Hi all,
GF and I have been together for over 6 months.

She always initiates contact when we were seeing each other. She talks about me all the time, appears quite into me. She introduced her family to me, her family (esp mother) loves me, etc. Sometimes she's even joked about marriage and stuff.

I was staying at her house quite a lot on her request. She always wants me around, etc.

But she just went on exchange overseas for 6 months, and after exchange she's finished with her freshman uni and she's thinking of doing some further travel, and then going on another exchange program for a whole year. Altogether she could be away for 2 years if it all goes ahead.

She'd already planned all this even before we met. About 2 months before going away she asked if I was upset with her going, and if i wanted her to pull out. I told her no, she needs to put her life ahead of us (we were getting more serious but not that serious at that stage). Also I didnt' wanna sound all AFC and needy.

So now she's gone. We had a brief chat beforehand and we agreed to just let it be, whatever happens, happens, etc. But we were getting really really close before she left. She also tells me how we won't be calling each other daily, saying that she'll call me once a week, which is still quite frequent given that we're officially no longer together.

Anyway. My dilenma is, on one hand she appears to be really into me. She's always calling me and she was really upset on the last day, and she still talks to me on the phone like we're together (although only been 2 days since she left). She was having a bit of regret on our last day, saying stuff like "i don't want to go", and "i dont' even know why i'm going", etc.

On the other hand, she's pretty adament on going on exchange, which is fair since it's important for her career, but also now thinking about doing stuff after the exchange which will keep her away from our country for longer.

I'm really into her and I can see the possibility of settling down with her in the farther future, and kinda really regreting not telling her to stay.

Is she really into me? She's young (mid 20s) and she needs to set up her life, but by all other indications she wants me.

Also, if I really want this to work, what's the game plan? I can fly to her pretty easily (i work on the web), and spend time with her but it just feels like i'm investing too much. We both agree that a long distance thing isn't going to work.

sounds like it was a potentially good relationship.

i dont get the part where you felt you had to end things just because shes going away for a while?

being as it is, you did the right things.

just let things be, keep contact over the phone SPAM or wtv.

if it lasts, its meant to be.

just remember to prioritize your life

[quote="mattyman"]by all other indications she wants me.

[quote]

By all indications in your post YOU WANT HER!

It should not be about what she wants for your life, but rather what YOU want for yours!

YOU have to ask yourself? "Do I want an LDR?" "Can I live without sex for two years?" maybe longer....

Or "Do I want to be a MAN, let her be herself, move on and see what happens when she returns?"

You are a MAN you lead your life, you decide!

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I agree with Haywood! FYI, it is not AFC and Needy to say "I am not happy you are leaving, but we all have to follow our dreams". Girls want to know that we have feelings and are capable of posessing emotions (you will never have a successful LTR/Marriage if you are incapable of emotional connection). What they don't want is for us to be a punk about it!

Peace...

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Crypto...
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All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

Thanks for the responses.

I agree, I'm talking like i'm heading into a world of oneitis and I should be living my own life, which i'm prepared to do (and basically how i'm going about things so far).

But I just feel like sometimes the PUA thing stops and you can make changes to make things happen, rather than just live with the attitude that "if she wants it, she can get it", which I'm not dismissing as the right thing to do, esp given that it's gotten me all the success so far.

She contacted me again today to update on what she's doing. I don't think i'm the one who wants her more by evidence of action, apart from the fact that she's gone overseas. She almost ALWAYS initiates contact and talks to me first, tells me how much she misses me, etc. I only reciprocate occasionally to mix things up.

Anyway, maybe it just feels like i've broken up with her. That sucks because I haven't, so i'd feel kinda bad to just go out and start gaming other women.

