I am writing this because I see a lot of you struggling with insecurities in your relationships. At one time I also struggled with the idea of telling long term girlfriend about my fears and insecurities because I thought it would make me look weak. Many pua members act like robots with no emotion because they feel it is the best method to keep a women around which could not be farther from the truth! There is a difference between being a bumbling whiny beta, who cries to his gf every time he is upset about something, and truly and expressing your emotions, and concerns in a confident and alpha manner. If you you express your self properly there is no need for your girlfriend to loose interest in you, and in fact it can bring the two of you closer together!

So how is it possible?

Well first of all you need to choose your battles! there is a big difference between being jealous because guy posted something on you gf's facebook wall, and being jealous because your girlfriend is being disrespectful and talking privately with other men.

Situations were is is ok to express concern:

-Girlfriend is hanging out with other guys one on one (especially ex boyfriends)
-Live in girlfriend stays out all night without texting or calling
-Girlfriend dances with other men
-Girlfriend hangs out with sketchy women (women who cheat on their boyfriends, sleep around)
-Every time your girlfriend goes out you are not aloud to come and its "girls night" (weekly or daily)
-Girlfriend texting ex's

Situations were it is "NOT" ok to express concern (Your just acting beta):
-Girlfriend goes out for girls night once or twice a month
-Guy posts on girlfriends facebook wall
-Girlfriend hangs out with guys in a group (Her with her friends at a party or club)
-Girlfriend goes to male strip club with friends

So if you have a valid insecurity how do you handle it? What do you say?

You have to get in the mind of a women! Remember that what makes sens to you does not to a women! men think mostly with the logical part of the brain and women with the emotional part of the brain. What this means is that to a man it would make sens to say something like "When you talk to your ex I get jealous so stop" but since this is to logical a women can not relate, she can not understand your view point because she cannot put her self in your shoes, she does not understand you and instead this sounds like "I am a low value beta male, I don't want to loose your to your ex".

How do you get her to "feel" what you are saying and come off as the alpha male?

1.First of all you need to come into the conversation with confidence! You cannot start the conversation giving off a weak and beta vibe! you need to speak clearly, know what you are going to say before hand, and don't stumble on your words! You need to have direct points and not general concerns....don't bombard her with demands and insecurities! You should have one or two insecurities that you can go to her with but don't bombard her with problems! You have to express these emotions in a secure way! don't say "ummm..." or "so like" have confidence, state your concern and don't waiver or back down, look her straight in the eye and give the impression that you do not care how she reacts and that it is important that you are heard!

2. Stay calm! the number one thing most men do wrong in this situation is raise their voice, or get emotional, the key to leveling her emotions out is to stay calm and lead the conversation! If you can see that she is starting to spin out of control then you need to bring her back down. If she is getting worked up try touching her leg or shoulder and calmly say something like:

" Listen, calm down, we are having a conversation not and argument and this is very important to me so it should be important to you as well"

If she still does not cooperate end the conversation and tell her you will talk about it later when she is calm and will listen.

3. Ask questions! The best way for her to relate to you is to have her imagine being in your shoes, women need a visual, remember they use the emotional and creative part of the brain so they need to "feel" what you are say! A better alternative to say "Stop talking to your ex it makes me jealous!" would be "I have a question, don't answer it right away I just want you to think about it for a minute, how would you feel If I hung out with my ex ____" Unless she is lying her response will most likely be in your favour...at this point you can say "So can you see why you hanging out with your ex boyfriend would bother me?". This is much more effective then pointing the finger and playing the blame game! Its all about sparking the right emotions at the right time!

4. Always be willing to walk away! If your girlfriend is being disrespectful, or throws out an ultimatime such as "well I don't know if I can be with someone who does not trust me" then be ready to counter her shit test with something like "I trust you 100%, I came to you and expressed how I felt because I felt like we had a strong relationship and I was confident that you would understand me, but if you feel that way then I agree we should probably break up". Never beg in this situation! never give her the control she is looking for because the minute you do its over!

5. End on a positive not. If she agree's with you, and listens to everything you said, its time to reward her! Let her know that you trust her 100% and tell her you appreciate the fact that you can both share how you feel. This is important because she needs to feel like you are not looking over her shoulder, or attacking her.

If you express your self properly your girlfriend will gain new respect for you, she will become more open and honest because she will not fear your reaction, and rather then sneaking behind your back she will start asking permission if she feels something is a "grey" area. Many pua's feel it is better to bottle emotions up and strike fear into a women in order to keep her around but I strongly disagree with this method and feel it is not practical if you hope to have a happy and successful long term relationship or marriage! There is a BIG difference between fear and respect! creating fear in a women will only cause more problems long term, in fact this thinking caused me many problems in my own relationship until I realized there is a way in which you can be open and honest in an alpha manner.

Hope I was able to help some of you out!

i have a strict policy of showing no weakness to a woman now.

i will not share my insecurities.

they are mine, and mine alone, to deal with.

there's an old saying:

keep your problems to yourself, because 80% of the people don't care, and the other 20% are glad you have them.

your woman is not your confidant, she is not your friend, she is not your pal.

she is your mate and your partner.

it's a different type of relationship.

women need to feel rock solid strength from their man or they will next your ass.

you need to talk? go to confessional. you need a friendly ear? call your best friend.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Really?

You think you and you alone have the authority and moral justification to decide which of your girlfriend's acquaintances qualify as 'sketchy women?' You think people in healthy relationships monitor who their significant other is texting? Or, for that matter, who they 'hang out with' one on one?

