Hello!
Me and my GF have been dating for close to 7 months now, and there´s this guy that has been orbiting around us, and by orbiting I mean, really close. A little background:
They were a couple at the age of 14-15 .. school couple only, and then they dated for 6 months on 2009, she got a new BF, and the guy told her ¨alright, whenever you´re single, call me¨ ..
She lasted almost 2 years with her ex bf, but by the last months, she was considered cheating on him, and this guy invited her to a hotel, and she tought the idea through, she told him yes, but cancelled on him, and then the guy invited her to his house, to which the same happened, she said yes but cancelled.
Now when we started dating, which was about 4 months since the last time this guy invited her, he invited her again, we had roughly 3 weeks, and he said ¨I know you have a BF but I want you for myself, blah blah, she agreed to see him on a friday, she did that in front of me, I wasnt very fond of it but she told me, that that friday we werent even gonna be on town, which was true, we had a trip planned.
So I told her I wasnt very comfortable with her agreeing to see him, even if she had no intenion of doing so, and she has changed that side of herself now.
Now this guy appeared again, almost 5 months later, she has rejected him lots of times, he´s got mad, he´s tried to hit on her again. I saw she told him one weekend that the next weekend would be for them to go out, of course she didn´t go out with him, and the guy got mad again, and blaah blaaah.. said it was so hard to ask her out.
And hs constantly telling her things about us, that we´re so equal that we can't be a couple, he insists that shes not married that she can do whatever she wants. She says shes used to him hitting on her like that, its been the story of ages, since they were 14.
Now last night he called her at 2 am, she didn´t answered.. but man.. how many times can a man accept rejection?...
What can I do? To be honest its kinda bugging me, he cries abut things not even I, her boyfriend whine about. I don´t mind that she tells ¨Sure, next weekend¨I know she´ll be with me, and maybe he´ll get mad at rejection again, but how much can he handle?
Should I just act cool about it? Ignore it? .. I know girls do this kind of stuff on purpose or sometimes just by instinct. Should I just ignore this?

In my experience every decent woman has an orbiter, but they soon go away unless they have a reason to stick around

If you look past this guy, he has the potential to make you look really, really good.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Why are you dating a girl who enjoys teasing other guys? What do you think she gets out of it? I don't get it - she seems very immature to me.

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- Lux et Veritas -

Thank you Wal, I was thinking the same thing as I was reading. That bitch is annoying (no offense). Why does she keep telling him to meet next week and then cancel? Does she just like the attention? and then she drags you along to cause more drama? red fucking flag. I wouldn't stand it. Talk to her. It's largely her fault this is happening. Even though the orbiter is a beta, you can't blame the guy for being mad when she keeps fucking with him. Very childish of her.

Of course this girl likes the attention. Do you know a girl who doesn't enjoy validation from an orbiter?

Women have trouble cutting people off like this, even if it's getting annoying. From what you've told us, this guy has NO chance of gleaning any of the attraction she has for you for himself, so I wouldn't even worry about it.

It sounds to me like this guy tries to make plans, and she says something half-committal like, "Yeah sure, Thursday may work," and this guy holds her to it, because it's ALL he has.

Unless I'm reading this all wrong and your girl keeps bringing him to the forefront?

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Why do girls have trouble cutting them off? Why is it so hard? I have told girls ¨No, I have a GF¨.. Why is it so hard for girls? ..
Well, yeah.. she tells me she tells him that just so he would stop complaining, and asking her out, at least it keeps him off for a while.
Today I made a mistake, and let it get to me, it was a STUPID mistake, I told her ... ¨Why you never say you´re with me when talking to guys?¨ .. She said, I don´t need to, they know Im with you .. and it bothered her, she said I was exagerating, and I admit I was and it was horrible, now I have to recover from this ...
Maybe I get so jealous at this guy in particular because she has told me in the past we´re very much alike, she says Im like the improved version of him .. but still alike, maybe thats why I get so jealous..
Ive made a commitment to stop complaining about him chatting to him, or telling him things.. I´m gonna go into supreme alpha mode, but man, its hard.

