i thought your advice was spot on as well.

i also knew where your questions were coming from.

context.

age, personality, history...those are all important for any of us to understand WHY any girl does any thing.

if she is 18, is certainly means something different than if she were 38.

Hi guys.

I'm so annoyed right now. Here's the story:

My best mate was abroad for 3 months working. When I heard he was coming back we arranged a night out for his return. The plan was heading to a few bars and maybe on to a club. So it was me, my best mate, and two other good friends. This night was planned 2 weeks ago. I let my gf know about this in advance that I was going out with the guys for his returning night out. I should point out that my gf and best friend do not get on - I don't know why but it's just awkward between them.

So a few hours before I'm heading out I call my gf and she says she is goin out for food with her friends. I thought his would be good as she had something to do.

So at the last bar before the club I see my gf's friend walk in. I didn't see my gf at first. I was with the boys chatting and my gf and friend were in the middle of the bar trying to get drinks. I didn't want to go into the crush and try to speak as it was so busy and very noisy.
After they got their drinks she came over and I spoke for 5 mins and everything was fine. She was in good spirits. I did remin her that I was on a boys night out. None of us were drunk. So me and the boys decide to head off to the club. I turn around and my gf is gone. So I wait for 2 mins and look around to see if she is still here and she is nowhere to be seen. So I leave to go to the club.

I pull out my phone when I get to the club, which is about 10 mins walk to where she is. I was going to text her and say that I looked for her but now I had left for the club. Just as I start texting she calls and is going off her head at me for leaving without saying bye. She had gone to toilet when I left. She demands me to leave my friends and walk balk and say bye. Obviously this is not feasible. So I tell her we will speak tomorrow.

I then went into the club with the boys. 10 mins later my gf storms in and drags me away mid conversation to 'discuss how rude I was.'

She starts causing a huge scene in front of my friends and telling me what I can and can't do. Please note that I haven't seen my friend in 3 months and this was our big night out which was arranged for 2 weeks.

My gf friend had gone home since she did not want all this commotion. So now I have my gf who is very angry on her own. My friends who are waiting for me to return.

I can't let my gf home on her own in a taxi so I leave my mates and go home. Ruins my night and their night.

I am now freezing her out. Should I be doing this? Did she mess up? She has called 8 times in 3 hours and I haven't replied. I was so close I dumping her on the spot. This is not he first time she has ruined nights out by fighting over nothing.

How long should I hold out and am I doing the right thing?

Cliffs:
*arrnage night out with friend who has been set for 3 months
*gf crashes our night and starts a fight in front of everyone
*have no option but I take her home in taxi
*left my mates who I haven't seen in 3 months.
*disrespected my friends by leaving
*freezing out my gf

Dude a couple of questions:

- Current relationship length
- Age of GF
- General character of GF

These are critical points to see how rooted the problems are. I had issues with my last LTR GF (lasted 4 1/2 years)... and at the beginning I was a real asshole about determined things (not my style but SHE made it come out)... So I'd say things like: "When I'm late, you just WAIT for me! End of story." And other hardball shit, regarding going out, etc.

This is obviously NOT the best tactic long term.... But as an initial frame it is good, because usually a chick will respect that authority. Then with calmer waters, at another point in time you can girl talk with her and try to get her to understand why things are wrong.

But you gotta set ground rules fast because if not, you're gonna be "in a world of shit" later on down the road.

(and mind you my ex-GF was a clinical psychologist)

It really is expected that when you post a thread like this, you are going to get the kind of replies you are getting. You know, men vs female fight to the death. Let's prove who has control, shall we? While this is the common advice you'd get here, I personally don't think it's even near how you should be viewing things or reacting.
I used to do freeze outs when I first learned PUA. It comes down to a wanting to feel like your in control. When I got a little more mature, I realized I was acting like a 2 year old. Noticed your GF acted like a 2 year old at the club? People in this section want to act like 2 year olds, but want to date people who don't. It's my experience at least that this is not how things work.

Should you be freezing her out? Not really, but sometimes it is better than just yelling at each other. Dumping her on the spot gives an indication into either how much you like this relationship or how mad you were.

What would I do? Well, I'd have a talk with her. And not a scolding talk, like she is a 2 year old. I would treat her like a grown up. If she continues to act like a 2 year old after I've been acting and also talking to her like a grown up, then I'd know she is actually a 2 year old and find a new GF. Unless 2 year olds are your thing. I know some guys who seem to enjoy fighting and drama in their relationships. What I've also noticed is those guys are as screwed up emotionally as their 2 year old GFs. But that's another topic all together. Let's get back to you:

So how does talking to her like a grown up work? Well, you ask why she was so upset. She's going to be angry, just expect it and try to not get angry back (making things blow up). After hearing how she perceived the events and what caused her to get so upset, explain to her your side. Hopefully she listens. If she doesn't, remind her you listened to her perspective. Keep explaining, discuss where the communication went awry, and how we can prevent this from happening again.

