Why do we as humans want monogamy? I have put a lot of thought into this and in my opinion the reasons humans seek monogamy is because like all animals we seek security, and safety. A relationship ensures that both parties have a stable supporting partner. What does each party get from this monogamous relationship? well men get to reproduce and pass on their gene's, and they have a women to care for the child and raise him or her to be healthy, and women get a strong protector for her self, and the children. Of course this is not what we think about while choosing a mate but it is naturally what causes us to yearn for good looking women, and for women to yearn for the "alpha" male. Its also why men put up with so much shit from women! why we put our self's through so much to stay with one women, why we come to forums like this in order to keep our women from choosing other men.

We all want sex, we all think of other people, it doesn't matter how hot your girlfriend is, if you see another healthy female (hb 8 to hb 10) you naturally want them. If a women (your gf) meets another alpha male she will feel attracted to him, its only natural.

Next time you are around another alpha type male, watch how your girlfriend reacts to him. She will start to push her hair back, touch her body, she will do all of this without knowing she is doing it, it will actually drive you a little crazy! then watch her around a beta weak male, her body language will change drastically! If you are a high value alpha you have nothing to worry about...think of it like two lions in the wild, there are other alpha lions trying to steal your gf, but if you are the pack leader shes not going any where! she would not risk the security she has with you to chance it with another alpha male, but if you are weak watch out!

So how do you guys feel about monogamy? Why do you feel we seek and yearn for a relationship? We all do it, at the end of the day most of us want to find "the one", yes there are a select few who say they don't care but in reality and in general all of us want to meet someone who we can spend out life with.

Monogamy is a societal construct. So, no, it's not "natural". However, biologically, we are built for short term monogamy. Our body produces endorphins for a period of time when we start spending time with a person we are sexually attracted to. These endorphins last a long time, but not forever. The point most relationships end, or somebody starts cheating, is the point when they no l longer get that rush of endorphins from their partner.

Just my 2 cents.

-Wolf

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Great answer! This is very true! Its why it is so important that we keep our relationships exciting, have good sex, have fun.

Monogamy is an oddity in the wild. The only ape who practices it are Gibbons and even they have been known to divorce/ break up. I think humans are monogamous to a point because thousands of years ago an alpha male staying with his young would greatly improve there chances of surviving thus carrying on the genes. Selfish gene at work. Thats my idea atleast.

- Masterstroke

I was reading a great article about our hunter gatherer ancestors (10,000 years ago) who did not have any possessions and shared everything with their group or tribe, that included women, before agriculture no man owned anything so there was no need to have a wife, if I caught a deer this week, and you did not catch a deer, then you shared with me, and so on.

Generally though as in the wild today, the alpha males led the pack, got first pick at what food they wanted, got first pick at what women they wanted to sleep with ect ect, and if you were weak and sick you died off.

Along came agriculture, and with that we were able to raise animals, build homes, and now had possessions. If I worked hard to grow my crops, raise my animals, and build my home, then I would not share it with anyone! That when wives became kind of a trophy of sorts, or a possession, the women needed a man to provide for them, protect them, raise their children, and the men wanted the best women....if you have a lot to offer why would you settle for an ugly, unhealthy women?

Today it is much like that! As men if we put all that time into a women, all that effort, all the money, ect ect....we don't want some guy coming along and ruining our investment. A relationship is an investment, think of it like a stock, if it starts to slid, and things between your gf or wife start to go sour you start to worry, just like if your stock started to drop lol and like a stock if a relationship ends that is an investment that you have just lost.

No, it isn't.

Your post assumes that you get nothing in return for the time, money and emotions you put into your relationship. The truth is that, whether it lasts forever or just a few months, you do receive something in return: wonderful memories and experiences with a beautiful woman.

Those things will stay with you long after the relationship is over if only you are mindful enough to keep the memories fresh and alive instead of allowing them be overshadowed by how things ended or allowing your ego to emphasize the worst parts of your union as a way of convincing you that you are better off without her.

Just because something isn't permanent doesn't mean it isn't good while it exists.

Your boy,
870

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I don't know if monogamy is natural per se.

I do believe that imperfection and inevitable failure are inherently human (or "natural").

Virtually all of us will, at one point, fail in our endeavor to sustain a permanent monogamous relationship.

Similarly, most of us will, at one point, fall head over heels for a woman despite our resolute decision to not do just that.

Failure, failure.

I believe that both men and women seek "commitment", but to different things. Men want a commitment to fidelity (which is more of a contractual mindframe) and women want a commitment to the fulfillment of her needs (and wants, this is more fluid and less contractual in nature).

