Hi all, new here but with an all-too-common problem.

I outright suck at making approaches with women. I'm not really into the club scene, it's just not my thing, but even when I'm at more casual locales like coffee shops, malls, out right friends or on the street, I suck when it comes to making initial approaches.

I don't want to go all Freudian on you guys, so I'll spare you the boring self-analyses. I'm not 100% sure what my problem is, but I'm fine once the ice has been broken. I love to talk and can be very sociable and funny when I know someone. I've had relationships before, but they've never began from me making the first move (or I met them online ) But I'm getting older now (not that old) and I want to start grabbing life by the horns and getting the women I would like to have, not settling for whatever I can get.

I have a lot of good qualities, but I am probably somewhat insecure over my looks. I think I'm a good looking guy, but two things I always got teased for as a kid were being too skinny and being pale (I have red hair). I do work out now, but I'm still thin and I do get out in the sun so I'm not a complete zombie. But I still have these nagging fears that I won't be accepted because "women don't like red hair" or they "don't like thin guys."

I know I need to get out there more and just "do it" and start making approaches, even if I fail and make a complete idiot out of myself. But I can't seem to kick myself enough to actually start doing it. I guess I'm kind of lazy. I am familiar with NLP and affirmations and I have practiced them before. It worked for a while, but now here I am again, back full of self-doubt.

What am I am doing is: I put effort into how I look. I dress well, have great hygiene, I'm tall, I am intelligent, educated and ambitious (when it comes to work anyway). But I've got these damn insecurities floating around deep down I can't shake. In spite of all that, I do my best to at least appear confident in public and I think my body language and behavior displays that. But the inner anxiety definitely holds me back a lot more than it should.

Any advice on what to do? I feel like life is passing me by here, and I am getting sick of it. Be as harsh as you want, I'm open to harsh truth if you think it'll help.

Thanks guys.

i know exactly how you feel man... but what really helped me was realizing that girls are attracted to straight up alpha males.. that's it.. the reason girls like the tall built bigger guys is because they have the look of the alpha male.. this is why when a really good looking guy approaches a girl there really receptive in the beginning but if he demonstrates pussy insecure behavior they'll still be cold and uninterested.. because he wasn't the alpha male they thought he was.

when you approach girls realize that the outside is not what girls want... the outside is just kind of a shorter way for them to determine if you truly are that alpha male they desperately want.

keyword: he looks like an alpha male therefore he most likely is an alpha male

walk with your shoulders back head high and realize you are that
alpha male she wants.. approaching is just something an alpha male does

hope this helps

Hi redzum,

You sound a lot like me mate. I strongly recommend my journal, im sure you'll relate to most of it. - and it shows how ive overcome the same obstacles as you.

It sounds like you have a few inner game issues and insecurities. When you have these overcome, approaching becomes a whole lot easier.

However inner game can take a while, so while you sort that out try this:

The newbie mission: the-newbie-mission-vt41556.html

The 10 day positive thinking challenge: Dont allow a single negative though stay in your head for more than 2 min. Ignore it, say no to it. Anything.

Do this 10 days straight, and see how much better you feel about yourself after!
However if you fail at any time, you have to reset. Took me 3 attempts.

Regards,

Boyo

_________________
Limit Nothing. Achieve Everything.
My Journal: boyos-journal-vt137995.html

dude,

pick something in your day to day habits that you tend to do for an hour or two, what ever it is, tv, going on your computer, going for a walk, what ever, pick something that consumes time for you daily,

now for the next week, starting today, cut that thing out cold turkey, do not do it at all under any circumstances, just for 7 days, no excuses

replace that spare time now for the next 7 days, with going outside of your house to a place that you can meet girls, then go out and walk around with the intent to approach girls, start as small as you want, you don't even have to approach, you can simply work on eye contact or what ever, just try to improve where you are currently at, and keep forcing yourself to do what you are not comfortable with, eventually you will just start being able to do it more and more, because walking around for 7 days doing nothing will feel like a giant waste of time, don't waste your time

do it one time, you can do it a second time, and a third and so on and so on, it starts right now, not in the future, there is not some magic thing you can hear someone tell you, or some magical book that will change you, you have to change you, and judging by your post, you are ready and you already know this is what you want, now it is just time to step up and take what you want, yes it will be hard at first, but it gets easier, just try to enjoy yourself

also if you pick a mall, only talk to 1-5 girls (depending on how long it takes you to go from girl to girl and to finish talking), then leave and go somewhere else, it's not a huge deal but sometimes security can be a pain in the ass and if you frequent the mall to hit on girls eventually they will just start harassing you

GOOD LUCK

Genius

I might do this myself, i always complain i dont have time to go out and sarge!

