GF Exchanges number with other guy?



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 3:19 pm 
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So my GF got her first day at school and this is how our conversation went:

GF: Omg, that much room in the class and this guy (marrokaan) sits next to me -_-
Me: Haha
GF: Yea keep laughing >:(
GF: Omg he's talking so much shit, please save me and get him away from me!
Me: What's he saying? :p
GF: All the time acting though like "should i call out our teacher" and that kind of stuff, please save me!
Me: He seems like a blast!
GF: Yea great! We are exchanging numbers right now (i was assuming she was sarcastic here)
Me: Hahahha okay :p
GF: Because he wanted extra coaching for this class and then he could ask me via text
GF: He just wanted to bring me home i said nooo thank you noo noo
Me: You really exchanged numbers?
GF: Yes :s
GF: He asked my number then im not gonna say no if he wants my help


I haven't responded yet, what would be my best course of action here?


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 3:48 pm 
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I assume this is college and/or high school.
I used to have the phone number of a bunch of girls. Girls I never gamed and who happily sit in my friendzone to this day (and me in theirs).

Of course, this did not happen the first day of school. And I was not playing the "funny" card to number-close (because this looks like a solid number close to me).

With that said, if you worry too much about it, you're gonna look beta/lesser. In your girl's eyes, all she did was being friendly to a funny classmate who might need help. OK, maybe a little voice in the back of her head tells her it might be more, and the guy might be cute and interesting, but it's a little tiny voice that she probably is not even sure she heard correctly.

IF the guy begins to run game and your GF seems to enjoy it, then you call her out on it.
If the guy ends up friendzoned in a couple of weeks, then you are the rock-solid alpha boyfriend.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:47 pm 
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Well to me it all comes down to what boundaries you and your girlfriend has settled in the relationship. Personally I don't mind if my girlfriend takes a number from a guy (if she does this related to school, job etc). However, if it was from some random guy when she was out - I would not accept it.

Communicate with her - that is what it all comes down to in a relationship anyways.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 6:03 pm 
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If you're girlfriend is that stupid to think that guy is not trying to get her pants I really don't know what to tell you...

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 6:09 pm 
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your GF knows the deal, she isn't stupid, girls know this shit and is just playing stupid ,whether or not she has any real attraction to the guy. She shouldn't have taken his number.

the fact that she told you is both good and bad for obvious reasons, but take it as a shit test. I would tell her to "rip the number up and if I catch you with that guy im putting you in the closet and punching him in the face." As someone esle said you need to establish a boundary she will respect. What she did was disrespectful.

I think that would make the point, and I wouldn't really ever punch a guy I didn't know for trying, unless he was disrespecting me to my face.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 8:08 pm 
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I just feel that if i tell her that i have a problem with it that she thinks im intimidated by the guy and whatever...

However it bothers me a lot and it kind of ruined my day...

The thing i feel shit about is that this guy just met my GF 1 day and sat next to her and got her number and now he feels al good about himself that he thinks he can get my girlfriend etc. prob. telling his friends "yo first day at school got this hot bitch number" shit like that.. Just bothers the fuck out of me

And maybe she just took it cause she was friendless at that school and wanted to know some people and didn't mean anything by it and then i make a huge deal out of it and she must think im insecure or something?

Btw she just said this:

"GF: Btw i noticed that you got a little madish about that dude but i told you what happened and there's nothing to worry about, if i didn't told you then that would have been something to worry about! And there's only 1 guy that i like !"

I guess i have been really bothered by it that she noticed by the way i texted and then typed that..


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 8:20 pm 
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It should bother you unless you are a total pussy or more likely being dishonest with yourself.

There is this misconception of "Just laugh it off and walk way" Their is a failure to differentiate that it is valid advice for a low or no-investment acquaintance and someone whom matters. You specifically mentioned that this is your girlfriend. The fact that it ruined your day was the first clue that you need to resolve the issue. As I said you should be firm and make her account for this by laying down a boundary. Ive kicked my own girlfriend out of a strip club I was working at because she was being too flirty. If your girlfriend losses respect for you then you have no chance of a productive relationship, just ask most married couples with henpecked husbands.
Quote:
GF: Btw i noticed that you got a little madish about that dude but i told you what happened and there's nothing to worry about, if i didn't told you then that would have been something to worry about! And there's only 1 guy that i like !
" Good just make sure It doesn't happen again, I dont usually tolerate these types of hi-jinx and shenanigans, As it is I may have to punish you - in a bad way"


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 8:48 pm 
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I wouldn't worry about it if I where you. My gf did something similar last week and told me. She got stopped in the street by a dude and he asked for her number. She gave a fake number and he tried to ring her on the spot. Then she gave him her real number because she was "embarrassed". She saved his name as "DON'T ANSWER". He tried to phone her a few times over the weekend in front of me and she never answered and we had a laugh about it.