I'm tending away from the notion not of monogamous relationships, but of "relationships" at all. I'm in a casual NSA sort of mindframe. I have a hard time putting up with the emotional neediness and drama that comes along with a typical relationship.

Personally, I don't want a life where I have to come to a place like this and continually practice how I am going to "keep" my girlfriend. Seriously, fuck that. Let's face it, we live in a culture where the vast majority of our female counterparts do not value commitment - which is perfectly within their rights. I just can't see months or (heaven forbid) years of performing like a dancing monkey to "keep" her. Keep her from what? Keep her from straying.

If the choices in life are the loneliness of being single or the neediness of being in a relationship, I will gladly choose the former. Even the most hardcore PUA gets oneitis from time to time, sometimes severely. So the whole be-the-alpha and maintain a frame of non-neediness is a great act while shuffling women, but when your heart is hooked, it's bullshit and it goes out the window.


NSA all the way...

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I'm not arguing the point that you are not left with memories I am just arguing that we as men get worried when a women begins to loose interest because of the investment we have made in the relationship, does it sound cold? yes, but its reality, of course I don't think of my gf as an object, I love her, care about her, and everything I do in our relationship is for that reason, but I would be kidding my self if I did not say I had invested a great deal of time, money, and effort into our relationship, an investment that to me has been worth it! I love my gf. Now if we were to break up would all that time and effort be a waste? no, I have memories and I have learned a great deal, but it would still be a great loss! a loss of investment....other then memories I would not have much to show for it would I?

See we get into relationships and build on them with the intention of our investments hopefully turning into life long happiness, we never go into a relationship thinking "This will fail" just as we don't buy stocks thinking "I will loose all the money I invest".

Again it might sound like a cold way of looking at things but lets not fool our self's, at the end of the day a relationship is one of the biggest investments we will ever make! and one of the biggest gambles as well!

I disagree with Mack's post, why the pessimistic outlook? The only thing required to keep my girl from "going astray" is being myself - which by definition requires no effort. It requires conscious effort to be my best self, but I do not do it to keep my girl, I do it to make the most of my life in general.

I think girls have the same problem as we do. I even think the average looking girl has a much harder time than us men who have learnt to consciously control our life (inner game). What is she going to do to keep her man from going astray when there's always a hotter girl out on the street? (or on a tv ad)

Remember I am talking from my own limited experience.

Happiness is all about perspective, and the only person who can give you perspective is you. No relationship is the key to life-long fulfillment. It can't be, because if it lasts long enough, it will inevitably change as the people involved change. It may even end. This is not necessarily a bad thing and it doesn't make the woman less wonderful or the time you shared less beautiful. It just is.

And this talk about keeping your girl from straying? You guys need to understand that if you have the three pillars of a solid relationship in place (emotional connection, sexual connection, open and honest communication) and she still cheats, she was going to cheat anyway and no amount of fiddling, yodeling or screaming on your part is going to change that.

Some of you are wasting so much energy worrying about whether your girl is cheating, you're forgetting to enjoy the good parts of the relationship while you have them.

Your boy,
870

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I agree being worried about cheating is one of the most pointless things to worry about! If a girl is going to cheat she will just do it, so let it happen and when she does dump her ass!

But...this does not mean you should ignore all the signs until she does cheat, its better to break it off with a girl before she cheats then let it get to the point were she does it. Most women wont cheat if their interest level in you is high, but some girls are just whores, sometimes it just takes a couple drinks and she will spread her legs like a gymnast lol

people get into a relationship and expect it to be perfect.

It's impossible to make no errors, especially when other people have the other half of responsibility.

ask yourself this question.. are you 100 % monogamous with yourself ?

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Wood pigeons mate for life as it's built in to them. The reason?? Fuck knows! All I know is that I like a monogamous relationship so I'll side with the pigeons lol

Getting back to the question, yeah, I think monogamy is natural. I think it's completely natural for you to want the one you're mating with to mate with you, and not someone else. This is why it's ok for your woman to have friends, but maybe not ok for her to have other boyfriends, husbands, etc. I'd say that's why there are far more "monogamous" relationships than "open" relationships.

That being said, I don't think it's natural for a monogamous relationship to last a lifetime. That, I think, is as was pointed out earlier, a societal construct of an ideal relationship.

You know its funny I just was reading a study that argued why monogamy is natural and it made a lot of sens! It basically broke down the human brain vs other animals and showed why we need thrive on monogamy and why it is important to human kind.