_________________
Limit Nothing. Achieve Everything.
My Journal: boyos-journal-vt137995.html

Hey man, you sound a lot like myself.

I am also a skinny ginger, and while I was never picked on in school, I still had/have insecurities about my looks. After I broke up with my ex earlier this year, I started hitting the gym quite regularly and liked the changes I was seeing. I gained about 10lbs of muscle in a couple months, it was great to see the change. I didn't think it was possible for me to gain any weight, but I made a couple changes in my diet and will continue to do so until I am content with how I look. I have since been slacking off and not going as much, but will get back into the swing of things again soon. My gym has free tanning with my membership, so I go tanning after I workout as a "reward".

That said, I am also horrible at approaching. You've gotten great advice so far, and I will be watching this thread for other advice and I hope you update us on how things have worked for you. Good luck!

_________________
The hottest ginger you'll ever meet.

I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am.

I appreciate the responses. I don't disagree that's what I have to get out and do. I find I'm stuck in neutral right now and am in a rut, it's hard to get out of.

I guess it goes along with what was said here about how there's a certain body type chicks dig. I know that and it's that fear (probably) of not being it that causes me to not take action. I think, "I'm just bothering women" or "She wouldn't like me anyway" (or worse yet, I fear making a fool of myself). I probably think too much and that holds me back. I can see why bars and clubs are natural places to hook up, since being drunk definitely can overcome those damn inhibitions.

The weird thing is, aside from with women, I'd pretty damn confident. Like, I don't care if I'm skinny or if others don't like me - that's their problem, not mine. I have a lot of attitude and I don't look down on myself. But for some reason, when it comes to chicks, I automatically assume that I'm simply "not their type". It's not even so much the hair color thing (even though I do hear a lot how women despise gingers), though my hair's more auburn and darker than the usual red. So I suppose it's more my weight and build than anything else. I'm definitely more an ectomorph than anything else. Sure, I'm glad not not be big guy - a lot of my buddies are big. But in a strange way, I can sort of relate to how fat chicks feel... you know, being judged (negatively) just on the basis of how you look. (I'm still not into fat chicks though. lol) Another part of me - that likes who I am - thinks, "Why the hell should *I* have to change for some woman?! If she doesn't like me, it's HER loss." I work out for me, not for some broad to accept me.

If I could find a way to overcome these damn inhibitions or negative beliefs about myself, I'd probably be fine. Like I said, I'm good once I can get past that initial awkwardness of first breaking the ice. But before that, I suck. Fear definitely controls me in that area.

And the weird thing is, my attitude generally doesn't match my appearance. I have the strong personality of a 6'5", 300 lbs (muscle, of course) linebacker. I don't take sh*t from people, never have, never will. But with WOMEN, I have fear... how is that for f***ed up? I guess it doesn't make a lot of sense when I type it out but I'm not a kid in university anymore. My chances of meeting a quality woman is probably diminishing by the day, so I know I've gotta start taking action. It just sucks (hopefully I'm not bitching) when you've got a handicap right from the start. I was never taught any of this sh*t growing up, so I'm having to learn it now, when I should've been taught as a kid how to deal with and pick up women. Oh well.

I definitely got to get out there and engaging women more, that's for sure. Gotta get out of neutral...

hey man,

you should understand it is different for women then it is for men, it is your status in relation to other men that women are attracted to, it is not nessicarily your looks, it is not nessicarily money, it is not nessicarily your social status, but everything adds up and correlates to your status

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-2IZyeNiSY[/youtube]

after watching this video, imagine that the rolls were reversed, and some below average looking girl rolled up to a club in a viper, and was flashing money, would you even give a shit? would that all of a sudden make you want to hook up with a girl you thought didn't look good?

having great game and being the most confident fun person to be around in a group of people, is like rolling up in that viper, improves your chances a great deal, but doesn't make them

it's amazing what being more confident can do for your dating life, it's amazing what having more money can do for your dating life, it's amazing what being model good looking can do for your dating life, it's amazing what simply grooming better and dressing better can do for your dating life, it's amazing what having good social skills and a large network of connections and friends can do for your dating life, basically it's amazing what being successful and good at something will do for your dating life

