OK I will try and be as precise as I can.

Basically we have been having sex maybe 1/3 of the days we see each other...maybe even 1/4 or 1/5.

This is not enough for me, although she is an amazing girl it irks me somewhat that my last GF (A daddy issue slut who ended up cheating on me) would want sex just about every single day.

We had a bit of a lovers tiff last weekend so I brought up the sex thing to her, she got a bit upset and said she didn't like feeling that way either and then pointed to the fact I had asked her to come over the next day when her parents were away as a 'hint' that she very much instigating sex with me.

Fast forward to the next day. I try to come onto her when she gets out the shower but she is doing this strange thing with her hand - sort of holding me off her a little. Eventually it fizzles out again and this time I confront her again (mildly I might add) about the issue.

I ask her if its anything I have done or can change and she says it isn't, and suggests it may be the pill (its supposed to lower libido in some women). I am frustrated and go to put my shoes on and say I'm leaving. This was probably insensitive of me. She starts to cry and apologize for things.

I also apologize and we kiss and make up. About 20 mins later we are doing a lot more than kissing and end up fucking and what not for about 35 mins.

During the pillow talk post sex I tell her if/when she figures out what is killing her libido randomly that she should tell me straight away - whatever it is.

She says of course and then reassures me it is nothing to do with me - she said I am 'gorgeous' and that there certainly is sexual attraction still.

My head is fucking fried with this. We have been together 9 months and although it is probably natural to expect lesser sex I really can't handle these random losses of sex drive. I love this girl to bits and I have always thought she isn't too adventurous in the bedroom, but I really really hate things being turned down in this manner.


What can I do for my part to solve this bros?

has she gone on new meds recently? or has she been doing something out of the ordinary?

I had a similar thing, I could sense that it was going slightly stale, not much but you know what I mean. My girlfriend has a very high sex drive so it's easier for me to tell when to do somthing because 1-2 days without sex is a sign.
What I did anyway was just treat her a bit like a fuck buddy now and then, not in the sense you go round fucking other people but, ring her tell her your going round to fuck her then say you have to be somwhere else like half an hour after sex or somthing and that you'll see them later or tomorow. Basically made her think "Wtf is he at?" and threw her off a bit but completely solved the brief point of staleness in our relationship and I also found it pretty funny. But the next time I came round she would be insistant on having a night together and stuff.

Not sure if this helps at all but there's my 2 cents

Medication? Nope just the contraceptive pill since about April.

I don't think so re: things out of the ordinary....what sort of things would you typically look at and maybe I can think of something?

Thanks

qwe123 - thanks, I maybe should have given more background info:

We both live with our parents at the moment as college has finished for summer for me.

I was unsure about moving out again for financial reasons, but now in light of this change in sexual dynamics I feel as though I HAVE to move back out.

She has said in the past to me that sometimes she feels like she can't truly let go and enjoy sex when her parents are in. This is very plausible, however the most recent turning down sex has came in an empty house.

- Does the posters on this forum think I should definitely consider getting my own place again? I have been back home since around March time (Short september-march lease).

- Is it a good idea to keep bringing up her loss of libido?

- In trying to fix this problem, should I pay her less attention and spend less time with her?

this is actually specifically what I was thinking, birth control, or anti-depressants

get her to ask her doctor about this

as for strange behavior, stuff like excessively calling you all of sudden when she had not before, or all of a sudden being way more distant, or really trying to compliment you extra hard or buying you stuff out of no where, really dressing up lately, basically just doing weird things that seem out of the ordinary from what you are used to seeing

Cool, I have read a bit about 'the pill' and it seems it can do this to some women. I will bring this up to her in person next time I see her ( Thursday) for sure.

Regarding the other stuff - nope! To my mind she hasn't changed in those regards, which I assume can point to sinister stuff.

One pretty interesting thing she said regarding this situation is that she has never had as much sex with someone as we have. I think I see her maybe 3 or 4 times per week and we probably have sex once per week, or twice in 10 days maybe. It has been this way for about a month now, and before that we probably fucked 2/4 of the days together per week.

This just doesnt seem enough to me. In fact, I guess I am just used to how I had it with my ex. She would dress up, use filthy language, swallow, do anal and send me dirty pictures/texts. My GF now is only really up for dressing up out of that list. Coupled with the lower sex drive it can be frustrating.

However, I love this women to death and she 100% a much better person, so I guess you can't have everything!

see her less, be a bit more busy and add somthing exciting other than her, dont be cold just be busy because it sounds like her attraction might be fading, although i agree i have much better sex in a free house if a girl is horny she'll want it anyway. give her attention when she does want sex, don't reward her for not wanting it basically.

Interesting. What do you feel then about this scenario?

- I have a tonne of friends about 150km West that I haven't seen for like 7 months. Me and my GF were supposed to be doing something later this week, we were planning to go camp or visit a few national parks.

The weather forecast is pretty bad and the hotels we looked at are fully booked. In short those ideas are a no - no. We both agree we should revisit this idea when the weather/booking is easier.

We are both off work from tomorrow hence the idea to go away. She isn't too cool on the idea of going West, she doesnt know any of the dudes out there I am friends with so it might be a bit of a third wheel feel for her.

Should I decide to go myself seeing as there are no options for us to do as we planned i.e. a little trip somewhere?

The pill really messes with women hormones! its a really powerful drug that unforchantly doctors do not warn women about, it does lower sex drive and causes lower energy levels because it also lower test levels.

If she goes off I promise it will fix the problem and her sex drive will sky rocket! the pill is a horrible drug! yes its good because she can't get pregnant, but that about all its good for...to many bad side effect, and it really messes with the body!

Why do I know this? because I have done lots of research on the topic and my have known many women with the same problem.

You should go anyway if that's what you wanna do, just be like "It's gonna be a lot of fun I haven't seen them in 7months, they're cool guys (I assume they are) and you will get along with people just fine but if you don't want to that's fine, I'm going to go anyway" don't change your plans just for her because that's pretty unattractive if she does go it will be much more exciting than sitting in watching a film or whatever your going to do as you'll be taking her out of her comfort zone. It's also her kind of dictating to what you guys are going to do on your day off, your the man you should choose. Let's face it by the sounds of it if you don't go and just chill at one of your houses because the weather sucks she probably won't put out anyway

I would only change that by saying it's a horrible drug for SOME women. Every woman's body is different and reacts differently, but yes, for many it has side effects of lowering sex drive and energy levels. A more important question I think that should be asked is (if it is indeed the pill causing the issue, which it may not be), do these side effects bother HER? Is she happy desiring sex less, or does she wish she was hornier too?

If she does want to try different methods of BC, try to maintain a careful balance of supportive and respectful. All birth control has side effects, and even after exploring all her options, the pill may still be the best choice for her. Try not to get too wrapped up in "How much sex does this mean I'll be having?" instead of focusing on what will make her feel great.

That said, the IUD is a fantastic method of birth control, imo. There's a copper one and a hormonal one, although the hormones are like less than 5% of the dose found in the pill. It CAN (20% of the time) stop ovulation, though, just like the pill, which can be one of the major downers of hormonal BC. The copper one has no hormones, but can cause heavier and crampier periods (also a downer).

Or, if you're willing to travel to India, you can have a guy inject your vas deferens with a special polymer, making your sperm self-destruct on their way out. No side effects, lasts 5 years, completely reversible at any time. We need to get this State-side, soon.
http://www.wired.com/magazine/2011/04/f ... tomy/all/1