Pumpington and me are talking about things like this when it's about dropping the ego.

I mean... why would you do this? She has a problem and just the fact that they're yet unable to communicate properly doesn't make this kind of behaviour like telling her "well fuck you I can't help it" right.

I understand what you're saying TonyKing though. And you're right at some things. He shouldn't apologise for the fact that she overreacted. Of course... But he had been pounding the topic of that smiley for no good reason. He reacted badly. If it was a test(which I doubt), he still reacted badly because he should have just ignored it like you do it with every shit test. He's also all jealous for no reason at all. He says he doesn't want to act like it but has asked about those dudes at least 2 times like who they are and so on. She's told him he doesn't know them and he's like "well...maybe I do" Isn't this an all blown up ego? Don't tell me it isn't... Acting all up on it gives her a reason to continue it. Is this wrong from her side? Definitely yes. But justifying her behaviour won't get us any closer to solve the real problem, which here is definitely communication. I mean... look at those texts. It's like they're not even talking to each other just throwing their own BULLSHIT (yeah... I like to caps it) at each other.

So here's my point. If he apologises for not being understanding that does not give away any power whatsoever or even at its worst only temporarily. Until they are able to talk things over. I'm telling you this. This girl will not talk to him about this one seriously as long as he doesn't apologise and this ALL can be her fault(which I doubt), but it's the case. And if OP wants to stop this behaviour, well then ironically he needs to apologise for one last time...
Isn't it what all women are about? That's what they're doing ALL day. They're justifying every single act of their life and if you call them out on this one you're really gonna have a hard time. All you can do is keep your calm and tell her upfront, but calmly, and explained in a nice manner what's your problem instead of playing games.
Can be she has a life too? I never knew about every single friend of my girlfriends. And OP also said that he was also invited to that party. And I know from experience that if a woman wants to cheat she will... and she won't put it in the window. She might tell you after, but won't set warning signs like "Hey honey I'm now going to meet 3 dudes and possibly cheat on one of them". These kinds of shits are always just stupid games that you should ignore.

I know you know a lot TonyKing,(also because we speak in private too). You may even know more than I do. But I trust my feelings and yet hold on to my opinion on this one.

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Yeah, actually me too. I really hope that they can work things out... And it's cruel to say this but on the bright side I think OP will learn for a lifetime how NOT to handle when your girl is playing games.

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I'm actually confused at how this spiralled out of control?! It's such a simple thing that could of been sorted that day or the next with a bit of communication!

After her reactionary text at the smiley I would of asked her what's up! Then I'd of made sure to call her and talk on the phone to iron out such a little misunderstanding! If she still pulled the "I'm not saying what's wrong" then I'd emphasise how improtant communication is in a relationship. I'd ask again. If they still won't say then I'd say "listen I've gotta run as I've a busy afternoon. I want to get to the bottom of this because I care but you gotta realise that I'm not a mind reader. Call me later if your ready to chat"

Then freeze out until she tries to contact you. Simples!!

It breaks her frame, says your busy and not affected yet your still there for her.

If my approach is wrong then someone please tell me

Wow, did you come off as needy there. She played you like a fool (and I bet she knows it).

This whole thing reeks of one-itis, and given the dysfunctional communication between the two of you it may be in your best interest to find a new girlfriend. I don't think she respects you very much. If she did, she wouldn't have responded the way she did above.

You can use this
[/quote]

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Sigh... Hobbit please get back soon I'm getting tired of this.

How many more times do we have to say it before all of you understands?

Relationships are NOT about gaming your girl!

Yes... you should remain a challenge and yes, you should keep things exciting, but when it comes to a problem, it is entirely up to proper communication, acceptance, and making a compromise.

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What would be the appropiate way to handle this right now? Never bring it up again? I want her to respect me yes but i also want to know who those guys are and im worried about it


Anyway, thanks all of you for the help guys! I might see her today, not sure, but if i will, i will update you what happened!

All right let's look at it from another perspective.

You see, he shouldn't take the responsibility of her being so overreacting. I admit that. But there has to be a reason for that too... which he can only find out with understanding and proper communication, not with judging her.

And he should take the responsibility of acting like a whiny cunt when it came to those dudes for example.

In the relationship there're two people. The man is the leader and the woman follows him. If the man doesn't have a strong frame she will get out of control. If they don't have proper communication then she can't follow either. I see both of these problems persisting in this situation.

A good leader is not judgemental. He searches for solutions. Let's take this a little bit ouf of context.

If there's a captain and his group and they fuck up something in action, then who will take the responsibility? If the orders were clear and a private disobeyed it will be his fault. But if the communication between the team was not working, or the cpt. didn't have the qualities to properly lead the group then it is his responsibility.

