Kinda getting tired of an orbitter.



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 12:23 am 
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i've heard reference in this thread made to solving a girl's issues.

as a boyfriend or significant other, that is not your job.

your job is to accept her as she is or move on.

the words "fix her" were not used, but the idea is being peddled.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 7:15 am 
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OK, it all went as I planned, I took her to the meeting place, the guy came, saw it, talked a little then left, I guess he was disappointed/mad that she brought me.
Thanks to everyone for your help, I have tried talking to her about this, we've talked about it, I´ve told her she´s perfect for me except for that little detail, which she has reduced a lot in this time we´ve been together.
As I have said before, this issue goes far beyond normal flirting, psychologists have told her that it may be caused by her past, she likes to take off the hopes of guys.
Whenever I bring up the subject she says words like: ¨Its nothing to me¨ .. or she even forgets what she tells a guy in a matter of minutes .. She does it so that they stop insisting, and take the rejection.
She has decreased this behavior in the past 7 months, but she had always been this way, even when she was not my GF, we always used to set up dates but we never actually met, despite that she was loyal to her ex bf.
Thanks everyone for your help!
I will aim to be more alpha, and not get bothered for the little things, at least I know that if something ever happens, it wasn´t my fault :)


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 7:20 am 
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Women don't tell orbiters, "I can't hang out with you anymore." They know that if it doesn't work out with you, they will want that person around. Maybe not for sex (although it's possible), but to boost self-esteem. That orbiter is an insurance policy.

Can I ask how you would rate your girlfriend if you had to be objective? 7, 8?
Exactly!
Even I sometimes do that!
And yes, she told me at the beginning of our relationship, that some ¨fan¨attention is always nice.
How would I rate her? I would rate her a 9, she´s the kind of girl I´ve always been attracted to.
Dresses sexy, acts sexy, has a great body, great personality, and I know guys are crazy for her, she gets hit on massively.
I´ve dated hot girls before, but most of them gave themself 100% to me, meaning that if a guy send them a message they would go to extreme rudes with them.
And Mack 2.0. You got a point there, she´s not a cheating girl, I accept her, so long as those texts never become action.
I just like pointers on what to do, who knows, maybe one day she´ll get bored of it.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 12:36 pm 
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Women don't tell orbiters, "I can't hang out with you anymore." They know that if it doesn't work out with you, they will want that person around. Maybe not for sex (although it's possible), but to boost self-esteem. That orbiter is an insurance policy.

Can I ask how you would rate your girlfriend if you had to be objective? 7, 8?
Exactly!
Even I sometimes do that!
And yes, she told me at the beginning of our relationship, that some ¨fan¨attention is always nice.
How would I rate her? I would rate her a 9, she´s the kind of girl I´ve always been attracted to.
Dresses sexy, acts sexy, has a great body, great personality, and I know guys are crazy for her, she gets hit on massively.
I´ve dated hot girls before, but most of them gave themself 100% to me, meaning that if a guy send them a message they would go to extreme rudes with them.
And Mack 2.0. You got a point there, she´s not a cheating girl, I accept her, so long as those texts never become action.
I just like pointers on what to do, who knows, maybe one day she´ll get bored of it.
i think you've got the right attitude about it.

if this continues or moves into an area that is once again making you uncomfortable or escalating in some fashion, you need to know that...

you only have two options:

1. accept her as she is
2. walk

anything else will be cheating yourself, you can not "fix" a person that does not want to be fixed. you can not make a person repent who feels unrepentent. you can lead a horse to water but you can not make it drink. and attempting to do so will emasculate yourself in her eyes and you will lose her FOR EVER. got that?

even if you just say "unacceptable" and walk, if she comes back to you, she is yours.

but listen well...if you compromise your standards for this girl...she will NEVER forget that.

never.

and she will never respect you.

so, don't forget your two options.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 1:42 am 
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Quote:
i've heard reference in this thread made to solving a girl's issues.

as a boyfriend or significant other, that is not your job.

your job is to accept her as she is or move on.

the words "fix her" were not used, but the idea is being peddled.
Mack,

If you were referring to my post, I should clarify when I said this should be "fixed" I didn't meant to infer that it's any guy's responsibility to fix their mate. I agree completely that it is a bad idea to even try.

When I said you need to fix it, I meant either fix/solve the problem, or leave the relationship. The way I see it, he really had those 2 options. Either take action to solve the problem, or just walk away. What exactly that action is to fix it is up to the guy, and up for debate here. But that's neither here nor there.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 3:28 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Women don't tell orbiters, "I can't hang out with you anymore." They know that if it doesn't work out with you, they will want that person around. Maybe not for sex (although it's possible), but to boost self-esteem. That orbiter is an insurance policy.