That tough man! I feel for you, you seem to really like this girl and she likes you but she had plans before you met so what can you do? well I am going to tell you lol

The best thing for you to do Imo is leave things on good terms and go live your life, its hard I know! but if she will be away for a while? (How long) then its going to be very hard to keep things going! they say that it takes about 2 to 3 months for the "feel good" hormones to ware off completely, all the hormones you make during sex, or while you kiss and cuddle, while you flirt ect ect, and so if you do not see your gf at least every 2 to 3 months the chances of making it are slim! and the chances of cheating are even higher! As well it will put a big stress on your shoulders!

I would make it clear to her that you care a lot about her, and that you think the two of you would make a great couple, and could have something very special, but she has to follow her dreams, and you respect and support that, but you can't wait around while she is traveling the world. If you wait for her and put your life on hold she will not respect you and plus you have dreams to! you need to go live your life and be stress free!

Leave things on good terms, you might run into her down the road and hook back up, or perhaps you will never see her again, meet another girl who you like just as much or even more, only time will tell.

Thanks for the tips dark one. I think you're right. The more I think about it the more I've come to terms with the fact that I think it's not really gonna come out well. 2 years is gonna be a long time and god knows what will happen then. For now, I'm not gonna bother trying to do anything, because it just can't work. Might just have to cut my losses and get on with a normal life.

Anyway, I'm gonna have a think about it more and update if anything eventuates...

you did the right thing.

this girl needed to move forward with her plans.

had you held her back from that, she would have blamed you for every negative thing and every unfulfilled dream for the rest of her life.

both you and i know that you couldn't handle that.

you truly need to let her go.

encourage her to enjoy herself for the next two years, even if that means banging other dudes, again, if she stops living for the next two years to make you happy, she will eternally resent you for it.

maybe you guys need to just let it be or go "open relationship" where she comes and finds you when she is back in town, but is free to do what she wants the rest of the time.

she will always remember the confidence associated with that and the strength that it would take to know that you would be the alpha no matter what.

my two cents.

long distance relationships don't work....because they aren't relationships.

they are the ghost of a relationship.

and like any ghost, once it hangs out in this dimension for two long, it becomes a hungry ghost (vengeful).

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Thanks for the advice and reassurance. Now I need some more advice on how to proceed...

I'm sort of stuck in no man's land right now. She's talked about it to me ("whatever happens happens, etc") but she's not talked much about anything like...what if I met another girl. She told me that as long as she doesn't know about it, it's fine. But I don't know where that leaves us, exactly. Sounds like an open relationship, but kinda not.

I need to talk to her again about this when she's available by phone (she's traveling right now), but I don't know what to say to her.

I don't know how to react to her to maximise chance of stuff working out in the future. Do I turn into just a normal friend? Do I act like we're still together? How do i behave when she calls me?

She's been messaging me a bit the last couple of days saying that she misses me, but I dont' know how to reply. The PUA/asshole/nice guy area here is really blurred. On one hand, I should just let her go and live my life, date other girls, etc. She really needs to realise that going away seriously jeopardizes the "relationship", and that she risks losing me. I should treat her as a normal friend and cut down on the lovey dovey crap.

On the other, it does feel like if I did that it would hurt her a lot, and maybe will do permanent damage in future.

What do you guys think?

Sounds like a "Hall Pass" to me, do whatever you want to do! JUST don't tell her!

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

So you're saying that if she tells me that she misses me, etc that i should just be friendly but not like bf/gf?

I see 3 options:
- Be an asshole/cold. Tell her that it's not working and that I need to pursue other girls. She will be upset about this but she will know that the long distance thing doesn't work, and that she might want to reconsider for her second stint, or invite me to join her, or something.
- Ge friendly but not too friendly. She'll know something's wrong and she'll ask me, and I wont' know how to respond.
- Tell her that i also miss her and continue to be the "bf" without being a bf.

I'm thinking option 1 or 2... and if it's 2 im gonna need ideas on how to respond to her.

lol

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Obviously your mind is set on what you want to do. You're just here for us reassuring yourself. So just do it. What if you fail? You'd just be one step closer to becoming perfect at picking up.

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