I was getting some photos from J's camera last night and she was playing around with my iPhoto.
skimming through the pics, she found a bunch of old topless photos of girls I had sexted with.
she was not mad, but definitely sad about it. I thought that if I acted overly apologetic (as in "I am sorry honey I should have wiped all of that shit and then have a priest bless my hard drive..") it might sound incriminating (as in "I am being disloyal to you and there is proof. fuck I am busted") - which is totally not the case (I am a 100%-loyal boyfriend)
what I did is show her the dates of the photos and highlight that the most recent ones come from 2 days before we had the exclusivity talk (she perfectly knows I was keeping my options open and only cut out all other girls after we agreed on commitment, so that's not an issue)
what she asked is if I was ever jerking off to those pics (no!) and if I had shared photos of my penis with those girls (again, no!). then she said how she thought girls were stupid for sending that stuff and she was glad she was smarter.
the next day (yesterday) she randomly told me about how she wished she hadn't found those pics and again I reassured her that's stuff from the past.

incidentally, we have an inner joke about how I should be allowed to take a photo of her naked and then she would keep it safe and only let me have it as a 5-years-of-marriage present. so maybe a part of her sadness was because she thought it would be my first time sharing photo-naughtiness?

good next steps? as in, bring in my laptop next time we see each other and wipe all those pics in front of her? or just ignore the issue altogether and forever and ever?

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

My advice is be unreactive.

The truth is she is MORE attracted to you because of this - i.e. other girls are attracted to you - ups your social value.

Do not apologize for being a sexual person. I'd just say 'Yes, girls I'm seeing always send me pictures of themselves', change the subject.

The awful truth is if you apologize or grovel about it, she actually lose attraction for you. She is in a unconscious way she is trying to control how YOU feel about the issue - if she succeeds she will be more dominant and lose attraction.

Good luck bro

This is exactly the conclusion I came to. I just couldn't put it into words as well. Seagull does not need to do anything to make amends, because he hasn't done anything wrong.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Thanks guys

incidentally, it's good to know that I raised her attraction to me just by doing nothing and letting her use my laptop

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Don't delete your pics what happens when you break up with this girl. You will have deleted those pics for nothing.

Here's an idea send those pics to your email so you'll alway have them and delete copies in front of her if it makes you feel better. And make sure you never leave any traces that those photos still exist.

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Friendzone 1-vt51424.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

No - that advice is great for the other boards but this is the Relationship board.

Do you want to keep this girl or push her away? What does she mean to you?

That advice is great for generating attraction, having a girl find photos and thinking "wow... this guy might be out of my league..." but this is a RELATIONSHIP. It's moved beyond the attraction phase and now she's looking for comfort, security, stability, commitment.

Also some girls it may even work on them in the relationship phase if they're still used to getting all the attention and need this kind of reminder that you have options, to keep her interested.

But this is not that kind of girl. She openly became sad, she feels like she may not be as important and you may leave one day. This will cause her to lose attraction for you.

This kind of girl, this stage of the relationship, it's acts that show how much you like her which will make her hot for you.

If you really, really like this girl, and don't want to risk losing her, this may be a situation where you might have to sit down with her and delete them in front of her.

My advice is to keep a "thermometer" in this. Lead conversations in the directions that will give you a bit more information to see how she feels about the topic. And then start thinking about what you'd be willing to do to keep this girl.

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not crazy about lying. if I deleted them, they would be gone for good.
plus, I am not worried about a bunch of topless pics - I could get new ones any day (I got some before even learning the game..)

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

definitely keep her
it has definitely moved beyond the attraction phase, but AFAIK attraction is still a very important part of a relationship. unless I am in for a quick ride to beta-land
I would not bring up the topic anymore. If she does bring it up after several days, then probably she does feel deeply about the issue. I definitely hope she forgets all about it, since to me it's just a bunch of old stuff - and if to her it was an attraction-raising reminder all the better.

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)