I've learned about the PUA community many years ago. And over the years, I've got much much better at meeting women, although not due to the community. More thanks to my own realizations.
I wanted to share some with people here so that you can actually get results.
INTENTIONS
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One of the biggest mistakes that newbies and aspiring PUAs make is thinking that the words are the substance. It's understandable because a lot of the advice you read is in text form on the internet, with quotes of what was said, so it's easy to assume that the words are what matters.
No, humans, pick up on non verbal cues and the words are just a framework for them to move in one direction or another. Words *are* important, but only as a framework.
When you approach a girl, she rejects you on the basis of how ashamed you are of your own intentions. Want to see it for yourself? Don't just trust what I say, try it out.
The next 5 times you approach a girl, imagine that you have just picked up a wallet she dropped a minute ago and are returning to her. When you approach with this kind of attitude, and say "hey", notice her reaction to your "hey".
When approaching, you have to be PROUD of your intentions. That means you have to have a good reason for coming to talk to her, whether you verbalize it or not. Here is a good reason: "I just wanted to practice my charm on you". Or "I just wanted to see if I could make you smile." You can be PROUD of such an intention.
The minute a girl senses that you are not proud of your intentions, that's when she starts feeling weird and tries to excuse herself from the conversation. It's been poisoned. The best you can do at that point is completely shift the focus to something else and hope to override the bad impression. This is an advanced move.
THE ROLE OF EXPERIENCE
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Attitude is important, but it comes from experience.
Confidence gets people excited, but it comes from experience.
Don't worry about those. Worry about getting experience.
In order to get experience, you have to make it SAFE TO FAIL. That is step 1 in getting better at something. Once you really feel that it's safe to fail, you can try over and over, and often fail.
"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan
You can't get experience if you haven't made it safe to fail. As for the fear, I have a great quote for you:
"Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can’t laugh and be afraid at the same time—of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid." - Stephen Colbert
In short, the formula to getting experience is
1) Lower your expectations, to prevent disappointment
2) Learn to notice scenarios where it is safe to fail
3) Learn to laugh at things.
4) And then set an easily doable daily goal (talk to 3 women a day) and a reminder on your phone to go off every day, until it becomes a habit.
QUESTIONS
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Many PUA say don't ask too many questions. Let me say it differently.
Asking questions is great, but only if you pay attention to their answer and follow the question up with something. Otherwise, your question sounds empty and useless.
Example: "The weather's so nice today." "Yes, it is." "Where are you from?" X. "Oh, do you guys have great weather like we do?"
Actually the best time to ask a question is after a compliment or introduction, because that is when things fall flat.
Example 2: "I wanted you to know, I love your eyes. Are you Russian?" "Thank you! Yes, I am." "Ah, figures, every girl in Russia has beautiful eyes.
"
Example 3: "Hey, I'm Greg." (extend hand) "I'm Alyssa". "You look italian, is your family Italian?" "No" "Well you should look into becoming Italian. No really, I know a guy who can help. So where are you from then?"
etc.
Questions can be asked in the following ways to seem completely natural:
Guess + Question "You look you're Russian. Oh, where are you from?"
Compliment + Question "You have beautiful eyes. Are you Russian?"
Statement. Related Question. "Summer is great, I go running on the boardwalk. Hey, do you like to work out?"
There are many other ways to ask great questions.
TOPICS
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Topics, like words, set a framework for what to say. Some topics lead to great feelings, others fall flat. The ones that lead to great feelings usually connect with BOTH people's interests and motivations.
When you are wondering what to talk about, start with the decisions they've made, and go from there. Make them feel good about what they've done and what they're doing. People will appreciate you when you give them a new perspective on their own actions.
Are they from this neighborhood?
Did they move there recently?
How do they like it?
Did they move for a job, boyfriend, etc.
What do they do now?
Have they done fun things like X and Y (that you enjoy)
If yes - let's do it together
If no - they're missing out, you should invite them
Find a way you can help them, and that gives you an excuse to keep in touch. It doesn't mean you actually have to wind up doing it, but it helps to have a pretext in the beginning, to get together. People don't want to be 100% straightforward and crass about getting together about only one thing. They want to make each other feel appreciated as people.
That's about it for now.
G
CHAT