So a good leader in this case will admit his fault and then the group will follow him and together they can work on it. But if he persists and yells at the privates and continuously brings things up like "I want to know what you've spoken about with the other team" when in reality it might be entirely out of question regarding the problem, then eventually nothing will change. Moreover the team will be more disbanded and insecure, and even less able to do the jobs properly with each incident like this one. Do I make sense to you?
Yes... Don't bring it up. How can I make this any more clear? If your girl wants to cheat she will cheat no matter what. If she initially doesn't want to then you can encourage her to do so with this kind of behaviour. The more you act jealous and worried the more likely it will happen. Let me demonstrate:

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Ive read this whole thread and i am a 100% positive your a very insecure guy, i base this on the things ive read and could be wrong but most likely your a boy who think of woman like there god and better then men.

You check her twitter and read things you don't like, so why are you checking? It only hurts you.

Your TO nice to her and she takes advantage!

Despite what everyone says your girlfriend is not a good girl and you deserve better. I had the same type of girl, selfish, never apologized, likes to blame and create mad drama over nothing. Most of the time these girls have issues and lots of exes.

Listening to her and being the close to gay guy will get you nowhere, its done if you ask me cause ive been down the same road. Re-framing nice guy to alpha male with a girl like yours is in my opinion impossible.

You will break-up sooner or later so please start find yourself some backup girls and keep enjoying the time you still have.

I think she is like this because:

1. Your not a good leader.
2. You are to available and maybe not really have any ambition in life?
3. Your to freaking nice and girls want a man not a nice boy who tells them what they wanna hear and do everything for them, it will get boring and they fuck some real bad-boy.
4. Tex-ting to much, this kills attraction.
5. What challenge are you in this moment? she takes you for granted my friend.

Relationships should not be about games but sadly you need to play them with some girls unless you find yourself a good girl who is willing to do anything for you and has morals and respect, trust me there out there.

READ THE BOOK "TRAIN YOUR GIRLFRIEND BY MATT HUSTON". THANK ME LATER!!!

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Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.

You're right i am very insecure but i try to hide it from her eventho sometimes i cant

But about the ex part you are wrong, i am her first boyfriend ever, i am the first person she had sex with and im only the second person she ever kissed, she is very insecure herself aswell and always promises me she won cheat and stuff like that

On one hand i feel like she's playing with me but on the other it feels like she's just inexpierenced with relationahips (like me) and wants more attention

That's why i said most girls of this type have many exes because guys cant deal with the abuse and she wont change so relationships start falling, your lucky your her first as she has nothing to compare you to.

Please bro read the book "How to train your girlfriend by Matt Huston", it will open your eyes and give you so much more confidence! You can find it for free on google if you do some searching and its not to long to read.

After reading you know a lot more about being a man and taking control of your relationship. Your girlfriend and you will benefit from it, trust me. I dont have anything to do with the book but i remember when i was very insecure and after reading the book it all came together what i did wrong and how stuff works, off course you need to apply it as well and not just read it.

Good luck my friend! Keep us posted

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Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.

She just talked to me and told me she couldnt meet up today because she is at a birthday of her friend, i said okay another time then and she saud she wasnt available the next 2 days cause she had to pick a friend up from the airport and the next day she went shopping

Really feels like she doesnt want to meet up and doesnt care anymore

What the actual fuck? She's at a party... okay... She has to go pick-up a friend at the airport... okay...(don't really get how this alone makes it impossible to meet, but whatever...) But SHOPPING as an excuse not to meet-up? Is she planning on shopping all day, or what? This is ridiculous and unacceptable. You know...Tony was right at one point. It really seems like she's outright shitting on the relationship and at this point it does not matter any more who's fault is that. I'm very sorry to say this but this really seems to be the end... I don't think anyone here will argue. You could actually try to save it but now I think it's pointless.

You have the following choices:

1) Break-up for good.

2) Continue this behaviour and live in this miserable relationship until she gets bored with playing with you and dumps your sorry ass.

3) Wait at a friend's house and be unavailable for some time. This is not a freeze-out strategy or anything like that. It's to give her and you time to think about whether this relationship has anywhere else to go besides off the road. Which I seriously doubt... But hell I can be wrong...

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break-up.
her current frame is: "I am fed up with this guy, but I will not break up yet because the idea of having a BF waiting for me gives me validation and some level of emotional stability. I will keep him lurking around for a while then I will go find some new dick and dump him"

you shatter her frame by breaking up first. it suddenly all becomes "OMG my BF broke up with me. now I am lonely and unvalidated. what do I do? I should go out. maybe party. I will meet some new guy. Maybe. But I am ugly. I am fat. My hair sucks. Nobody will want me. OMG, I miss my BF."

if she is back after a few days, set your rules and get her back.
if she is not back, then you had lost her no matter what, and at least you salvaged your dignity.

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In$tinct agrees with the above posters.

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