This happened just after christmas. This is nothing to brag about but since this is my first lay report I'll start with something that may disgust many of you and keep it real before I put down any major/boasting lays.
I live in Australia. I was at an R.S.L ( Retired Services League ) It's basically a place where all the oldies go, many of whom have spent in the defence force. Well the town I was in (it was actually an island) had an R.S.L and many of the young party goers my age (22) go there for pre drinks before they hit the one and only night club. I had been drinking solidly and saw two HBs 6-7 playing the poker machines. It was coming onto midnight and I had no way or new no one that was going to this night club. I was out by myself and didn't wanna pay for a taxi. I approached in a friendly manner and told them I was new to the island and wether they were going to the nightclub. I got lucky in that one of the girls was a sober driver for the night and that there would be no problems. We exchanged numbers and agreed that they would send me a text as when they were leaving.
1/2 hour later I received a text and we went to the nightclub. While talking in the car I realised that these girls were not funny/cool or fun to be with. However at this stage I was commited, by that I mean staying friendly to get a ride home and maybe if I got hella drunk I might bag one of them. During the night we end up at the pool tables and there is this old lady playing who is smashed. She is running her mouth quite abit and she was so fucking ugly. I mean her face was literally like a sultana. She had spent wayyyy to long on the beach. She was horrid.
Anyway I'm sitting outside with a grew of dudes that the two chicks had introduced me to. It's a small town and it grew obvious that outsiders wern't so welcome. A little guy sitting next to me becomes obvious that he's just tryna stir me up, tryna get me to react and starts claiming I spat on him. A few of his mates come over and things get a little tense. I get up of the seat and challenge him to a fight (not something I would do but I wanted to make it clear I would fight despite being outnumbered) He soon stopped. About 5 minutes later another group of lads sit down and it turns out two of them are in the army. I was in the army too which was a miracle, we hit it off and I no longer felt too threatened.
I end up getting really wasted. Really really wasted. I see the little guy who was talking shit and start shouting crap at him and abusing him. A bouncer was right next to me and I got kicked out instantly. I didn't really care I was slaughtered. I try calling the chick to take me home, I txt her. Nothing. I call the cabs and they are booked for another hour. Fuck. It was along way to run but I felt I might be able to do it. I start walking and end up at a roundabout where some young dudes were skating. I asked them how far it was and they said it was about 10km. I thought it was doable but really couldn't be bothered. I called the cab to the place I was and decided to wait.
As the taxi is pulling up, this old bird pops outta no where and asks to share the cab with me. I think this is a great idea. She jumps in the front and we are driving home. We exchange a few words and we stop near where I was staying. She jumps out aswell. I'm so wasted by this stage that I being obnoxious and ask where she's staying. I ask her to suck my dick! She says no because she has a dry mouth and that if I can get her some beer to 'wet' her mouth she would. I talk her into sucking my dick then me getting her beer ( Which I was never going to do, I was planning on doing a runner after the blowjob )
We are in the street and finally a street light hits her face and I realise it's the troll that was playing pool. I'm actually quite digusted in myself at this point but continue to go on with it. At this stage after talking to her and her agreeing to a blowjob I was too horny to pass it up. We go to a dark corner of an apartment building. And I get a blowjob for about 3mins before some guy asks us to leave from his bedroom window. Lol.
We walk for abit down the beach and find a place where theres toilets and showes. We get into a toilet cubicle and I start pounding her. She said she had been with a total of 4 guys her whole life. I think she was 53 or 54. She hadn't had sex in two years. There was no way I was going to blow, I was way to drunk. I fuck her for about 10-15 mins and decide enough is enough. We finish up.
As I'm leaving I grab her handbag, get the tobacco out and roll a smoke. Just as I'm doing this a taxi comes, picks her up ( She knew the cabby and was like 'Oh hey Tim could you take me home?' loool. I walked home laughing.
I've got footage of it but will not be sharing it here. I have sent it to alot of my buddies though. This is the second time I've layed a 50+. The other one was 52 and I was 19. I've always had a thing for cougars
Enjoy!
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Bite of more then you can chew
Then chew like hell
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CHAT
I'm from Brisbane, cool to see another aussie here 