But then again, if you're tired of this relationship. May be best to end it and practice the above with someone else.

Good luck to whatever direction you end up going

Damn that sounds familiar!

I was losing attraction for a girlfriend rapidly once and she sprung on me that she was pregnant...For nearly two months I believed her lies!! She would text me saying about her morning sickness the lot! I was gutted and actually in tears quite a number of times as I didn't want a child with a person I detested! Turned out she was lieing the whole time just for attention!

The reason I stayed with her throughout was because on quite a few occasions she told me she was about to kill herself then would stop responding to texts and phone calls! Which lead me to panic.

You sound like youve got a nut case on your hands!!


Tell me this...What would be your reaction if you actually got this girl pregnant? I doubt you see yourself marrying this one!

Dave

- 3 years in October
- Gf has just turned 19, I have just turned 20
- She is an only child with wealthy parents. She does generally get what she wants and has had it easy so far. Doesn't like to not do it her way...

That's a good point. I don't think I was hard enough early on and she has gotten used to just treating me like her parents. Like a walkover. I need to change the frame soon but she won't like it.

Great advice. I ended the freeze out in the late evening after the night out. I talked to her calmly and got her point of view and mine. She apologised and agreed she acted wrong.

Now there are a few worrying things have happened over this saga. I will list them and I would appreciate you view on them.

1) She called me relentlessly during the freeze out. She also text me at least 5-6 times. In some of these texts were things like:
- 'I'm really ill. Help me',
- 'EMERGENCY',
- 'I HAVE JUST BEEN TO HOSPITAL. They thought I had a miscarriage.'

To me this seems very attention seeking and worrying from a girlfriend of over 2.5 years. It sounds so pathetic reading back over them. When I saw her on the Monday (This argument started on the Friday night), she was fine. No sore tummies or anything. So it was all blown out of proportion and attention seeking. Needless to say I didn't reply to any of these texts because I knew they were rubbish.

2) She gave me an ultimatum and said: 'Say sorry for not answering my calls or I'm leaving.'
I did not say sorry and actually got up and said: 'I'm heading off now.'
Did I do the right thing and change the frame?

This relationship is getting pretty tiring if I'm honest. My grades are suffering at UNI. The next two years at Uni are the most important ones of my life. I start in September for next term.

I am going away with her on the first of September to Portugal. I think I will decide then whether I want to continue.

Thanks
Hero

on quite a few occasions she told me she was about to kill herself

The thing with this sub-forum is that we all want to give advice on what *we* would do. But each relationship is different, your in it for a reason. Even though I would never date a girl like the above and would probably drop her on the spot, that doesn't mean that's what you should do. I often include I, we, us, etc in my posts here to soften the blow and make it feel more like a team -- since I'm often disagreeing or slightly making fun of other advice. So just remember with any situation and any post here, that the above is important to filter through.

Honestly, if I were dating a girl who was psycho enough to lie about being pregnant just to get attention, I would dump immediately. That is just unhealthy and messed up in so many ways.

Dump her sooner rather then later unless you wanna risk suffering like gtdave, although his ex sounds crazier, but this one is starting to show symptoms as well. I hate girls who would stoop so low. It disgusts me. Good luck bro.

The day I found out the pregnancy thing was a lie she was gone. Never heard from her since. Though I did check her Facebook a couple of times just to make sure she wasn't pregnant lol!

I think she never contacted me again out of pure embarrassment. She's now dating a guy who is equally as dramatic...god knows how the house hasn't burnt down yet!

It was the happiest break up ever! I felt reborn lol...even went out to celebrate

To keep the answer short, yes and no. I wrote a post one time that indirectly touched upon this. Some of the replies are also examples of the reasons why I often don't like posting as much as I used to: the-problem-with-this-place-vt132918.html

I'm extremely observant of myself and others. I'll spare you the details, but it boils down to I've seen many relationships just watching people and being on this forum for too long. The solutions to situations are always different, but there are common "tools" to reach those solutions. The tools don't have the bias our personal point of views do. The two tools I'm trying to emphasize to the OP here are compassion and communication.

And you mentioned because I'm a moderator. That's one of the problems -- I want people to think and learn for themselves, not blindly believe someone because they are a moderator, high post count, high vote count, or the pope. He should listen to us, but realize it is his relationship. He has all the details. He has the full perspective. He should listen to us but also realize, we have a very limited snapshot of what is going on.

The above is a personal flaw of mine. In my relationships, I'm too calm. It appears to me sometimes you have to just let things fly. I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum than most posting here. And I learn from how they react to improve just as much as I hope they learn how to be calmer to improve.
I don't know how old you are (I'm only 23), but I assume you're older than I. I have noticed over my years here, the older posters benefit more from the forum. I think it has to do with having a firm grasp on their identity before getting involved in this stuff. I agree with your post 100%, except for the newcomer part -- since I am one

The above is a personal flaw of mine. In my relationships, I'm too calm.

I did remind her that I was on a boys night out.