Sure I wish she didn't give out the number but I've got to the stage where I just don't care if a girl cheats on me. In my experience girls can be really silly in these situations. Plus I'm cconvinced they do this as a shit test. Treat it as such unless you see inappropriate texts ect.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 9:30 pm 
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Quote:
IF the guy begins to run game and your GF seems to enjoy it, then you call her out on it.
If the guy ends up friendzoned in a couple of weeks, then you are the rock-solid alpha boyfriend.
All men need to learn and inwardly digest the above qoute


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 10:16 pm 
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Quote:
Plus I'm cconvinced they do this as a shit test.
Partially true. They enjoy the attention. They shit test you. They are obnoxious. It's all three things mixed together.
As long as it stays in that area, treat it as a shit test.
For the OP, a good answer would be "yes, it was kinda weird, but I know you would not do anything disrespectful". leave it at that.

Again, if this guy starts being a constant presence, then you can deal with it accordingly.

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"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 10:22 pm 
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Quote:
I wouldn't worry about it if I where you. My gf did something similar last week and told me. She got stopped in the street by a dude and he asked for her number. She gave a fake number and he tried to ring her on the spot. Then she gave him her real number because she was "embarrassed". She saved his name as "DON'T ANSWER". He tried to phone her a few times over the weekend in front of me and she never answered and we had a laugh about it.

100% different situation


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 1:59 pm 
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But how can i check if its going out of control or not?

She asked me if i wanted to read the conversations she had on text, should i say yes? I said no but there is no other way for me to check if its just normal school talk or if the guy is running game on her


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 2:19 pm 
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You did the right thing by declining the offer to read the conversation. It made you look secure and trusting!

How to check if it's progressing? Well when she's around you and she keeps texting someone then try to be in a position to see a message pop up on her phone. If it's from the guy then you'll know a bit more.

Ask her how her school day was but don't ask about the guy. She might voluntarily divulge some info herself about him and his actions.

If she starts getting shady with her phone then it's a bad sign. My way of testing this is going in for a kiss or a cuddle while she is texting. If she suddenly and repeatedly hides her phone then I'd begin to get suspicious.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 3:09 pm 
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The advice you got from the other posters is all good and solid.

Worse comes to worse, you do what you gotta do.. snoop on her phone while she is in the bathroom or something to that effect.

But do not do it, unless there are signals like those above. The general rule is that you give your trust until it is broken and if you start the vicious circle of snooping, it's hard to break out of it ("just one more check", "just today 'cause she hugged me less tight than usual"). So, you only want to do it if the chances of finding shit are high.

Yes, if she sets a password to her phone for no good reason, starts texting much more than usual, and is sneaky with her phone, then you need to start worrying. Of course there is privacy, and you should not be reading every text she sends/receives all the time. And if you come off as a snooper, your GF will probably react by becoming sneaky and adamant about you not reading off her phone. I know it because my exGF was obsessed by my phone, and I never let her even look at it as a reaction. My current GF does not really care, and she knows my passcode. (but, of course, I only shared mine after she shared hers.. "I iz not stupid" ;-)

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"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 3:50 pm 
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just trust your girlfriend,

who gives a shit if she's taking numbers, she won't meet them, and if she will then she would be able to find another way to cheat regardless

sleeping with a guy is a mutual thing, and cheating is a very much so a choice, if your girlfriend wants to make the choice to cheat, there isn't too much you can do about it, she either will or she won't, and being possessive will most likely encourage that kind of behavior, as will being passive about it when it actually bothers you and it's going to far, the real question is what is too far, and where are your boundaries here?

if you trust her, what's the issue here?, some guy got her number? who cares, big deal...

next time you're single, go out, and get some phone numbers from some girls that give you the I have boyfriend objection, just plow, re-frame do what ever you have to do to get that number, try to set a meet with them, see how far you get and how many actually fuck you, maybe that will make you a little more comfortable with this situation in the future,

SPOILER: girls give their numbers out all the time, and like attention, doesn't mean every guy they flirt with, or give their number too, they will sleep with

the only time there is a reason to start getting suspicious is if she gives you a reason, know what you are and are not comfortable with, and set out some boundaries, if she's crossing your boundaries and really testing, then she's not being very respectful, and I'd question why she's doing that, because chances are if you were in reversed rolls, you would want to show a little respect to her too, it's fun to have a girls validating you and boosting your ego making you feel like an attractive guy when you already have a girl, but that doesn't mean you'll sleep with her, as tempting as it is, but some guys will cheat, some guys will not, it depends on their sense of morality and if they think they can get away with it


but really in the end all you can do is either, trust her, or dump her, trying to control what she does or who she hangs out with most likely won't end up working in your favor, but if you're uncomfortable with something, don't be passive about it, let her know, but it's not like you own her or anything, she can do what ever she wants, but what she does and how far she goes while playing dumb sure is a good indicator about how much she cares and how important a relationship is to her, the more indifferent the girl, the more likely you're just her temporary something, her hot guy for the moment, the more she values the relationship, the less she will dis-respect it, pretty much that simple


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