^ all of these things are very relevant, but not one in particular is required, you just need to see some things that challenge your current reality of women being the same as men, and yes alot of girls will dismiss you to begin with when they think you are low status, yes some girls value looks as a primary symbol of status (mostly the younger crowd, as money is not so important in female social circles during highschool etc.), if that is a problem for you, just improve what you are projecting so they assume higher status, think of it like guys fuck for looks, and girls fuck for bragging rights and approval, the more she has to brag about by hooking up with you, the better it is for your cause, even when you are good looking all that really gets you is a better first impression and more attention, and you would probably get just as much attention if you had a hot girl on your arm but were just average, girls still are not very likely to escalate on you just because you have good looks, girls still are very picky even if you are good looking and you can be model good looking and still rarely if ever get laid if you have personality traits that take away from your status (although the chances of freebies becomes much higher, a really really good looking guy just simply has assumed status over other guys *he is good at being good looking lol*), learn to approach regularily and improve yourself, your game, your everything, raise your status, be different then other guys, be more confident, more sure of yourself, more skilled, more experienced, more fun, more bold, it will all make a difference, offer value everywhere you go

girls go for the champions man, the top dogs, guys that are the best at something, what that is, is subjective to the girl, but they want the best in picking order, a guy that gives off success and value, a guy that has an abundance in his life

if your sitting there thinking that kind of thing is not you, you have the whole rest of your life to improve, rome wasn't built in a day, you still have plenty of time to improve yourself and your skillsets, and getting good at picking up girls, starts with approaching girls regularily, it is not some secret chain of words you read in an e-book that will make little jane from next door that you have known for 14 years all of a sudden fall in love with you and drop to her knees, it is a gradual process of improvement and developing confidence and meeting women, and learning to identify patterns of behavior, not only this but after a while you will become quite aware of chick logic and sub-communication, each woman values something different, and you can meet alot of women who don't even know what they are looking for, and as long as you are the shit, and you are confident that you are the shit, she will realize it is you, you are the most important, reguarless of looks, because you have the most status, and as long as you move things forward before she has any reason to think otherwise, you will get better

go check out some lists of qualities a girl looks for in a guy, almost every girl has confidence topping that list, just believeing in yourself and knowing who you are, and what you want, goes so far with women

but when you are uncertain of yourself, and you don't think you are the shit, and you are all down on yourself and can't believe in yourself, why would anyone else believe in you? sort out cho' demons brah, go out and practise the verbal kung fu that is game, develope your own unshakable belief in yourself, then go out and kick some girls asses (metaphorically speaking, please don't hit women)

GOOD LUCK

It happened to me as well. I like day game much more now, but I just can't open on campus, malls and supermarkets. To solve this. I do this.

1. Pick a time and a place to pick up girls
2. Before you go, watch in field videos
3. Have a script, practice it in front of a picture of a beautiful girl
4. Do NLP, something like visualize
5. Dress good
6. Go

It helped me to open at least one set.

By learning the pickup stuff, I developed many bad conceptions. Success after approach is the most serious one. I'm affected a lot by Mystery's 5for5 concept (pick up 5 times and all success)

During the time I watch and read. I just realized that the success rate is pretty low for many pickup artists. You can check some videos of Sasha. You can also check the ABC news for Simple Pickup. One pickup artist just cant get a number. You can also see the gurus of simple pickup got rejected a lot of times in some of their videos.

It is an artful game, but it is basically a number game as well.

Just use some lines and concept from Sasha, 60 years of challenge or other method you like. Remember, pickup is not just an art game, it is also a number game.

By learning the pickup stuff, I developed many bad conceptions. Success after approach is the most serious one. I'm affected a lot by Mystery's 5for5 concept (pick up 5 times and all success)

During the time I watch and read. I just realized that the success rate is pretty low for many pickup artists. You can check some videos of Sasha. You can also check the ABC news for Simple Pickup. One pickup artist just cant get a number. You can also see the gurus of simple pickup got rejected a lot of times in some of their videos.

It is an artful game, but it is basically a number game as well.

Just use some lines and concept from Sasha, 60 years of challenge or other method you like. Remember, pickup is not just an art game, it is also a number game.

My mind set is "Find the beautiful and cool girl who also likes me"

I do not blame my pickup skills and myself anymore.

If I sense something wrong, I just think it for a while. That's it.

Just think this, right now,

I have this look, this state and skills I have learned. I begin to pick up. Whether it is success or failure, it is because of all of the kinds situation right now, myself, girls and other factors. It happened as it happened. Totally natural and normal.

I have this same problem. After I realize the rate of success of many pick up artists and the mind set "finding good girls who also like me". I feel much better now. Moreover, I do direct game by giving compliment at day time. Girls will smile and feel good. You don't believe it? Think about if random strangers told you you are handsome. You definitely will feel good and not bothered.

About making fool of myself, it is a legit concern too.

However, just think about how you feel when others made fool of themselves. Do you really have a bad feeling towards these people? Or you just laughed and that's it? Think more. How many people who make fool of themselves do you remember? Can't think one or you can only remember yourself?

Yes. The person who makes fool of himself does feel really bad, but others don't.