Hi!

First of all let me tell ya. I just got off a 2.5 years relationship 4 months ago. I was an active user here and I believe my last post was in 2009 so its been quite a while since I last asked or adviced on this and many of you might well know that feeling of rustyness after you leave a relationship. My game is Rusty so Im re-polishing it.

Ok, here's the deal.
1 week ago a nice Girl added me to FB (wednesday) and next day i left her a simple "Hello" via chat. A couple of minutes later she logged in and replied and we had a nice 20 minute chat. I had to logg off cuz I had to work on a paper but around 4 hours later (lets say, around 5pm) I logged in again and she started a conversation.. Thing is that I was about to leave for a rehearsal but told her that Id like to meet up with her sometime for cofee or beer, and she replied that she was thinkin the same thing and in fact she was going to invite me that day but since I had things to do.. But anyways we arranged a meet up that night around 9.30

We meet, she brought girl friend. We go straight to a small bar and start talking and having fun. I handled both girls super smoothly. She was all touchy and giving me compliements and all that... We made a bet that night about a movie and I lost and the prize (which i had set) was the one who lost would buy cofee for the other person (her friend wanted to come too so... So we arranged a meet up again for next tuesday (her idea). That was past tuesday

:: During the entire night she gave me IOI's but I wouldnt pull the trigger cuz her friend was there:::

Tuesday: I arrive at the meet up place, she was by herself with no G F!!!. We headed to a bar, she confesed to me that she didnt bring much money. since I wanted to have a good time and dont look to cheap I told her not to worry much about that. She said that she'd get her paycheck next tuesday and she made the promise right there that next tuesday she'd invitme some place to dance and have drinks. So I took it (this was a good sign)

:::: At this point shes giving me lots of IOI's and we havnt even started the night:::

WE arrive at location and there's very few people. I know the guys from the band, they all greet from stage and during their break they come say hello, I introduce them to HB and well. everything seems to go well.. Lots of IOIS, really.. Hand holding (she was telling me a story about something).

I told her i was cold (Wasn't) and SHE offered to hugh me (almost pulled the trigger for k close, and I know we both felt the attraction- tension between, but resisted.... The night went on well, we even sang (karaoke), shes very touchy, nice.

We both talk about relationships, and we both stated that we didnt want to enter any serious relationships any time soon (which is like telling me: I want to be yours now please!...but I didnt close, I started to chicken..) So ok, I never pulled the trigger, It was about 2.30 am now, we still had a goood time, she said she had to go home and she had a great time with me (laughing all the time, good drinks, etc...) She invited me for cofee next day (I know I should have said I had things to do but accepted instead)... So ok, same night we exit the bar, walked a while, she was telling me a bad relationship, holding hands again to exemplify something, but she seemd to look for hand holding, and enjoyed it... We ended up waiting for a taxi standing and talking for about 30 minutes. She didnt seem to mind that... We bot get in the taxi.

I dropp her at her place and reminds me of next day's cofee date (although she mentioned we were going with her girl friend too, but I didnt care, i wanted to see her and thought I would K close even with her friend there...)

SO ok, next day evening I go to the cofee shop, she was with 3 G friends, I entertained them a bit. they leave first and we said we'd catch up with them later, leaving us two alone but inmediately her friend (friend from 1st date) comes... ok so the rest of the evening it was kind of boring, we catched up with her friends at another place but because of the seating I didnt seat next to HB, I felt a bit bored , and HB seemd distant. So ok, that didnt go too well and we took a taxi and left (me, HB and her friend) I droped them at home (but she still reminds me of next tuesday's date)!, making me think she does want to keep dating me..

I felt anxious, stressed, ego crushed.. I couldn't K close and I really wanted but Chickened, and instead of coming up with a more agressive attitude, stayed low profile.. Well I logged in next day and she seemd distant on FB (actually i dont know her much over FB, In person she's lovely, but on FB i've had very few chats with her so I really cant say if she was being distant on FB yesterday or she's just not too good for FB flirt...)

So thing is this: Im bout to call her tomorrow or saturday just to get her in the mood, say hello and tease a bit (bcuz whenever we talk in person or over the phone shes lovely and I know she finds me the same

I dont want to miss the spot, and I know SHE IS attracted to me Lots of IOI's, kino, hand holding, laughs, besides the fact that she's the one who called me and invited me in the first place (I mean, she's asked me out 3 times in less than a week!!).. So, what do you say guys? What do you think? Any advice for next phone call? any teasing strategies?

I want to let her know, that I wanna have something with her , but of course, dont want to say that over FB. I'd rather tell her in person, but for now all i can think is to call her casual and set up a mood yo know?

Ah by the way, any Kiss tactic that might go with this situation? Any advice for courage? (remember i just broke with my GF so Im rustee )

A bit info on her: She's a History major and she's working on her dessertation and seems very passionate about it...

