I broke up with my girlfriend earlier this week after dating for 3 months/being bestfriends for over a year. We ended things on very good terms with no anger or animosity from either of us. To make a long story short, she is going through a lot of personal issues with her family and it started to put unneeded stress on our relationship. It eventually got to the point where we weren't happy, so we decided to both maturely walk away from it for now.

Now with that being said, i'm still kinda sad about ending things but I knew it was the right thing to do at the time. I still love and care for her but I know I need to get away from her for a while to get over the relationship. So i'm thinking a few weeks of no contact would fix that.

But what makes it difficult is that I know she's going through a lot right now and i'm one of the only people that she opens up to. So it's hard for me to go No Contact on her knowing that i'm one of the closest people in her life. (after I told her that i'd always be there for her). I know it's not my burden to carry and that I should be selfish and think about myself now...but I really do care about the well being of this girl and want to help her through her problems.

But how do I handle it when she texts me 'Thinking of you' and other stuff like that. I don't want to get pulled back in, at least right now...but I don't want to think I've turned my back on her and abandoned her.

I know i dont have any good advice to spill at this moment, but could you describe how you did meet?

How did you go from being best friends to "boyfriend/girlfriend"?


Regards

we also need to know more 'specifically' why it ended and what was said/done at that point.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

well to be more specific, she started to act more distant toward me over the past few weeks...getting irritated often, not returning my texts/calls, etc. We had a few talks about it and she said that the stress from her family was affecting her and she wanted to handle things on her own. Well I'll admit that her lack of attention start to make me needy/clingy. However, it started to become a continious cycle of her ignoring me, we talk and make up, her ignoring me, we talk and make up, etc.

So I basically said that it was obvious we both weren't happy in the relationship right night and it's probably best if we just walk away from it before it gets too toxic. She agreed (and cried) saying it's sad and she didn't want it to turn out like this, that she doesn't want to lose me, but knows that she's treating me badly. I told her that her family issues should be her priority right now and maybe after everything's cleared up we could work on a relationship.

I should note that she expressed concerned about not wanting to be 'cut off' from me and how she wanted to stay friends. I said I would love to be friends but that we should probably take time to decompress from the relationship.

So that's basically it. But she's texting me now saying how much she misses me, etc. I do love her and want it to work out between us but I don't want to get sucked back into the relationship without her handling her family issues.

Am I being too cold by not replying to her texts? If so, what level of contact is acceptable. I know that I can't really move on while we're still 'friends', not without a least a few weeks of no contact.

Ok, well, that explains it.

You stopped generating attraction in her and instead of just being honest she went about it in the typical female fashion, which is passively and covertly.

Essentially, she lost the attraction and wants to pursue other prospects (if she isn't doing this already).

Instead of owning that action, it is easier for her to blame it on "family problems" (which we all have, but don't dump out relationships over).

Then she wants to keep you as a "friend" (aka: beta orbitter, aka: future option if other prospects don't pan out)

Then she cries and says she didn't want it to "turn out this way" (aka: yes, yes she did, she actively made it happen by pushing you away, this is exactly what she wanted).

But these actions are selfish on her part. They are intended to disguise her actual intentions, to assuage her guilt for doing you dirty, and to reduce you to an orbitter and keep you as an option on the side in case things don't pan out.

And here is the kicker:

All the while, she will have YOU feeling guilty and sorry for HER because of the suffering she is going through.

LMFAO

*Time for you to learn female language, Friend*

Sorry you had to go through this. NEVER listen to a female's words (they lie, all the time, about everything), instead watch her actions.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Mack could be very right on this one.
Do you know her family? You said you've been best friends over a year, surely you've hung out with them, maybe been able to observe their interactions on a semi-frequent basis?

If it's not immediate family (such as a bad relationship with mother which you would be able to see most likely, i have with my girlfriend), or a pretty heavy problem (I'm sure you know the problem?) then she is probably just pushing you away.

My current girlfriend and I are getting along very well. She has a bad relationship with her mother and it gets to her when things happen, I simply give her counsel about it every so often when something goes badly and other than that it's not really an issue between us besides adding to her overall anxiety at times.