This thread wreaks of jealousy and distrust, and I can't help but feel sorry for any woman you've subjected to the ridiculous hoops you've laid out in this post.

Your boy,
870

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"Do not blame, call out, alpha male, superman, or water sprinkle any hoes. And what will be, will be." -Hobbit

http://tinyurl.com/c6lbje<-Member Journal (PMZ Only)

Its really very hard for guys.

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granite ft lauderdale

In short, yes.

"healthy relationship" is a very elusive and relative term...I have never found it...you may have what seemed a healthy relationship at some time, only to find out later, by monitoring, that it was all in your mind. That being said, I do not monitor except on serious concerns, meaning that you are already thinking about walking away aniways. There is no way around it, women lie, even to themselves, they dont give a shit about it...

Only relationships in my mind, and you will suffer regardless, most of the time. You take this for the rewards: intimate sex and, sometimes, a rabid sort of happiness. But in my experience, these sometimes cost too much in the end...

As to Mack 2.0 comment on a woman not being your confidant, that is true, and I would not suggest to share your insecurities with a woman...that being said, I dont think that was the op's intention. In his example he did not confide anything in the woman, it seems to me more along the lines of how to properly confront a woman about doubts that she herself has put in your mind regarding exboyfriends and one on one's with other guys (that are probably trying to fuck your girl). In my book those are red flags, and can be confronted by being direct and in controll, or by bitching and blaming. Sometimes you need to ask whats up to decide what you will do, its the way of asking that a lot of men fail, I think the op laid out a way of doing that just might keep the respect you have for yourself. My 2 cents...

Yes, since it is dangerous to you alone...who else will make the judgement that your girl is hanging out with a whore. Your brother? Your friends? This task is ordained to you alone by using your experience and instinct.

Maybe I dont understand your question, what "authority and moral justification" is needed? a broad is a broad, not that complicated...I would not want my significant other hanging out with ho's, thieves, drug addicts, criminals, etc...

Yes for 2 reasons:

1# It is proven that the 5 closest people to you or 5 people you spend the most time with are the most influential people in your life, they have a big impact on all the decisions you make this why you should surround yourself with positive people who are working toward similar goals in life. Imagine your girlfriend gets in an argument with you, she goes over to her friends house who regularly cheats on her bf, your gf complains about you, what advice do you think that friend will give your gf?

You want to know who a girl really is? after a couple dates ask to meet her 5 closest friends, observe them closely, see how they act, see if they sleep around, ask your gf about them, if they are all a bunch of drunken bar whores then chances are your gf was exactly the same before she met you!

2# A good alpha leader looks out for the pack, a good alpha bf or husband should be the same! if you can see that your girlfriend is hanging out with people who do not have her best interest in mind and will put her in bad situations of course you should say something! at the end of the day its your wife or gf's choice, you should never tell her what to do, but to say nothing and ignore it is pure ignorance...If your gf is putting her self in bad situations do you really want to be with her?

To each their own but in order to have a healthy relationship it is necessary to share how you feel from time to time, of course you would not come out and say "hun I am insecure and jealous" lol If you tell her properly she will see you as confident not weak.

Does your girlfriend choose your friends for you? If you are not willing to allow her to control who your friends are, you do not have the right to expect something different from her!

I try not to judge people, yet I have likes and dislikes about some of my GF's friends.

I don't understand why guys think they OWN their girl! Basically you are just borrowing her and as long as she is "overall" happy, she will stick around. She is however free to drop your ass anytime she wishes just as a guy is free to do the same to her.


Peace...

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Crypto...
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All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

Yes actually my gf is not comfortable with me hanging out with a couple of my old friends and rightfully so...one of them is a guy who has told me to cheat on many occasions! he puts me in bad situations all the time! one of the last times I hung out with him we went to the strip club and he picked a fight.

so I don't hang out with him anymore....my gf was right he's not a true friend and I would much rather keep my gf around then a guy like that!

Also I didn't say you get to decide who your gf hangs our with but If you see that she is hanging out with someone who is going to get her in trouble then hell yeah you should say something! If your gf respects you and her interest level is high then it should not be a problem!

good luck telling your GF to get rid of her 10-year BFF.. she does not even recognize that the guy is a sabotaging jerk

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Actually, no dude...You should trust her until she fails you, and then kick her ass to the curb!

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Crypto...
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All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

There is no need to drop her 10 year bff....but if your gf respects you she wont hang out with that friend in places were she can get in trouble. What need does your gf have to go hang out with a bunch of single guys with her friend who cheat all the time??

I will tell you a funny story, One of my good friends had a gf who always had girls night! one night my budy came over and I asked him what your gf doing for girls night? he said "Oh she going to hang out with a couple girlfriends at frat house" I said to him "Then its not really girls night if they are hanging out with guys.....?" he looked puzzled and worried haha she told him she didn't want him to come because it was girls night....yet she was hanging out with about 15 other dudes that night.

Needless to say soon after he found out that she has been cheating on him and her friend was the one who set her up with the guy.

the trouble is the friend himself.. he has had disrespectful and sabotaging behavior of our relationship and I have had to set very clear boundaries as to what will not be tolerated. but, of course, I deeply dislike the guy, and it looks like in spite of my attempts at being friendlier, the dislike is mutual. I know (and to a point understand) I will not easily get rid of him, but still... my deep inner desire would be to see A.N.'s ass kicked to the curb

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

You must have misunderstood me, I dont want to find out stuff about my girl (like who she rolls with) to controll her, on the contrary, to let her go free. If her life choices do not please me, I dont try to change them, I walk away and look for a better fit.