye contact smiled and looked at her lips. I think she could tell there was a slight tension and she smiled back. I really really wanted to drop the line.

'So do you have a boyfriend, because I wanted to get your number and maybe go out for coffee...'

I was going over in my head and we were talking. But I fucking chickened out. I just had to spit out the words but it didn't happen. I only get one chance.

I opened a few other sets there because I didn't want it to be a wasted trip. Most of them didn't really go all that well... And one girl looked noticeably freaked out. The other was so uninterested she just waved to wear the items were and left me.

I was so disappointed I didn't manage my objective... But this town is great. I actually spent the day at their local museum and at their starbucks. Funny I end up doing the same things I do in my home town. I was thinking I might bring a sketch pad next time and doodle some of the buildings. I like art I guess.

Big ass failure I guess... Yeah, maybe a new town next time.

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Day 31

Just had another job interview, but I'm now beginning to realise I'm way out of my depth. I was up again three people although there may have been many more.

I was nervous during the HR interview but I reckon I did enough to pass, we were all joking and laughing around at some point. It real fucking hard especially when you're being interviewed by more than one person.

The technical test was a complete disaster. I totally flunked it IMO.

When I got home I rang my pal because I wanted to go out for a drink to drown my sorrows however, he had thought it would be a great idea to go open some sets. I really wasn't up for it but I knew I had to pull through.

We walked into a bar and I opened a 5 set of girls all probably students asking where's good to go on a Tuesday. Fuck sakes today was a Wednesday. No wonder I got a few odd looks.

Anyway, my wing told me to then go open the bar maid, with the same. Except to throw in a story about me having a crappy interview and needed a good place to go.

So I did although I was nervous, and eventually the conversation went on to discuss whether she was in uni and what she was doing. She was OK looking and reasonable chatty.

Then as I went back to my wing he thought it would a good idea to try and #close so he thought of a way to throw it into a conversation when I would go back to the bar and say something like,

'Hey my name's ________ and it was nice chatting to you earlier. Now that I've got all this free time on my hands what with my job interview not going so well I wondering if you fancied exchanging travel plans maybe over coffee.'

It was a great little opener. But this attempt at the number close changed everything, Jesus Christ I started panicking, and I couldn't even move. My wing was doing everything he could to just get me to go the fuck up to her and talk to her and how I would regret not doing it and how the initial interaction went well.

But I had nothing, I was just paralysed. I know I have to act. Amongst all things, just act. But I was just frozen and then felt depressed real bad.

I'm looking back at this journal and I realise little, in fact, only one time I've actually tried to number close in what almost two years now. And how Kasabi wrote in a PM, to anyone reading they can see I am a good planner and even my job seems to working out, but from a PUA pov it seems I don't want this to work.

The irony is it is the most important thing in my entire life. I would give up money wealth, and God knows what else to meet the girl of my dreams and just have a relationship with her.

How to just act and not think so much... Sounds fucking simple but I cant make the break through.

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You probably read this before but give it another go:

what-is-the-best-way-to-ask-for-her-pho ... mber+close

and read, "I like you, you like me."

There's a whole bunch of kids here who suggest being up front and asking for a girl's number is the way to go as this is "honest". Sure, it's honest but how honest is it really? You like her soooo much that all you can come up with is, "I want your number because I like you and I want to see you again."

In no other social enviornment do two peope communicate ^this way. you do not walk into a computer store, ask for a sales person's number and walk out. Instead, you chat about some products/services. The computer sales guy and you are bound by a compelling reason to communicate. You need products/services. The guy needs to sell you some shit. This compelling reason keeps you chatting and if there is no closure, you set up another meeting.

What you and so many others are attempting to do is to set up second day meet up without having built trust or reason other than, "Maybe we'll hang out or something." This isn't exactly pick up. It's just a pop shot and a hope.

Some kids see the long text and think it's complicated or think they'll get nervous trying to "pull it off" but I think it's the other way around.

It's less complicated because what's explained in those links is EXACTLY what everybody in the World does already when it comes to social communication outside of the "pick up" realm. They build trust and seek trust. They build common bonds and interests. Seriously. . . this is what little 5 year olds do when they meet for the first time in a playground.

You're getting nervous popping off the "I want your number," because this makes absolutely no sense at all. You don't know this stranger. You don't know if she's a crazy douche bag. All you know is that she's cute or not cute. And you know that she doesn't know you yet. You know that she doesn't know you from a psycho murderer or a dirt digger.

During a focused conversation, you will receive tiny little approvals for you to continue on to "Cool, let's meet on Friday then. Punch your number in." Not only will you gain her trust, you will also trust her more as well. And along the way, interest levels do in fact, strengthen. - Isn't this what pick up is all about?

In fact, forget about getting a number. If you just follow the steps as explained in these threads, the number topic will come up organically and mutually simply because it must.

@Kasabi, thanks I'm gonna read that later properly.

