So yesterday I posted here saying I was gonna ask this girl out tonight. Her name is Janet.

i-have-to-ask-her-out-tonight-vt143198.html

It's not necessary to read it all but if you need to go ahead.


Anyways to my problem. She texted me telling me she was sad and to meet me next to the bridge she lived by. So our date was kinda over, at least thats what I thought.

She began telling me she's sad that her best friend (my cousin) is hanging out with another girl that she thinks is trying to steal her away from her. Janet then begins to let me know about her past after I put my hand on her back.

This is what got me depressed when I got home.

Here's what she said, or at least among these lines

*Put my hand on her back, something I've always done*
"You're too close" *she laughs oddly*
I said. "Pfft whatever" *I look away trying to make her fight for my attention*
"The reason I'm not comfortable with guys is..."
*awkward pause between us*

She tells me her life story of abuse with men. Sexual, emotional, physical.


I wish I could write more, but I'm not even sure if its allowed or appropriate on the forum. But she has trust issues and knows that her uncomfort towards men can get into the way of her having a relationship with me. She likes me, that's for sure. But I've gone to far to just give it all up right there.

This was last night. She told me to text her after I got home, I didn't. But this morning I woke up to a text message from her saying "morning :))" We just had idle chit chat and kinda stopped. I just don't know what to do from there.

I wasn't going to write to you guys, but I couldn't have gotten this far without you. What should I go?

I'm Andres, thanks for the help in advance.

you should get away from this girl as fast as possible, shes one of those nuts you dont want to deal with.

She's LSE with probably lots of issues to deal with, so be very cautious here !

Should you really really like here, you can try to help her and boost her, but avoid falling with her and be sucked by a bad mood. I do not advise playing "therapist" unless you are really able to manage that. And it means that you should forget F/K-close anyway.

You should find out someone more balanced, be it for playing or for something serious...

hey man,

well i know this is hard to understand and i know that you seem like you went to far but like they say above she has trust issues. this is not good at all.

lets say you get in a relationship with her she is gonna be the type to be jealous. she will pull you away from your friends and family. and i know that you think she is awesome and stuff i think that you should like stay friends and if she wants to fuck you then fuck her but dont do more than that you wont be happy.

you have already had a night ruined by her, how many more do you want.

HOWEVER, I know in situations like this you will disregard what we say and justify what you do by saying well they dont know her or how do they know what will happen and they arent me.

all of these are true. we dont know the complete situation. we can only go off what you tell us and use our past and observation to see what we can do to help the others that are in need of it.

SO all of my negative objections and observations out of the way, ill tell you what i would do and how you can make her yours if you want to.

well it seems like you are in to her and have strong emotional feelings towards her since what has happened to her in her past upsets you.

so i think that when you see her next kiss her. like right away. dont wait for a opportunity or look or whatever. right when you see her walk up and just kiss her dont say anything just do it. when you are done kissing her dont say anything just look at her with loving and a affectionate look. she might say why or what or what ever she says just reply with "I had to." and then turn it on to the topic of whatever you are going to be doing with her that night or day or when ever. she will be wondering what just happened and the power of a kiss is super powerful for a girl. this act will show her dominance, passion, care, love, spontaneousness, faith, trust. she will be yours.

any questions just ask

-$hane

Thank you for your responses, I would've replied soon but work called me in. Anyways this is a situation that I've NEVER faced before, at least not this extreme.

detox75, she isn't necessary crazy. She's just had major trust issues. But since she's my cousin's best friend. So I'll be seeing more of her soon.

Sombre, I think I might go slow with being with her. That time was the only time she actually ever made me depressed, or at least made me feel that way. I probably wont kiss her anytime soon. But geez, now I can't really just leave her. I like her too much as it is.

$hane, thanks for the advice the previous time. I see what you're saying though. But I'm sure if do go out and our relationship goes well, those trust issues will go away. Maybe not right away, but it will leave. I've dated a girl with trust issues, though not like this over the top. Kissing her without any hints or warnings? She told me that a just having my hand on her back was "too close." I'm not sure if a kiss would do it, even if it is powerful. Wouldn't she get the impression that I disregard her feelings and space?

Dude. Love (or being in love) can make you do many stupid things. But, not all of those things are bad.

If you like this girl, be a man a stand by her. This forum is not just about getting laid and building lifestyle and shit. Becoming a better man sometimes implicates going tru hardships you thought you'd choose to never have.

Being with a girl that suffered any kind of sexual and or mental abuse is definetily hard but you can make it, or at least help her. Just be honest 100% about your feelings dude. Hiding how you feel will not help you or her, and it is better to hurt and be hurt now than later.

She's a human being, not some crazy psycho bitch that you have to avoid. If she's being honest about her issues, its up to you if you decide to stay and help and give her a part of you or just leave. Whatever you decide to do is ok. Just BE HONEST 100% ALL THE TIME...
DO NOT HIDE YOUR FEELINGS, EVEN IF YOU THINK SHE'S GONNA GET HURT...

SERIOUSLY DUDE!

If you like her, GO. After all, if it doesnt work out for both of you, at least you'll know you tried.

_________________
".. I will learn all that I've forgotten, I will succeed where I'd previously failed, and even if I don't I wont stop, cuz this is not just about girls, this is about Life "

Yeah I should've been doing this. I'll see if we can meet up to talk today. If feel like if I take too long she might just lose that little love she has for me.

I meet up with her recently. She concluded that she isn't really for a relationship. I think I'm done chasing her for something that might not even work on anyways.

Thanks anyways guys.