Sorry for the long post, but wanted to include those details. And sorry for my writting guys !! Glad to be back in ACTION !!!!

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".. I will learn all that I've forgotten, I will succeed where I'd previously failed, and even if I don't I wont stop, cuz this is not just about girls, this is about Life "

I was kinda in the same situation as you, i didnt k-close this girl i dated when i should She became distant and it took about 2 weeks before she came over to me again. I was nervous as fuck because i was really attracted to her and was afraid to get rejected. We spent like 4 hours together and i said to myself "fuck it" and kissed her. After that she was way more attracted and was like "when are we going to meet, i miss you" etc. If she give you so much iois as you describe and its not to late you have to kiss her or she will get more and more distant. Just grab your fucking balls and do it!

This is my personal favorite field tested several times.

YOU: Its okay
HB: ??
YOU: You can kiss me, i want to kiss you too
(my friend read about that one, dont know where)

Or just go like do you want to kiss me

Good luck, mate !

Thank you my friend!

Ill just do it next time we meet! like. "FUCK IT". and go for it.

Just a bit uncertain right now if maybe she lost a bit of interest because I missed the oportunity.. Hope she doesn't think I'm plain insecure or something.. haha.. Ok

Ill call her soon and Ill just go.

_________________
".. I will learn all that I've forgotten, I will succeed where I'd previously failed, and even if I don't I wont stop, cuz this is not just about girls, this is about Life "

You should also try to F-close her, dont do the same mistake as i did. I was thinking the girl i dated was special and different than other girls and kind of didnt want to push it so after i had the chance she started to be more and more distant. Tought it would help when i moved home so i was closer to her and we both had vacation but she even got harder to kiss and in the end she said she had lost interest. You should not tell her you wanna have something with her and absoluttly not on FB, make fucking love with her first ! make her wanna have something with you

Mixed Signals or what?

After the Cofee shop date (wednesday, with her Girl friends), the date that I came out anxious from (read my post plz)... I waited till Friday and gave her a call around 9pm (the time she leaves her office) and asked her out for karaoke. She said she couldnt do (which of course turn me down even more) but she counter offered for Saturday...

I said to her that Sat, i'd be working till 12 (she had to wake up early the following morning) but she said it was ok, her and her friend would be there (at a local bar) So that was it, we set it up for saturday.

Thing is that Saturday i had to work till 12 midnight, her friend sms'd me around 11pm saying they were there already so Around 12 i left work and headed up to that bar. We had a good time. HB was less flirty but gave a lot of signs, asked questions about my Ex Gf: Things like:

Why did you end up
Would you get back with her?

we danced a little, and so on.. Things were smooth but around 3am we took a cab and left.

I had to leave for the beach on Sunday so when I dropped her at her place that saturday night she said : "Be good, have an awesome time, and send me a text or something...

So I left for the beach (had a great time by the way). On Day to at the beach I decided to sms her just saying that I was at Playa Linda eating Roast Fish.. She answered: "Ohh you're so mean . Its so cool! Have a blast! OH btw. bring me a nice pair of earings , I Love you, dont get too deep in the sea)"


I kinda jumped with the I love you part cuz, at least to me, saying I love you (which in its actual translation in spanish means TE QUIERO) is not very common, at least not if you've been dating someone for less than 2 weeks and nothing has happened between you both.

I dont think she meant the I love you as a friendly I love you, know what I mean?
and I dont think either that she friend zoned me cuz of the obvious interest she displays when we're together...

I got back from the beach wednesday evening and sms'd her saying that I had gotten some "cool things for her" (i got her sand and yes, a pair of artisan earings, cheap but nice ones, but of course, didnt tell her that) She replied: "Great!! We can meet tomorrow If you want to Its good you came back safe".

So (i know, i know, mistake) I did meet her yesterday (i had envisioned a whole different thing, I was going to K or F close no matter what.) But when i got to our meet point, she appeared, with a guy friend (said was a friend from college).. and she immediately said that she wouldnt be able to stay for long cuz her mother was being a bitch and she didnt want trouble.... So we all 3 (yes, it sucked) had a couple of beers (less than 40 minutes) gave her a small baggie of sand, she reminded me of the earings in a playful way and I said to her that I'd might give her that later.. We got the bill, payed and left.

Her guy friend drives a Motorcycle and was about to leave, so she called a friend of hers who drives a taxi and offered me to share ride (They'd dropp me off first).

At that time, I was feeling a bit pissed, dissapointed and confused (just a bit; damn ego) So I told her that I wasn't going home; I'd meet a friend of mine there so we said good bye, i gave her the earings (just like that) and we left.

Ok so Im getting mixed signals here. She shows interest at times, she's touchy,flirty, asks me about my past relationship, we kinda planed a trip to a nearby town (sleep over), shes compliemented me on some things, she stares a lot, ok.. She gives me IOI's, but shes not all consistent, and I dont want to push her to meet me just the two of us, at least not this week.