Can I ask how you would rate your girlfriend if you had to be objective? 7, 8?
Exactly!
Even I sometimes do that!
And yes, she told me at the beginning of our relationship, that some ¨fan¨attention is always nice.
How would I rate her? I would rate her a 9, she´s the kind of girl I´ve always been attracted to.
Dresses sexy, acts sexy, has a great body, great personality, and I know guys are crazy for her, she gets hit on massively.
I´ve dated hot girls before, but most of them gave themself 100% to me, meaning that if a guy send them a message they would go to extreme rudes with them.
And Mack 2.0. You got a point there, she´s not a cheating girl, I accept her, so long as those texts never become action.
I just like pointers on what to do, who knows, maybe one day she´ll get bored of it.
i think you've got the right attitude about it.

if this continues or moves into an area that is once again making you uncomfortable or escalating in some fashion, you need to know that...

you only have two options:

1. accept her as she is
2. walk

anything else will be cheating yourself, you can not "fix" a person that does not want to be fixed. you can not make a person repent who feels unrepentent. you can lead a horse to water but you can not make it drink. and attempting to do so will emasculate yourself in her eyes and you will lose her FOR EVER. got that?

even if you just say "unacceptable" and walk, if she comes back to you, she is yours.

but listen well...if you compromise your standards for this girl...she will NEVER forget that.

never.

and she will never respect you.

so, don't forget your two options.
Thanks!
And as I said: It doesn´t bother me that much anymore that she is this way, I guess the fact that it doesn´t bother me is because I have more confidence in myself, and I know she wouldn´t let those words turn into actions.

Thanks for your help! We´ll see what happens in the future!


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 5:43 pm 
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if i was you i'd be saying to her

'i've been as patient as i can be bothered being about this guy you keep saying your meeting and i think your taking the piss now, if i did the same thing you'd dump me so i am you, i tried my best'

Then watch as your phone blows up with her trying to call you and texting apologizing, all of a sudden this guy will be gone.

I'm not saying dump her and never talk to her again you just need to dump her to show her you're not taking any shit

There was beta orbiters around my gf for a short while but she knew that if she said what your gf was saying to any of them i wouldn't of hesitated to get rid of her so they vanished after a short time

Once you've dumped her you will be in control of the situation, say to her you aint getting back with her because you are bored of listening to her saying she's gonna meet another guy, i promise she will fuck him off and its you thats dumped her and taken her back so she knows not to fuck about, if not you will just keep going round in circles until she eventually cheats and or dumps you for a guy who wont take this kind of shit from her
This guy knows what he is talking about. You're the fucking prize here, not her. Let her know you have other options and if she doesn't change you will leave her. There has to be some form of threat in order for change to occur and in this case, it is you leaving her.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:34 pm 
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if i was you i'd be saying to her

'i've been as patient as i can be bothered being about this guy you keep saying your meeting and i think your taking the piss now, if i did the same thing you'd dump me so i am you, i tried my best'

Then watch as your phone blows up with her trying to call you and texting apologizing, all of a sudden this guy will be gone.

I'm not saying dump her and never talk to her again you just need to dump her to show her you're not taking any shit

There was beta orbiters around my gf for a short while but she knew that if she said what your gf was saying to any of them i wouldn't of hesitated to get rid of her so they vanished after a short time

Once you've dumped her you will be in control of the situation, say to her you aint getting back with her because you are bored of listening to her saying she's gonna meet another guy, i promise she will fuck him off and its you thats dumped her and taken her back so she knows not to fuck about, if not you will just keep going round in circles until she eventually cheats and or dumps you for a guy who wont take this kind of shit from her
This guy knows what he is talking about. You're the fucking prize here, not her. Let her know you have other options and if she doesn't change you will leave her. There has to be some form of threat in order for change to occur and in this case, it is you leaving her.

We all know i'm right here but i dont believe the OP as the minerals to say this to her, sadly though this is the only way to get rid of the orbitter and establish control


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 10:05 pm 
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To the OP. Honestly i don't even know why you're posting this problem. From the looks of things your girl could go out have an orgy with 5 other guys tell you about it and you'd still stay with her.
Quote:
Decessum wrote:
As I have said before, this issue goes far beyond normal flirting, psychologists have told her that it may be caused by her past, she likes to take off the hopes of guys.
Pure BS she can stop if she wants to. She chooses to keep entertaining these guys knowing full well it's going to cause a problem between you. Thats just stupid.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 11:13 pm 
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if i was you i'd be saying to her

'i've been as patient as i can be bothered being about this guy you keep saying your meeting and i think your taking the piss now, if i did the same thing you'd dump me so i am you, i tried my best'

Then watch as your phone blows up with her trying to call you and texting apologizing, all of a sudden this guy will be gone.

I'm not saying dump her and never talk to her again you just need to dump her to show her you're not taking any shit

There was beta orbiters around my gf for a short while but she knew that if she said what your gf was saying to any of them i wouldn't of hesitated to get rid of her so they vanished after a short time

Once you've dumped her you will be in control of the situation, say to her you aint getting back with her because you are bored of listening to her saying she's gonna meet another guy, i promise she will fuck him off and its you thats dumped her and taken her back so she knows not to fuck about, if not you will just keep going round in circles until she eventually cheats and or dumps you for a guy who wont take this kind of shit from her
This guy knows what he is talking about. You're the fucking prize here, not her. Let her know you have other options and if she doesn't change you will leave her. There has to be some form of threat in order for change to occur and in this case, it is you leaving her.

We all know i'm right here but i dont believe the OP as the minerals to say this to her, sadly though this is the only way to get rid of the orbitter and establish control
I disagree. Trying to "establish control" is a bad idea and it misses the point. You should not need to do this in a healthy relationship. Dumping someone as an emotional tool will only cause a short term behavior change, which would not solve anything.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 11:38 pm 
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establish control was probably the wrong words to use, i should of said show her he's not some pussy


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