Fun without alcohol?



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 Post subject: Fun without alcohol?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:43 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2012 5:34 am
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Hey bros, really important question here...

It's my first post, bear with me.

I'm really good with girls when I have a drink in hand but suck without one... It really bugs me. My name's Andy, and a lot of people like me when I'm drinking... People call me 'The Andy man' when I have booze in me, etc.

I suck when I'm sober, like I said, it bugs me.

Anyone else out there have the same problem, and has possibly fixed it???

My step 1 here is to stop drinking period, but I know for a fact my 'witty comments' and what not are alcohol fueled brewtality...

Clubs are my #1 hook up spot, and I'd like to change that. Might be the wrong place to talk about it, but instead of getting laid, I'd like to actually meet a girlfriend quality type girl, and I totally haven't been successful.

Thoughts? Be brutal man, tell me how it is. I'm an admitted alcoholic, addicted to the party scene, but fed up, want to get out and actually pursue quality girls.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:27 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 12:44 am
Posts: 734
My last relationship started with a girl I met in a club. I got her number, got chatting to her a few days later, and things went on from there - so club game doesn't necessarily have to equate to one night stands and nothing more. It also doesn't need to equate to alcohol. Clubs are just a very good location to meet girls - where else do you have a concentration of hundreds of girls squashed into one or two rooms, most of whom are more open to starting a conversation (and possibly something more) with a stranger than they would be anywhere else? You don't need to stop club game whatever you're aims and targets are. Just a point there before I go on to the main point of your post.

I think you need to work the alcohol thing backward. I think most people when they're new are better when they've had a few drinks. You need to go backwards and figure out why that is (it helps if you haven't been so drunk that you can't remember anything!). Do you care less about what other people think? Do you just become more chatty? What sort of things do you chat about? How is your body language? Basically, what is different when you're drunk compared to when you're sober?

Then you need to work on reducing the gap between those two things. I think most of the gap is because of things your sober self thinks might be 'weird' or will make you look bad. Sober-you thinks going up to a complete stranger and flirting is 'weird' or makes you look bad; drunk-you doesn't care and does it anyway.

Now I'm not a fan of simply saying "stop worrying about what others think". It's a good target, but it's not really advice. If it was as simple as that, then nobody would be on here very long! But one thing that helped me was to think about the negatives of what I did when I was drunk. So, using the approach example that I mentioned briefly above - did you ever come across as 'weird' when you made a drunken approach? Did you ever look bad after making a drunken approach?

For me, the answer was that sometimes yes, I did a bit. but at worst case scenario it was nothing more than getting a bit of light teasing from my mates for a week or so before they forgot. Most of the time, I couldn't name you any negative things that had happened at all. Sometimes I got rejected, but there was no negative outcome from it - my friends either hadn't seen or didn't really care (why would they?), and I never saw the girl who rejected me again, so why would there be anything negative or awkward there?

So once you've realised that nothing negative comes from the way you are when you're drunk/had a few drinks, you then start to loosen up a bit when you're sober, because you already KNOW that the WORST the outcome is going to be is a bit of light teasing from your best mates. That's the very worst case scenario. Most of the time you'll either be successful, or the rejection leaves you in a completely neutral position that hasn't really affected your life at all!


Edit: when I'm talking about negatives and alcohol, I'm discussing purely the negatives of the approaches you made when drunk. If you're going out and doing something dangerous/illegal when you're drunk, then obviously there are negatives. And of course any sort of heavy drunken drinking is going to be bad for your health to some degree. I'm just talking purely in terms of the negative affects that your drunken approaches/personality had.


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