Problem regarding my exgf



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PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 1:35 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2009 12:29 am
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Hi guys. I really need some advice that may go WAY past just being a 'pua'. I'm not a pua anyway, just been here many times asking for girl advice in the past. So I may be in the wrong spot for this type of problem, then again maybe you guys can lend me some pua-mindset ideas to work on it and get through it as a 'man' in general, and how to handle it i guess.

Here it goes. my exgf and i broke up last summer, I played the NC rule and we both went our seperate ways etc. I've moved a few times since then (another story) and thought that this girl just did'nt want me period because she was playing the NC rule from her end also. We talked briefly throughout the year but nothing big.

Anyway, here it is a year later and I see her at the mall by herself. We both saw each other, and I didn't make a move thinking "ok...does she hate me, miss me, love me still....what!?" Well I turn to look and here she comes my way! She looks at me with lit up eyes and says "I didn't think you'd wanna say hi to me, so i'm making the approach" That made me feel so good, and we just had small talk really nothing big at first to even mention here. It was a magical moment to be honest. I felt it...i know she felt it too. ll my fears of what she might think went away as we opened up more. Before we parted, we hugged for 30 seconds and she let out a "omg what a releif" kinda breathe lol
Towards the end of the convo, she mentions she does not have a BF at the moment, then paused...? Then says her life has gone downhill the past year. The thing that stuck out the most was when she said "remember when we were together and everything was good....I had that smile...? well I havent smiled like that since then..." That told me she was happy with me and maybe wants to try again but too proud to tell me how she feels, i could be overanalyzing.

Now, the fucked up part! She's been hanging out with this guy who she has dated off and on, and she says he got her into cocaine and other drugs. I was shocked and told her she needs to get away from that shit!! Shes like "yea i know, I know....I'm wasting my mind, im wasting a valuable thing.." We talked about it for a while and I just kept telling her that shit is no good and this guys an ASSHOLE who doesnt care about her! i mean im just speechless over what to do or say to her now.

Anyway, that was last weekend, i sent her a few messages on fb because she has no phone. I didnt ask her...i TOLD her we should get together sometime and hang out, she was like "lol ok sounds good, just hit me up" I want to take her from this guy (dating or not) she hangs with, and show her a better life. i know she still has feelings for me dammit! and not hearing back from her in 3 days pn fb makes me think "goddammit...I know where she is and what shes doing...please wake up and come my way instead" And it has nothing to do with me JUST wanting her back, i care for this girl and Im so pissed that she's doing this to herself, but like a friend told me, she has to make her own choices. She may wake up tomorrow, next week, or next year and realize it's all negativity and she's better and smarter than that. And here i am with fb as my only means of contact with her for right now, not knowing WHAT or HOW to say anything to her. Yell at her about the drugs and be an ass about it more to shock her , or just be funny and just myself to attract her, or be alpha like i don't care, or really needy....I just don't know how to respond to the situation anymore without pushing her away. It's far beyond 'how to talk to girls online' this is major imo.

i don't want to wake up one day and find out something bad happened (god forbid please) that i could have saved her life......I wouldnt be able to live with myself. I love her and moving on is not on my list until I figure it all out I guess.

Thanks for listening and any advice would be great.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 10:09 am 
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You may want to contact a local drug ambulance. This shit is no joke anymore and you can't take this responsibility on your shoulders. As for the guy and the drugs, the more you keep bashing on them the more likely she will defend them. Currently they are her reality and when someone is messing with it she will defend it with full force. Even if she's agreeing you that she knows that it's bad and things like that, she will feel reinforced everytime you attack. It's how things work. A belief is getting stronger each time it is defended by the subject. Basic psychology.

One thing I'd try is this: Tell her that you've been thinking a lot and you haven't done any drugs yet, but your curiousity is starting to overwhelm you. And then mention you've been thinking about perhaps trying it out once. See her reaction. See if she's like "You shouldn't" because that means that 1) She cares for you. 2) She knows it's bad for her. If she's happy to help you try drugs out then it is completely out of hand and professional help is required and strongly suggested.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2012 2:55 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 2:35 am
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cocaine is a hell of a drug and guys like that need to be dealt with. no matter what, keep her round and make sure she isnt seeing that guy. dont wait for her to realize because as a guy with a friend coming off a cocaine addiction, believe me, the pull towards cocaine is stronger than anything. you cant trust anyone to get off that shit, so force that upon her, you cant wait for her to get clean because she wont without guidance. if you love her, get her the fuck away from that goof.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2012 9:32 am 
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Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2011 1:52 pm
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Try and help her as a friend but don't get romantic again your gonna fuck yourself over big time I can promise you that your not gonna be able to trust this girl if shes an addict, plus addicts only quit when they realise they need to not because someone is telling them they should. The only ones who can save them from it are themselves, why do you think addicts/alcoholics put their drug of choice over their family? Be prepared to be lied to man.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2012 4:40 pm 
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Don't get romantically involved with this girl! she has a lot of issues she needs to short out and its going to only cause you heart ache in the end. Drug addicts don't make rational decisions, they put them self in bad situations, and are easily manipulated by people like her current bf.

What should you do? meet with her, tell her you care about her and are worried and that you are going to help her get some help. Reminder her of the better day and tell her you will be right by her side if she is willing to get help and get away from her current bf, but if she says no then tell her you can't see her anymore.

Don't become her emotional tampon! if she knows you are always going to be there for her she will use you and continue to use drugs. You tell her you will be there for her only if she wants to change and is willing to get help right away and get out quick! any thing less is not acceptable.

If she really wants to better her life and change she will accept your help, and if she doesn't then there is no need for you to stick around because it will only cause you to worry, and bring unneeded stress and drama into you life. If she contact you ignore her! she needs to hit rock bottom or she won't change.


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