Thing is, her and her guy friend invited me to a party tomorrow. I dont want to fall in the friendly-dates Frame so I'm thinking of missing that party. What do you think?

If you think I should go, Should I just go and Hit on her the moment i get there? Like being straight about it? or should I go and wait and wait..

If you think I shouldn't go, Shouold I try to change plans and talk her into going just with me to another place?? or maybe just miss the party, give her an excuse and not do anything?.....

Just to clarify! I dont want a GF, I like this girl, shes cute, funny and good looking, but that's it.

_________________
".. I will learn all that I've forgotten, I will succeed where I'd previously failed, and even if I don't I wont stop, cuz this is not just about girls, this is about Life "

By the way. We've seen eachother 5 times in less than 2 weeks. 3 of them suggested by her. That means something right?

_________________
".. I will learn all that I've forgotten, I will succeed where I'd previously failed, and even if I don't I wont stop, cuz this is not just about girls, this is about Life "

She is probably still interested but its fading slowly and you will soon end up in the friendzone. Go to the party and k-close/f-close her if you think you cant do it just say you have other plans no need to come up with an excuse you have other things in your life Invite her to your place to watch a film or something ALONE, i guess you have build enough comfort, or meet her another place alone because it seems to me your struggling when she brings friends. And yeah... push her, youre the man.

I would like some fellow puas opinions on this topic

Alright guys, i've read it all (although i gotta say the posts were long, it almost got me bored but i still did it because i want to help you)

I have experienced one thing that I will NEVER EVER DO AGAIN: and that is: DO NOT HESITATE ANY LONGER! If you wait too long, her attraction will fade away. Do you know what happens then? Another guy shows up, has the balls to kiss her, or f*ck her, and then laughs at you because you didn't do it.

I waited once too long, and that's exactly what happened to me. I hope that you will never get this feeling, because it's the worst feeling that you can have.

As far as the suggestion to go to the party: why not? If you're a funny guy as you say, and if you're very social; go up to all the people at the party if you don't know them, have a little chit chat and be the coolest guy at the party. Then, whenever you encounter your cute girl, start to talk to her. She definately has noticed that you're a social guy and won't hesitate a chat with you.

Then, if there are friends around, just say to them; is it ok with you guys, if i'm kidnapping her for a few minutes ^^? (funny line, and they almost always agree).
You go up to a place where nobody else is, i recommend dark places. Dark places are the best places to kiss a girl, because they subconciously believe that nobody is watching. Lead her to the place by holding her hand. Once you got to the location, squeeze her hand and look into her eyes BUT DON"T SAY A WORD ONCE YOU SQUEEZED. If she squeezes back and looks in a loving way to you; That's your clue to kiss her.

Since you describe she gives you IOI's, and keeps asking you out; she likes you. By not kissing her she will think: why doesn't he kiss me? Doesn't he like me? It's ok to a certain point, because she will chase you. But if you do it too much she starts to think: this guy doesn't want anything from me, i'll look for someone else.

My advice: be strong, have the f*cking balls, don't chicken and just DO IT. If you lose her, there a millions other girls. F*ck it what everyone says, if you like her, you gotta do what you gotta do;).

Hope this gives you the push to do it, i believe she's attracted to you, and once you kissed her, she will like you more. I have encountered many kisses, and they always thought: oh he kissed me, now he likes me.

You're the man buddy, show her that you are the man!:lol:

Wallie

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The Learning Journal:
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*****UPDATE******

Today We met for Coffee (I called, she invited)

She was workin on her desertation and she was really really into it despite my efforts to get her to put that aside for a while. But anyways, it was kinda fun; i helped her out with it.

Later a couple of her Gfriends showed up, invited us to a Bar opening; they didn't stay long.

We stayed there for a while, had dinner (we shared a plate of salad), took off for that bar, didnt talk much, she seemd a bit distracted. We got to that bar, place was packed, we got near her friends and stayed there, standing up. We got some beers and since she couldnt stay long because of her work early morning I guess I rushed up things and threw the "I've been trying so hard not to kiss you.." But she looked at me in a way I didnt expect so I added.. "I guess for that you want to kiss me too".. She doubted between yes and no.. Said no with her head (very shy no)...

She kinda thought I wanted to start something serious cuz her excuse, later was: "We're both coming out of a relationship, and we both said we didnt want to have anything serious for the time being..." to which I replied "who said I wanted serious?.."I just like you but it doesnt mean I want relationship, and it doesnt mean I want to play with you either (said that with confidence), ".. then she said that currently she was seeing a guy with whom nothing had yet happend... We small talked, had a brief, awkward but fun time... and took off...

