-Tell me what was your most exciting sexual experience!
This could raise resistance, which I try to avoid. I feel you could get a comparable result if you used something along the lines of "Has there ever been a time, where it was almost as if you feel really excited?" where on the logical level you could be discussing anything, but on an intuition level you're discussing sex.
You could even close your eyes
This is really good, love the use of the weasel word\lingusitic frame "You could even."
I suggest you look up something called pacing and leading, your pattern is using a lot of direct suggestion, and a healthy dose of pacing could help soften them up for it.
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-She might be able to see through it, or she may not want to share this experience with me(not enough rapport, and in this case this will probably break it too).
I prefer to make my patterns very conversational, the "classic" nlp\hypnotism patterns are usually craftily disguised as conversation, like discussing a tomato plant or a tv show, and even though they speak directly to the unconscious mind, on the logical level you're addressing something perfectly casual.
Not to say what you wrote is incorrect, there are girls that really love to be directly guided through experiences, but it will depend on the girl, the rapport, and your own personal style.