Even though I know this is what I have to do, I'm really having trouble just giving up.

Summary (you can read this or ignore it):
Briefly I've known this girl for 8 months. She's in my social circle. Things started out very promising, but I think attraction faded due to my lack of skill and game. I was just finding out about this stuff when I met her and stumbled through. Actually got one date and while I had a lot of fun and thought it was good, it never resulted in a second one. I've seen her a bunch through friend related encounters and she is always giving me slight IOIs. She had a boyfriend for the past few months and even though I was still getting little IOIs, I effectively gave up. I recontacted about a month ago, though (like a fool). We made some loose plans but I let them drop until she brought it up. Then we made slightly firmer plans but she bailed. And she bailed right after I noticed her FB status change from "in a relationship" to nothing. That was like 4 weeks ago. In that time I've seen her out and about and we usually say hello and stuff. Convinced BF is done. I've kept up some flirty texting and throwing a little disinterest her away, dropping mentions of what i'm doing but not inviting her. This past week I pinged her with a joke and ended with a "we should do those plans soon". She stopped replying.

In my head, I know I have a oneitis crush on her and I know it's never going to go my way. I just cannot get her out or get her interested again no matter how I game her. So I'm left with this idea that I have to walk away... but I just don't know how to put my ego aside and "give up." I keep thinking I need to lay it on the line and directly ask her out on a date so that she will finally have to firmly tell me no. But these mixed signals she throws just always make me wonder.

Aside from the age old advice "Fuck 10 girls," how do you get over a oneitis and just walk away from it? How do you do that in your head? What do I need to learn?

People are telling you to fuck 10 other girls because of two main things.

1) It will convince your mind that she's not so special

2) One-itis is usually common among newbies, who have to still work on their mindset. If you actually fuck 10 women, you will be closer to the abundance mentallity you need.

Basically, I don't go with this. I didn't need it, all I needed was just female attention. Just going around other females, noticing they're interested, and having fun regardless of your oneitis will be of great help. I strongly believe however that you can't play it all just in your head. You NEED to get out. And you need to get out anyway since you want to walk away don't you?

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

Alright Joe,

Sorry to read you're in a bit of difficulty - I'll try and throw in my 2 cents and see if that helps.

I think the key to understanding oneitis and thus be able to logically force yourself to reject it, is to get your head round the term in the following sense.

Being focused on one girl is no bad thing. People will tell you otherwise with the chest out man to man talks, but surely that's the end game. You bounce around with different beautiful women, enjoy yourself etc etc, but for most of us the end game is find that 'one' the becomes our girlfriend for a time/long term or even wife . Have the 'one' girl, as it were is not a problem.

The issue is reciprocation. It's fine having this one girl you focus on and can't get out of your head, but it stops being ok if she doesn't feel the same. If you're putting in all this mental focus, all this 'I really like her', I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that and the bottom line is that she doesn't at all return those feelings then you're wasting your time.

A way to consider this is the analogy of the bad gambler. Imagine being sat in a casino with your months wages, plugging away at blackjack. You really enjoy this game and you are throwing your hard earned money in to hit the big time and get rich. Except you aren't getting rich. Yes you're getting your thrill but that stack of money is disappearing and you are GETTING NOTHING IN RETURN.

Mentally get your head around this fact first. You are getting nothing in return. 'Slight IOIs', 'little bit of flirting' are you just seeing what you want to see. If she felt the same you would see it and would happen by now.

You may think I'm treading old ground here, but the key to stopping oneitis is understanding this depth of this concept. Your efforts and fixations are not returned and her signals are NOT signals. They are your hopes looking for things to justify your efforts.

There is a much better girl out there who WILL reciprocate. So why waste time here? Focus on finding that one.

Once you fully ingrain this belief, you will have no issue with her personality wise, but you will feel that emotional shift - that wall of indifference. "Fine, she doesn't want me? Her loss. *Oneitis severed*.

Know WHY you feel what you feel, don't just use the words BELIEVE THEM and improve yourself emotionally. You are of higher value than to be the dog waiting for scraps to fall from the table. Go get a steak.

Riot.

_________________
Using situational openers?
Throwing yourself in?
Able to flow conversationally from every good or bad comment they make?
That's the way its done.
The only game is natural game.

Thanks guys... this stuff is very helpful to hear.

I do want to walk away, but I have this nagging voice telling me that I'm failing at her because of lack of game, not because she isn't attracted. Is that wrong? For the record, I did walk away once (when she got a boyfriend for a few months), but I started to wonder at some point. Apparently when I started wondering was when her relationship was dying cause it was 2 weeks later that she was out of it. But maybe it's cause she moved on to someone else.

And yeah... i have her on a pedestal, thinking stuff like "well she's so nice and pure, she wouldn't just sleep around, maybe i have to be the nice gentlemen." It fucks with me trying to game her and navigate it. But I'm recognizing this is a big waste of time... I've given her opportunity to hang out, but she deflects it.

The one thing I can't understand is that she followed up on our loose plans and tried to solidify them, but then bailed on it and hasn't followed up again. I just don't get it. But then she baited me one night commenting on something I was doing. She clearly was fishing to see if I would invite her. Is it just attention whore stuff?

Anyway... again, thank you very much for the words you've written. I'm trying to read more about this philosophy and have more sense of abundance. My social life is a bit in the toilet in the moment, though. Most of the friends I have are just not cool and not good for going out. When I try to befriend people I meet, it doesn't result in much. I need to get into that more, too.

I have been AFC and had onitus with one girl for years not a short time. Not any more as those days of being a vagina are OVER.

The truth is she was not into me in the same way at all, although even now thinking about it she must have been out of her mind:)

The truth is to have a selection of babes at various levels of seduction on the go at all times.

It's the best and only anti-biotic there is.

yeah... i need more girls in my life to be gaming. i've just been finding it difficult to actually get out. most of my friends are married/kids and don't go out any more. making new friends has been really tough. i'm really trying to focus on improving myself physically and mentally at the moment. i just wish i had a better social life to be out there, meeting people.

it sucks even more cause the oneitus has a huge popular social life and i see her constantly doing stuff on Facebook. i need to get the balls to unfriend her. i've tried unsubscribing from her posts but it doesn't prevent me from checking her page.

Get a hobby. It's the most simple way to get new friends.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

I'm just going to put it short and blunt. Re-read through your posts and you'll see it.

Stop seeking outside approval for your decisions. Make one and be confident that it's correct.

That decision shouldn't be to unfriend her or game her or whatever. It should be to just stop worrying so much and being totally obsessed.

Keep her as a friend, just establish that you aren't going to be romantically involved ever. Ever. I'd even bet on it with you.

Now just move on. Decision made. She's a girl you know, not some goddess and not someone you should be following in real life and in the online world.

She's just a person you know. That is all. Just stop talking about it. Come to terms, move forward.

Good luck.

_________________
Using situational openers?
Throwing yourself in?
Able to flow conversationally from every good or bad comment they make?
That's the way its done.
The only game is natural game.