To make it short, we took off, we took a taxi and I dropped her at her place.... Before she got in I held her a bit (you know, the good bye hug) and said "Hey, btw, about what I said earlier, dont you even think that the fact you said no is going to change this.... (she smiled and said: "Oh .... Im glad Didnt want to loose you...) and i replied, you wont, but what I meant is that the fact you said no is not going to make me change my mind about that kiss..".. She grinned, laughed a bit, said good night and got in...

What came out of this?

I liked this girl, Still do, and even if we could be friends, I think that I wouldn't quit the idea of F--ing her...

I've stated my attraction to her (which is not near the PUA's Way of getting the girl, so I know that I Fucked it up officially) but at the same time I'm kinda confident that, if she contacts me in any way, shes clearly accepting the fact that I'll try to k close next time we meet, meaning that she wants to be k closed (or more)..

If she doesnt ringme, sms, or FB chat anymore, to me it's as simple as DELETE and that's It.. I've had situations like this in the past. Honestly it's not the first time this happens and certainly it wont be the last. I guess comming out of a 2.5 years relationship is taking more effort than what I thought, but I'm willing to continue working my way up!!

To wrap this up: I honestly feel that this episode is pretty much done. I failed.

I think my main mistakes were:

-Got IOIS but didnt reward em properly.
-Reached the comfort lvl with out building up a more solid attraction.
-Didn't kino with enough confidence.
-Waited long for K close (she might noticed me as hesitant from the first time we were alone, that turned her off i guess)
-Tonight I rushed with the K close line and did it in a not so comfortable moment... It actually surprised her that I said it.. I know it wasn't a good moment for it...
-I think I should have just kissd her and see what happened but threw a line instead.

Well anyways, I'll keep moving. If anything happens about this I'll let ya know in case you're interested in laughing a bit more haha (I am laughing right now )

I know its not always supposed to be a win. I know I MUST fail in order to truly learn. I've failed and I certainly learned many things I had forgotten.
2.5 Years of relationship leave marks and I guess shyness and/or lack of self confidence are a couple of those marks, but I know I'll get over my this girl, my mistakes and well... again. Im willing to keep moving and learn.

TY all for reading my posts See ya soon

_________________
".. I will learn all that I've forgotten, I will succeed where I'd previously failed, and even if I don't I wont stop, cuz this is not just about girls, this is about Life "

Basically you said it yourself, the first time she hugged you. That was it.

I think with K-Closing it's totally about that first impulse. And a little too early is definitely better than a little too late.

And next time youre at about that point with a girl, just come close to her, smile, then grab her fucking head and stick it to her.

I played around with "I really want to kiss you right now." or "Kiss me!" , too. And they work fine, too. But just grabbing her head has that way more dominant frame to it.

Yea I think it's kinda over with that one. I wouldn't delete her though. If she starts to write you again, make her work for it. Maybe you'll have another shot at her then. But most importantly: Meet other girls!!

Like i said, you waited to long. But learn from this and next time you'll get the girl.

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The Learning Journal:
--> wallies-journal-vt141967.html

Hahah love you guys have so much fun reading you and realising my mistakes hahaha

Yeah next time I'll be more straight forward with my Kclose intentions and Fuck it, if she turns down, NEXT !!

And yeah, I waited too long and had wrong timing about it, so I'll learn. And yes, probly its not a good idea to just DELETE.

Infact, detail that I forgot to tell you..

Past saturday (1 week ago) I invited her and her g friend over to a small town near my city for sleep over and sight seeing (from tuesday to wednesday).. Her friend said No, but HB said Yes that time.

Yesterday, before i made the Kclose attempt I reminded her of that, and she said she would not be able to stay over for the night so we kinda agreed that we would only go sight seeing wednesday... Then you know the rest..

Now, should I remind her of that, say... next tuesday? Short SMS or call? or should I just expect her to contact me?

I've got a strong feeling that she wont , but anyways, I could still do it and see ... If she turns down our previous plan, I'd take it as Shes not slightly interested anymore...

But on the other hand, I might call her and see how far can I push this hahahhaha... Dont know what might happen

_________________
".. I will learn all that I've forgotten, I will succeed where I'd previously failed, and even if I don't I wont stop, cuz this is not just about girls, this is about Life "

I am glad to hear that youve learned from your mistakes, its when we learn most as long as we let ourselves

this.
all the playfulness, the tricks, ..., is all about creating the impulse. sometimes, The Right Moment (TM) comes on its own. you grab it. or you get LJBF'ed.

it is normal to chicken and be afraid of the k-close. but once you have a few closes under your belt, it starts to feel normal. and you'll see the bigger picture. as in, "I know I could k-close here and now. no, I will do it at the next chance to raise the tension even more. keep the kino!". at that point, you can basically k-close at will.
but to begin with, when you feel the tension, lock eyes, and go for it.

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)