I was seeing a girl for just over a month. She was a little older than me and finished a long relationship a couple of years ago but still hasn't fully got over it. However i didn't realise this.

The dates where going great, we were both enjoying ourselves and texting each other every day. When we were out with her friends they were calling me her boyfriend and it was questioned when i would ask her into a relationship. I tip toed around the question at the time but it stuck with me. I'm not experienced in relationships and thought a month was long enough considering we were going out together a lot.

I arranged to spend the day together and take her somewhere nice at night to ask her if she wanted to take it a little more serious. The night was going great and we sat down for drinks, i asked her how she thought things were going and she said really well. i asked her if she would be happy to take things to the next level. She said "i dunno!"

After i asked her the question she went all cold on me and we hardly spoke through the night or in the morning. After getting home i got a text later in the day saying she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. i asked her if she wanted to call it a day and she didn't.
I went round to her house because she wanted a cuddle and we had a chat where she explained the relationship, and she asked to go on a break, i agreed and said whenever she feels ready drop me a text and we'll go out.
The following 2 days we continued to text but it didn't feel like she wanted to text back so i rang up and said rather than going on a break we should just call it a day and end on good terms.
She asked me not to delete her number and we've agreed when she sorts out what she wants she can text me and we'll take it from there.

We now haven't spoken or had any contact for 5 days and i'm very anxious. I was just wondering if you recon i've totally screwed up by rushing in and if there's any hope, or wether i should text her to see how she is, or any ideas how long to give her?? :l

Thanks in advance

Did you ever have sex with this girl? Usually sex always comes before the relationship, pretty good rule of thumb. If you've never hooked up with her or anything it might have been pretty weird. She could've seen you as just a good friend to have fun with. As you said you had fun with her and all the friends all the time. But ask yourself if you came off as a lover or a friend.
Just my 2 cents man. There's a million other girls out there, sure you've heard it before. Sucks when a girl you're into cuts it off or acts cold. If you want to save it just txt her. Be like hey whats up wanna hang out, some shit like that. Act as if you're happy, nothing ever happened. If she brings it up then address it. If she doesn't want to see you anymore so be it. Time heals all wounds.

We were having plenty of sex and i think it's fair to say i haven't fallen into the friend category.

I just think if i text her it comes across as needy and maybe i've not given her the time and space she needs. I was me that finally cut it off and we've had no contact since (except for a game we played on our smart phones, ive had a request to play from her-i didn't respond) is this the right way to go about things to make her do the work or would it be better to swallow my pride and see how she's doing, or maybe give it another week or so?

Hi,

This situation is very common, when two people get together there is that new feel excitement, people start off by texting/phoning each other most days, spending a lot of time together, which can very often or not result in one person backing off a bit.

So lets say she backs off, the guy immediately detects this either in her being off, or the fact she is no longer texting back as quickly as she was etc..

So he then steps things up a mark and texts/calls her even more than he was, throwing the odd "is everything okay between us?" or "we can call it a day if now isn't the right time for you to be seeing someone", this in turn makes the guy come across as needy/insecure, which then leads on to her distancing herself so much that eventually things come to an end (more often than not).

So my suggestion is this, if the mistake of seeing/speaking and texting her too often from the start has caused her to distance herself, then it's time to do some damage control by getting busy, and by getting busy I mean get a hobby, go out, chat to women, (not suggesting you date or sleep with them, as you clearly like the girl you are mentioning) as it will help restore any doubts that you have in yourself based on what has happened.

There is a small chance based on doing this that you won't breakup and it will bring the spark back that she once had, or if you have broken up then she could well be phoning you to see if you can work things out.

I don't consider what I have suggested as game playing, I see it as taking the pressure off so that things are more relaxed and not so intense early on.

When you asked her out you did it too seriously. You put her in a serious frame of thinking regarding the relationship. You're giving her a lot of power and responsibility by placing the relationship in her hands. Plus women get squirmish when you try to tie them down.

It's advantageous to be fun instead of serious. You should be willing to take it or leave it

Just like to let you know i took your advice, rather than staying in this weekend i went out and put a few status's on facebook about what a good time i was having etc.
I think due to this and giving her space made her WANT to speak to me, so last night while i was out she text me to see how i was doing, it was a short exchange of text's as i didn't want to come across as milking it to drag it on for as long as possible. I left it so there wasn't much she could reply with but yet not coming across as being cold.

Her last text was simply 'cool have a good nightxx' to which i replied 'thanks i will do! enjoy your night too xx' i plan not to speak to her again now untill she next texts me. Or incase she feels like i'm not interested anymore and didn't want to bother me, i was thinking of waiting till next weekend the asking when she was free and we could make plans to meet up again.

She seems really keen and i think giving her the space and going out enjoying myself has sparked the flame again but i don't want to frighten her off again by being too keen but equally i don't want her to think i've completely gone off the idea of us two.

Thanks a lot for the advice

I've had this problem once, and I never made the mistake again. I was 18 at the time and very inexperienced. Dating girl 2 weeks, went on 3/4 dates and asked her out at a party (I was sober) she said she didn't want to be in a relationship and we never spoke again.
Since then I've never asked a girl out without her strongly hinting that I do. If I was seeing someone for a 3-4 weeks i'll ask what there opinion on relationships is, this will tell you if weather to ask them out.

You did well saying, lets just break up now. THis showed non needyness and by her saying "no, lets just have a break" it shows she wanted to get back with you otherwise she would have just broken it off. You also did good waiting for her to contact you again. But I dont think it would hurt if you contacted her first this time. Arrange a date but try to avoid the topic of were your relationship stands, just act like you never braught it up, if she wants to talk about it she will. Women like to talk about emotions too much as it is without men bringing the topic up.

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A bit of an update.

She text me last saturday 6 days after we called it off, we had a short exchange of texts. I text her the following night and it seemed to go well, we had banter etc. She didn't reply to my final text so i left it for her to text me first. I got a text wednesday night and we had a bit of a chat, me thinking things were back on texted her thursday afternoon, she replied twice and that was it :S

I've decided i've had enough of this and can't be doing with her if she's going to fuck me about. I'm abit disappointed because i'm aware she probably isn't fucking me about it's more that my game is off and not creating the attraction anymore.

My only problem now is i'm kind of caught up on one-itis on her and need to over come that

Bro, just one thing I do. I've never ever ever ever asked a girl to be my girlfriend or to take things to another level, and honestly I am not suggesting that you shouldn't do so. It's just in my life is something I have never thought of doing. The reason being that when you ask someone or someone asks you this question, it reveals that persons great investment in you, it gives away the fact that you have been thinking about this, and furthermore, there is a plan or a role you have already predetermined that person to play in your movie/creation. That's not even to mention the immense pressure that comes with labels. We have all had amazing relationships, mine have evolved from one thing to the other naturally. One day we meet each other, next day we hang out, next day we want each other, then we are talking to our friends and family about how much time we spend together and that we are moving in together and blah blah. Just make the girl an active participant in your creation instead of presenting her with the next roll you have imagined for her. I am not sure about my wordage here but I hope you get the message.

I agree with you

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