Hello

I have been with my girlfriend for the past two months. Everything is usually going okay and both of us are happy. I don't know why there certain times when it just feels like she is really distant from me and acts very cold. This usually happens on weekends. All week she will be just fine, we would hangout and mess around and all, make plans to hangout on the weekend and as soon as the weekend comes, everything just sort of disappears. I would still go out to clubs with my friends as i will not sit home just because she can't come out however i would like to have more fun with her as I am trying to make this work. She has always been hesitant to go party with me for some reason however this weekend was her birthday weekend. She said that she will go party with her cousins and tell me where they were going. However she never told me, I went out and partied with my friends. Next day I did not call her as i was a little pissed and we barely talked all day. she sent me a pic of us and but I did not reply to it. On Sunday I called her however she sounded very distant and just different. She asked me are you pissed at me and I was like yea of course im pissed but I let it go as I dont like to create useless drama. If i can go out with my friends then im fine with her going as well. Anyways so she seemed kinda distant all day yesterday and it is starting to bother me.

I feel like im loosing control of this relationship. What should i do? I am not really attached to her but I am trying to make this work. Any and all tips are welcome.

The less you "try to make it work" the more it will work

Heres my advice:

- Next time plans fall through, tell her about the awesome time you had without her instead of sounding needy and upset
- Wait for her to talk to you before talking to her
- Start flirting with other women and getting their numbers
- Play the hot and cold game right back at her

Will try to do it! she texted me last night saying that her sister broke the bracelet i gave her on her birthday...I didnt reply. I might call her today and try to act as if nothing is wrong and if she behaves wierd again, call her out on it and tell her to get her act straight if she wants this relationship. I dont like to play mind games and other bull shit, Id rather just get straight to the point and if it works it works...if not then it is not worth worrying about

hey good advice, i can apply it to myself as well, i love coming here to get sum fresh ideas when my head is all clouded, thanks.

Women love playing mind games, they will constantly test you with "shit tests".
You ignored her and failed the test. This communicated Im really upset and dont want to talk to you

You should have responded with something along the lines of: ah dang, sounds like your other boyfriend will have to buy you a new one :p

This statement is playful, it tests her frame of mind and elicits a response on her idea of cheating, states that the bracelet you gave her doesnt really matter because your relationship is not serious yet (which will make her feel like chasing you and turning it into a serious relationship). Its the classic cat and ball of yarn example. Women only want a relationship as long as it is just out of reach.

I agree with that. Its just really weird how it all just changed in one night. We are absolutely fine one night and after next night she starts acting completely weird. I asked her if everything was okay and she said yea, shes just tired because its her time of the month. Ill give her the benefit of the doubt

I am not so sure the advice given here is the right one (about push pull, etc).

Generally yes, but here I feel more the case of an already distant-getting-relationship.

IMO it is odd that you are both going out in weekends seperately.

The question probably is: are you OK with having a GF who is not that outgoing as you are? You seem to like going to parties, she does not.

The playing games stuff won't change anything about that. It's a structural thing.

Well she doesnt really go out much as she has to be home by 12 ( parents curfew/cultural). In our culture relationships are not very out open in front of parents unless its very serious. Right now ignoring her for a bit, let her get anxious and try to figure things out. Didnt talk to her today, will see what happens ahead. Question is should i ignore her more or should I come striaght and say whats bothering me?

If you want to be in a serious committed relationship with her, be completely honest. dont do it over the phone. Its important to talk to her face to face. her ignoring you, even when you ignore her is an IOD. Be honest, move on if she doesnt seem to want what you want.

If your actually in an exclusive relationship you need to communicate more. When she didn't tell you where she was going you should've asked her, txted/called her and just been like "hey whats up? whats the plan?" if she gets annoyed or w/e that's her problem and maybe she's not the right girl to be in a relationship with. My feelings are that being in a relationship yes, some rules of the game still apply, but a lot don't, especially the longer you are in it. If she doesn't answer right away wait like half hour and don't be afraid to call or txt her again.

the point of being in a relationship is staying with a woman who you really find a lot of joy in, in more ways than just sex of course, and one you don't have to play such little games with. A true relationship. At first i would play games in my relationship -current one- but then little by little i just started to be myself. I didn't have to play these little games of not calling back or waiting for her to text or not talking for a day because i was mad over some little thing. Obviously still tease, flirt with other women, etc, but the little games all the time are more of a hassle than they're worth. If you find this happening a lot; too often, confront her. Either it will work out or maybe she's just no the right one to be with.

Communication + trust are the two most important elements to any relationship, something I have learned only in the past several months.