In my experience, there are at least three reasons girls like to keep other guys around and interested while they are in relationships:

1. They are seriously considering cheating/dumping you and moving on to the next one; and/or
2. They like the attention they get from other men; and/or
3. They want to make you jealous to get more of your attention.

Whether this applies to you I couldn't say, but any of the above would give me a big problem in a relationship. So I have to disagree with Dr. Jones - in my opinion, you need to communicate more with your girlfriend and find out why she has such a problem just ending communication with this other guy. She might have a valid reason. But if she won't tell you why, she may be afraid the truth will cause you to get upset.

_________________
- Lux et Veritas -

I can say for sure its not number one, if she wanted to cheat, there has been a lot of opportunity.
Im pretty sure 2 and 3 are good reasons.
Now.. We have talked about this! Several times ! Over 7 months.. One time she confessed to me she had been abused in the past (almost 2 months in the relationship) ... Snd last month she told me that her psicologist used to said that her being this way with me might have something to do with what happened to her. So it is, Im afraid a little more deep than just flirting Im sure.
I dont mind her being like that, it does bother me a little but I have to trust her. Actually today shes meeting the guy to sell him something, she just told me, she hasnt asked me to come, maybe she does. But I mean., she really likes beingthe perfect girlfriend for me, so I have to trust hr. i have warned her that any kind of cheating or a slight kiss with someone, she goes out, and I know it will hurt me but I wont tolerate it.. She doesnt want to lose me, her friends all know that and she does. so i have to trust her

Let her set up the date and you show up instead of her.
If you are strong enough it is done for good.
Is she bothered with his behaviour or not?

Wal hit the nail on the head.

She's keeping him around because she has validation/confidence issues. But there is an issue you need to fix if she can't give up the affirmation he gives her.

If I were you, I'd take the suggestion made earlier. Let her know how you feel, and that you'd like to put it to rest so you can move on with the good things you have going on between you. If she rebuffs, then you have a ticket to find a woman without these issues. If she buys, then you can put an end to it.

I definitely wouldn't do anything without talking to her first. Showing her you care enough to want to solve the issue ought to be enough affirmation for any chick.

She just told me that the guy hasnt replied if he was going to be able to meet her at 6, to see the stuff, but the fact that she told me at least means she wasnt going to hide it, perhaps, its just a buy/sell operation, 15 mins tops, plus, she will be with me at that time, so Im not bothered.
I´ll see what happens, but right now Im being alpha and it looks like her attraction for me is going up every time more!

if i was you i'd be saying to her

'i've been as patient as i can be bothered being about this guy you keep saying your meeting and i think your taking the piss now, if i did the same thing you'd dump me so i am you, i tried my best'

Then watch as your phone blows up with her trying to call you and texting apologizing, all of a sudden this guy will be gone.

I'm not saying dump her and never talk to her again you just need to dump her to show her you're not taking any shit

There was beta orbiters around my gf for a short while but she knew that if she said what your gf was saying to any of them i wouldn't of hesitated to get rid of her so they vanished after a short time

Once you've dumped her you will be in control of the situation, say to her you aint getting back with her because you are bored of listening to her saying she's gonna meet another guy, i promise she will fuck him off and its you thats dumped her and taken her back so she knows not to fuck about, if not you will just keep going round in circles until she eventually cheats and or dumps you for a guy who wont take this kind of shit from her

It is not alpha to let a guy repeativly bother your gf
If she whines alot about it - do something about it or let her do something about it with your support.
I am not saying you have to fysically hurt him, just intimidating is enough sometimes (like I suggested showing up in her place) ect..

But anyhow, relax if it is only about a business deal now

Women don't tell orbiters, "I can't hang out with you anymore." They know that if it doesn't work out with you, they will want that person around. Maybe not for sex (although it's possible), but to boost self-esteem. That orbiter is an insurance policy.

Can I ask how you would rate your girlfriend if you had to be objective? 7, 8?

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"