The fact is -at least in my opinion- that she would want to be with you more, she would look for comfort in you during these hard times, if she really loved you. The way she is acting does seem like she is trying to push you away gently.
Her crying could be something, but I've had girls cry over Ex's that they cheated on multiple times, one cried to me because I had sex with her about 4 days after they broke up and I was basically a rebound, but she cried.

Women are nuts. Observe and think about the entire situation you have with this girl, if you truly think it is JUST family problems, and she really wants to be with you then answer her txts. If you believe it isn't JUST family problems as she's making it out to be- after reading our posts- then don't answer her txts, move on, and find a different women. Save yourself some pain.

Yes her family problems is essentially a falling out she had with her dad. She's always had an on again/off again relationship with her father and right now she just hit the 'off again' part. When we were still together she would tell me all about it and even breakdown saying that it makes her just want to push everyone out of her life.

In fact, the other day, she called me in the middle of the night crying about her dad.

This is why it makes it so hard for me to just go NC. I love this girl but right now she's not in the right mind frame for a relationship. However, I do want to be there to support her to get through this rough patch in her life, but by doing so, i'm not really getting over the relationship.

She's already been abandoned by her father, I don't want her to think that i'm abandoning her as well. Yeah I know it's not my burden to carry, but this girl was my bestfriend before we started dating.

well, that's another story.

if you are okay being just friends, then just be her friend.

if however, you have ambitions of winning her back,

continuing contact in a friend context whilst being her emotional tampon will do you no favors.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Well I do want to get back with her, but only once she handles all her family issues. Like I said, everything was going well until her fall out with her dad...which then started to have a negative affect on our relationship.

It feels like our relationship never got to run its course...like it was ended too soon.

She literally contacts me once a day either by text/phone...right now i'm ignoring her, but it kills me to do so.

So if I want her back, am I handling this correctly?

it appears as if you haven't even read my original reply

maybe others will tell you what you want to hear

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

I agree. Only you know what works for you. Trial and error, it will all work out.

Also, I don't know you, and I'm not advising you to take a specific action here. But something you wrote reminded me of some advice I received recently. An 80+ year old man gave me one piece of wisdom about picking a partner I'm going to share with you...

"If this girl doesn't respect her father or brother or any other male figure in her family...what the HELL makes you think she's going to do any different for you?"

Be cautious of the girl who doesn't get along with her father.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

my advice to the OP...listen to mack 2.0, its probably not what you want to hear, but it is right on spot, always...much respect to women, but they are ruthless when it comes to this phase, you need to keep your head afloat, listen to people that know their stuff, I would not advise to experiment at this point, otherwise much suffering ensues (she will break you like you have no idea). Good luck.

As I said you would break up
What Mack is saying about this girl and her true intentions is 100% true

Now here's what comes next you're going to continue to be her crying shoulder trying to be there for her like a nice guy.
Then a few weeks, months from now you'll find out she has boyfriend or just guy she's fucking. You're going to be pissed Then you'll come back here crying about it. Then I'm gonna say I told you so.

My advice screw this girl let her handle her own family problems cut all contact and go fuck 10 other women. But you won't do that will you of course not.....

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Friendzone 1-vt51424.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Well, like everyone is saying, Mack is right on the money. Also, I sent you a PM.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

like you i'm going through a break up now. I have agreed with her that i dont want her contacting me for a month at least. I'm using this month to show myself i do not need or rely on her to live(as stupid as that sounds). after this month she can do as she wants and contact me, but by then i wont really care.
Try that to get over her.

Initial cut contact to get over it but agree to be friends with her to get her to stfu for at least a little while.

In your case you can decide what u wanna do with her.
if u wanna win her back best to cut contact for a month and a half do something to change urself gym a new hobby (i.e guitar salsa) get a load of new clothes. then retry after a month.
also try and get with other people not only will you realise this girls worth to you but you'll also create some sort of jealousy for her if she hears about it.

To conclude cut contact
either to get over her or to win her back