I've been a bit run down of late. I've only got another freaking job interview for Tuesday, so I'm just spent the entire weekend prepping for this.

I'm wondering if this one goes down south as well I may need to re-evaluate my plan.

Here's what appears to be happening.

1.Company sees my portfolio and are blown away.
2.Organise an interview, typically I'm short-listed amongst maybe 5 candidates? I don't know. HR says on the phone my portfolio is the strongest out of everyone elses.
3. Go in for the HR interview and either do mediocre or amazing ( I do amazing when I resort to gaming the review panel)
4. Completely flunk the tech test. Without the internet I'm screwed and there is only so much you can cram for a couple of days before, especially as you also need to do your homework on the company.


Therefore, if this one goes badly I'm thinking about re adjusting my short term strategy and perhaps applying for less technical roles -> even supermarket type jobs, coffee shop jobs.

Positive note, I'm getting the right attention and making the face to face interviews which is good. I wonder how if it is still possible to create network connections after rejection? And if so what would the email or letter read?

Oh and my application pack for volunteering came through. You know how I was telling you guys about my health scare. So I need to fill that one in.

Job Preparation
1.Again this is my perfect job role with a great starting salary literally walking distance from my parent's house. It's even better than the first one I failed in the sense that there is no commute so I save more money.
2. If I get this I can seriously start looking at moving out and finding a small flat by myself. I see this as necessary as a part of 'Becoming a man and being self sufficient.'
3. I can still work on my other job which is bringing in some money but not much, and still do my tutoring.
4. OK so I need to make a hit list of what to prepare. First I need to find out about the company how it works, strengths and weaknesses. Where they are SPAM.

I can see they use their own in house built CMS. It uses flex, I've used flash before so this shouldn't be too much of an issue. It appears one guy appears solely responsible for this. I'm going to be interviewed by him.

I need to find out about them on linkedin and twitter and figure out what type of personalities I'm dealing with. Anything info can help swing the decision. I know the MD is very SEO, PPC, google orientated. She has a degree in business so I need to tailor my answers along this when I'm addressing her. Her favourite colour is purple? Haha, not sure but maybe I'll wearing a purple tie, gotta love mirroring.

They are into their rock music which is quite unusal, and one of the accountants plays in a band. (Try not to come across as being too geeky.)

5. On the technical side of things, prepare for two scenarios, one without the internet and one with. If I get the internet, I'll do something which I could have done for my first interview. That is to put all my notes online. This will give me a massive time advantage.

Go through all questions to do with relevant subset of language PHP, memorise basic .css and html, specifically forms, and buttons and fluid webdesign.

Maybe memorise CRUD.

6.Questions to ask them? Again not too sure, need to think about this one. Again, leave on a positive note. Pretend I care more about the company than getting the job so wish them all the best with their interview process. This normally goes down well with female (interviewers)

7. Print off technical and personal job description. Make a list of why I tick all those boxes.

________________________________

When this is over look at continuing the PUA tour. So continue to open and go to other cities. One different new city per week -> Absolutely must try #1 number close. Get this out of my system.

Create online dating profile and start messaging, maybe 10/15 per week. It's a numbers game. Look at going to salsa by myself. Unfortunately I'm on my todd again. But this isn't a problem. I like being out of my comfort zone.

Continue GYM, etc and healthy eating... This is fine.

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Out of the Country currently and living out of a bag so can't comment in depth.

I would not advise you to date online. Online dating is an interesting choice for socially aware people who have absolutely no time to hang out in social places during the day or night. You are choosing online dating to skip the social process and jump into statistics. You are attemping to alleviate the responsibility of finding, choosing, socializing, and attracting a girl to create a bond. There is no short cut for this. You must learn this process one way or another. Choose to go the stats route without harnessing these steps and I can guarantee you that whatever you experience through online stuff will be far less than satisfactory.

I appreciate your focus on your career; not enough people here do this. However in your case, you are FILLING up your journal with work related crap to avoid what you know is something you MUST conquer. You must conquer your fear of chatting up women. This is a pick up forum. You came here to learn pick up. All this "I'm going to be a real man and whole man and renaissance man" is fine and dandy but you have yet to accomplish the first goal you came here to accomplish. . . and this has been a fine but long fucking Oddsey.

Go get yourself a girlfriend.(Whether this is a girlfriend for an hour or 2 years) Not next year, next month, or tomorrow but now. Do this now. Do something right now that will help you with this process. Then do something tomorrow. Then do it again, again, and again.

While you are writing, writing, writing, and living inside your head, beautiful women who would love to be your girlfriend are crossing your path, never to be seen again. I promise you, without a doubt, that you've already passed on girls who've told themselves, "Wow, that's a cool guy . . . hmm. . .I wonder if he has a girlfriend, etc . . ."

You've allowed your fear to consume this journal and derail your goals. Revaluate, reorganize, restrategize, execute.