Hello everyone!

I hope what I'm about to write will help others who might end up in a similar situation and that some wiser man can try and help me with my relationship status. I usually tend to write more than I eventually want to so below the "story" I have cliffnotes for anyone who wants a quicker read to understand the situation.


On last year's June I met this one really awesome and pretty girl in the club. After making out with her then and playing a little bit slower (because I wanted her to stick) I finally laid her maybe 2-3 weeks later after meeting her for the first time. I knew she was attracted to me, but I wanted to do things right and I wasn't needy about her. I liked her a lot but I still kept going out with my friends and continued to have fun with my life even when she wasn't around. I had been single for a long time and learned to enjoy it so I decided to chill out and keep it as an open relationship with this girl.

Ever since I first met her we usually met 1-2 times a week. I gave her the gift of missing me, I had all the power in the relationship since I was enjoying myself even without her and never talked to her about our relationship status. Not surprisingly, she confronted me two separate times about "what is this thing between us really". The first time I said I wanted an open relationship, the second time 1-2 months later we agreed to make it a monogamous relationship between us - now she was my GF.

Last Christmas I went for a 3 week vacation and during this time we eventually had some fights with my girlfriend over the phone. This was the first time I started to feel needy about her since I wasn't sure whether she liked me or not anymore that much. After I came back to my home country me and my girlfriend started to see each other a lot more often than in 2011; now we met maybe 3-5 times a week usually and the spark we had between us was sort of fading. It wasn't so exciting to meet since we were seeing each other so often anyways. I didn't really realize this myself but I think I just got used to the situation and was content with having a girlfriend, "sex on tap" and not having to go out to pick up chicks.

So now this spring I started to spend a lot of time with my gf, spent less time with my friends and didn't enjoy going out so much anymore. I wanted to settle a little bit and calm down.

My gf had a big party just a month ago and after a night together she was telling me she was the happiest she's ever been and loved me. Just 3 weeks later we were excited as we were about to do our first vacation just the two of us abroad. It was supposed to be a romantic 2-night vacation. However, it was quite the contrary. I really acted out like I was out just with a friend of mine instead of a girl. She cried that night telling me that she feels I don't care about her anymore and that we've grown more distant. She also told me some cute guy wanted her number at a club and that she felt that the guy gave her the attention she's been missing to get from me.

So actually we had major drama for both of the nights and when we came back home 3 weeks ago I have suddenly become amazingly needy. I fear that she doesn't like me anymore as much as she did 6 months ago. I know that the best way to not destroy the relationship is to keep happy, keep the power and try and get rid of the neediness I have right now and somehow to start enojying our time together more. However, currently I am in the situation that I feel like shit whenever we're not together and I feel that there's something wrong with our relationship. I mean after the vacation 3 weeks ago I was able to somehow face the situation and be happy with her and she even said I've been nice again. However just this Friday morning she seemed more distant again but I didn't want to confront her about it because she was just about to go to work and I knew I wouldn't be able to see her now for the next 5-7 days. I didn't want to leave her for that long time on a bad note. But I guess I should've because now I just feel like shit and she probably just feels distant as well.

So I don't know what to do now really. It's Sunday now and I'll see her next time maybe on Wednesday morning (she has to go to work at 1 o'clock) or Friday (she has a holiday then). I kinda realize that being needy is what eventually would destroy the relationship - and I really am needy now. So should I tell her how I feel on the phone or when we meet (we talked about me fearing the relationship failing after the drama 3 weeks ago)? Then again I do fear this would come across as very needy and would decrease her attraction even further.

The other option is try to fix myself mentally and not talk about this so much. I just don't know how to do it really or how long it would take and maybe it would end up with us breaking up as well.

If anyone else has ever experienced a similar situation I would love to hear your experiences. Deep inside I know that if we break up I will feel better after some period of time and have the ability to once again improve myself with girls due to being single and eventually becoming a better man. However I fear the situation and have the fear that I'll never meet a girl who's as pretty and awesome as she is.




CLIFFS:

So basically in 2011:
- Met my current GF in the summer
- We saw each other pretty randomly (1-2 times a week even after we decided to make it an exclusive relationship)
- I had more power in the relationship
- I enjoyed my time without her due to hanging around with friends and going out a lot

After last Christmas and NYE:
- Started to see her more often (3-4x a week), developed deeper feelings towards her
- Due to seeing my girlfriend more often, I kinda got used to the situation and our time wasn't "as exciting as it used to be

After the vacation we made 3 weeks ago:
- Supposed to have a romantic first vacation abroad solely with my GF. Instead of having a romantic holiday we had major drama as she was crying telling me she doesn't feel like I care about her as much anymore, that I'm feeling more distant and that some "cute guy" at the club a week before gave her the attention she has been wanting from me
- Became more needy especially after the vacation we made just 3 weeks ago. Needy in the sense that I feel like she is special and I can't replace her in a lifetime with any other chick.
- I've become increasingly jealous (she is hot and I'm used to guys trying to pick her up when out clubbing) due to her telling me that some "cute guy" gave her the attention she's not getting from me. I also feel a slight need to snoop around and find out whether she's in contact with other guys.
- After the drama we had 3 weeks ago I've been mentally fearing the possible break-up and feel pretty desperate. I mean I believe that if one starts to mentally fuck himself up it's going to show in the relationship and eventually he WILL fuck up the relationship due to being needy and maybe more distant.
- I've also been confused. I don't know whether I should tell her that the drama 3 weeks ago still bothers me and how I fear breaking up. I did tell her this during the vacation but it still bothers me since I feel like we're more distant anyways. So should i tell her how I feel (and be needy?) or should I try to give her more space and try to fix myself mentally on my own and try to once again enjoy my life without her? I just fear the second option takes too much time and we're going to also break up if I start to see her less etc.

... So how to repair myself mentally? Anyone else ever experienced similar stuff? This still is sort of funny since after developing strong feelings for her I've become needy simultaneously and have really been giving power away slowly as time passes. I wasn't really that happy when I didn't have strong feelings for her when we settled for the exclusive relationship but I'm not happy either now because I've become so needy and beta due to the strong feelings. How to have and maintain a happy and healthy exclusive relationship with women anyways? lol.

I feel you bro, in the situation right now, I can not push too much right now, just keep it light if you want to make it work though it is so hard to realize the spark has faded. It is like walking on the thin ice. If you still can ask her out, just keep it fun, do something that you and her have never done before together. Give her space and improve yourself. Lode has given me the golden rule " You can not love a girl more than she loves herself"

Good luck

Yeah I decided to surprise her some way the next time we meet by doing something we haven't before. Did some meditation yesterday and somehow changed my mindset from trying to validate myself to her into trying to screen whether she is what I really want from life. Also, I decided to not play the mindgames (I don't think they're so necessary in a relationship) and just "did what I wanted" - called her and just chit chatted for some time. By talking to her on the phone I realized I had made up most of my fears just inside my head and it was nice to know that I could still make her laugh.

Anyhow I think the problem I have is that at some point I just took her for granted (that's what she was crying about in the first place 3 weeks ago) and forgot that in order to earn a 9 or a 10 you have to really work for it... even in the relationship. If you get into a relationship it doesn't mean it will always stay the same. I now decided that I will keep on trying to improve myself and making the relationship better and just try to be more present to enjoy our time together more. I've also already started to hang out with my friends more and so on.

So: always try and enjoy the present situation, do the things you want and keep on improving yourself to stay happy. In my case I think I just forgot about life in general a couple of months ago and just took everything for granted. I hope anyone here can learn from my mistakes