My GF told me lately that she sees me more as a brother and more as a friend instead of boyfriend i noticed she acted a little different and distant lately eventho i have been really nice and affectionate to her, we just had a talk about this a couple days ago explaining our feelings, i asked her if her feelings for me where gone, she responded "Yeah but we must do more fun stuff together and then see if the feeling stays the same, i hope not!" and she said "I will work on it"

The thing is she also said that when we have sex and after sex that "everything feels normal and trusted again".

Anyway, she said we should do more things together, the thing is, lately i have asked her to a lot of things, going to the zoo, going on vacation with my sister, going to festivals and everything. But she had no money for the zoo, parents didn't let her go on vacation and no money for the festivals. Now i don't mind paying for my GF some times but i definitely don't want to do it all the times.

So when this conversation happened i asked myself "How can i save this relationship and not lose her?" And i came up with the following:

-Ask her out to a lot of fun stuff we can do together, some romantic, some fun.
-Bang her more
-Make up with her parents (they are mad at me, story is really too long to tell)
-Keep focusing on Gym and Swimming and getting a better body in the meanwhile

After i came up with this i decided to read these forums for more ideas, i stumbled upon a couple of topics who had the same problem as me, and to my suprise they got advice that was quiet the opposite:

-Be more distant and less available to her
-Wait for her to start talking to me again, if she does wait 24 hours to respond and if she asked why say you are "busy" in a nice way, dont act mad
-Focus more on yourself instead of her, dont let her be the n1 thing in your life (focus more on gym and swimming would be that for me then)
-Go out with own friends more including girls
-Get other girls interested in you for higher value


Now i am not quiet sure wich option would be better? Or maybe a mix of both?

You've pretty much made the same basic mistakes every guy makes during their first few relationships. Don't worry about it. First, let's start by making sure you understand where you went wrong based solely on your post:

1) "she acted a little different and distant lately eventho i have been really nice and affectionate to her". Being nice and affectionate had the opposite effect you wanted. I know it doesn't make sense, but being nice/affectionate too often will push her away because you're not providing a challenge for her anymore. Be careful with how "up her ass" you act toward her.

2) "i asked her if her feelings for me where gone". That's a blunt display of a lack of confidence. It's not advisable to come right out and ask something like that. Let's face it: you knew the answer to that question before you even asked it anyway, didn't you? Once again, this will push her away.

3) "So when this conversation happened i asked myself How can i save this relationship and not lose her? And i came up with the following". It doesn't really work like that. You didn't do anything nasty or mean to her, like cheat on her, which would merit you having to "fix things with her". With that said, let's move on to an attempt at recovering from the damage.

Yes, distance yourself. Create a challenge for her. If she asks you to do something and you already have plans, do not accommodate her. Do not be afraid to tell her no sometimes. She probably feels smothered and she's already on the way to friend-zoning you. She said you're becoming like a brother to her rather than a boyfriend. This means that you're not playing the role of the man and instead you're being her gay friend.

How good are you in bed? I hope you're giving her some good oral. If you get a girl to orgasm even once before actually having sex, then get her to orgasm once or twice more after that, she will be the clingiest little shit imaginable and she'll be begging you to spend every waking hour with her. Sex is huge.

What's up with her parents? That doesn't seem to be the issue here, but just for informational purposes, would you mind giving a quick summary on what happened there?

Yes, keep focusing on yourself. Go to the gym, swim, get a tan if you want, get a nice new haircut, new clothes, maybe a new watch or even a new phone. Get a new hobby, and invite her to do it with you sometimes so she can see your new skill in action. Use this new hobby to leverage more unique dates for the future. Teach her this new skill and you will suddenly appear to be a much more valuable individual. Think outside the box - when following my own advice, I delved into some psychology and body language books and girls love talking to me about that kind of thing now.

Make sure you aren't texting/calling too often. Once again, you don't want to smother her. Give her some time to miss you. As you said, there is nothing wrong with waiting even a few days before she finally communicates with you. If she asks if you're mad or whatever, just say "Nope, sorry, I've just been really busy lately!" It's perfectly fine to be vague at this point, too. No need to give away your whereabouts or activities. Keep her on your toes. Mystery creates attraction.

Go out with your own friends; they don't need to be girls, either. Get your mind off of your girlfriend and have a good time drinking with the guys and talking about completely unacceptable things that you couldn't discuss in the presence of another female. You'll feel much better about yourself and you'll have the confidence to deal with her more effectively. It'll also show you aren't dependent on her to be happy.

Using the game of jealousy is kind of risky. It can work, but if executed poorly, it can backfire as well. I wouldn't bother with doing that unless you feel that you have absolutely no other options, and I don't think that's quite the case yet.

You need to make sure these tips are followed smoothly and slowly. Women can smell bullshit from a mile away and if you rush these things and make too radical of a change, it will be incredibly obvious and all of your effort will be done in vain. Good luck.

I could not give you a better answer as Snarg did

Hey thanks for answering with such good advice ! Ill try to slowly use these things ! Also i answered some of your questions in the bolded part

Your gf's interest level is low right now, the problem is you stated to act beta and she started to become less and less attracted to you over time....it did not just happen over night, im sure it has been building for a few months. It is important to keep thing exciting, try new things in bed, spark your gf's emotions! emotions are the key to keeping a women interested!!!! thats all that really matters.

Another thing, she is playing the victim and although you might have slipped up on your end you must make it clear to her that it takes two people to have a relationship and you cant be expected to do it all, and you are not a mind reader. Again this did not happen over night, she has been loosing attraction for a while and if she felt their was a problem before she should have came to you and told you she was feeling distant months ago! I laugh when I hear a women say out of the blue "I don't feel attracted to you anymore...so what are you going to do?" like its your job and your job alone to fix the relationship lol

Some women are very selfish and don't want to put any effort forward to make a relationship work. These women are the ones to avoid! they will never be happy, they enjoy being with men who treat them poorly and cause major drama in their lives, they don't feel comfortable when they are happy so they cause drama in the relationship and blame everything on you! if your gf is like this then get out of the relationship!

You also said she has no money...well its not up to you to pay for her, its might be the mans job to lead and make plans for a date but if she is broke thats not your problem! tell her to get a job and make some money.

To me it sounds like you are being very beta and making excuses for her behaviour. You are letting her beat you down, and take advantage of you....you are putting in the work and she is sitting back and doing nothing all while loosing more and more interest in you.

What would I do? I would tell her strait up "You need to start contributing to the relationship as much as I do, It takes two people to make this work" I would tell her what you expect from her and if she does not agree then tell her you don't think its going to work.

If you don't do this she will leave you or cheat mark my words! start being alpha, start leading, instill some fear in her that you might leave instead of the other way around! you are giving her the upper hand and you should take it back!

Well to be fair, she said she would ''work on it" so i don't think she is a selfish girl like you describe, also she didn't tell me that she lost attraction, i asked her, well it went more like this; I noticed something was wrong cause she was distant :

Me: Hey, remember when you told me you see me more as a brother instead of a boyfriend, do you still feel like that?
GF: Why do you want to know?
Me: Because i have been noticing a change in your behaviour lately
GF: Yea unfortunately that's true
GF: But everything will be alright!
Me: So basically you mean that the "feeling" is a bit gone for you?
GF: Yea but we have to do more fun stuff together and then see if it stays the same! I hope not!
GF: But i will work on it

This was kind of our conversation yesterday, now she says we should do more fun stuff together but that's hard if she has no money to pay for anything :p

Anyway, today i have been genuinly busy and i don't respond to her texts in minutes like i used to, takes more like half an hour to an hour to respond and she keeps texting me a lot today because of this i think, ill slowly work on the advice given so far.

Yes but DO not forget to act and write the same. Maybe you are busy, but you give her good time when you send text to her.

I agree that her interest level is low. It doesn't matter what she says, it's what she does.

this. during an argument with my GF she was all like telling me how she wanted space, had stuff to do on her own, ...
next thing you know she was all sad because I might have been too busy to see her this week.. basically dragged me to her house

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Turn the tables and give her something to work for.

I just re-read the conversation i had with her and she also said this:

"No but i still have feelings for you but i don't see you that often so if i see you more then i think i will see you more as a boyfriend, i already do but just a little less then it used to be"

Should i still distance myself and give her a challenge? Or try to see her more often as she described?

As of now still distancing myself

What a woman says what she wants is not what she really wants... kinda weird i know but if you ask a woman what kind of guy they want almost all of them would say they want a nice guy who treat them like gold but when you actually are that nice guy you will get dumped because nice guys are boring...

Its best to remain a challenge but with balance and also when you see each other have a good time! Quality over quantity. It sucks that she does not have any money but its not your job to pay for her. Next time screen better because having a good and fun relationship with someone who has no money is impossible unless you don't care to spend your hard earned money on her.. TELL HER that this is bothering you and that you would love to do more things with her like going to the movies or bowling but its not fair for you to pay for everything.... see how she reacts and if she think its no big deal you pay for everything dump her ass and call her a gold-digging hoe.

All the best!

_________________
Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.

what a women says does not hold any weight unless her actions match it! women say all kinds of things but their word is not their bond. Just because she tells you she is going to work on it does not mean she will....she might have ever intention to in the moment but her words mean very little!

stop reading into what she tells you and judge her based on her actions. If she put an effort in then your relationship would not have gotten to this point. This is a common problem, men thinking to logically when dealing with their gfs....women are not logical![/u]

Thanks for all help guys! A little update here:


I have been taking my distance with her, being busy all day (but also pretending to be busy while i am just at home) not reading my SPAM, not responding for an hour or so. When i do decide to respond, i act really happy and fun but by the way she texts me i can really notice her interest levels dropped.. When i do talk to her i only talk for 20-30 min and then tell her i have to go for w/e reason.

Today i told her that i had to go and haven't talked to her since (7 hours).

I also invited her to go swimming with me, you guys told me to learn a new "skill" and invite her with me, while this might not be a "new" skill it's something i have been doing a lot the last couple of weeks and i really enjoy it so i decided to ask her to come with me, she said she would and that's tomorrow.

I am thinking of making up a DHV story (not sure about this idea though) about today since i haven't spoken her for very long and tell her that i was out to the club with some old friends i ran into at the gym or some thing like that, any suggestions about this?

Thanks in advance, curious what tomorrow brings

Wow, you are in deep shit, but not all is lost.

Do as others recommended, keep some distance. But the key is getting some ladies in the picture who like you. But not directly communicating at all. You can ruin it easily if it seems so that you are trying to make her jealous.

So get these ladies who like you, hang out with them, get them posting on your facebook wall. Another key is if she hears about this thru a 3rd party, like a mututal friend. But dont tell them to tell your GF this and that. Let the info naturally go through your socail circle.

The more ladies like you the better.

But don't do anything crazy either. Don't cheat or anything. Just hang out with them, meet up for a coffee, study toghether, things that normal ppl do.

Hit us back with an update. Peace.