Very general question, but if you were a bit AFC with an Ex towards the end of your relationship (aka being too nice and taking shit), but getting back together was on the cards, is it possible to re-frame the relationship and become the dominate one, such as keep it an open relationship or go to fuck buddies, then potentially move back into being in a relationship...or am I pipe dreaming?

Since being split up, she's been with one guy pretty much dating but he fucks off back home soon, and she deffo has feelings for me too and me her, she's seen me get with at least 3-4 girls over the last 2 months, and I've been acting like I don't want her back.


NOTE: Lets say we hook back up, should I state that I don't want to get back together and enjoy being single etc to get her more into me, I did this half way through the break up and she came back, but then I went AFC again...and it ended since she started texting the other dude she was seeing.


Thanks for reading

This cycle won't stop until you make drastic changes in your life.

Eventually you will both move onto other people so I'd focus on other things in your life and allow things to evolve.


Chances are very low once you've "AFCed" your attracted level to her plummets and she will seek another mate.

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I am doing exactly this right now.

I dated a smoking hot chick in high school when I was just 17. I was much much thinner back then but a total AFC. Our relationship lasted only a couple months back then.

Fast forward to now, I am 38, about 70 lbs heavier, aged as expected, but no longer an AFC or even close.

She is 100x hotter now than back then. I can't believe how great she looks now.

We ran into each other at my work and now we are together. I mean I am pretty attractive but way the hell out of her league on the looks scale, at least I think.

But yet when we met at my work she said she had such a great time seeing me again after 21 years that she HAS to date me again. I had another girlfriend at first. I played hard to get with the old flame a little bit, making her wonder if she had a chance. I finally left the girlfriend and hooked up with the old flame. We couldn't be happier now. I still wake up wondering what the hell she sees in me. But then again, I know I am not an AFC and am doing the right things so it just goes to show, my brother, that you DO have a chance. Go for it!!

Im in a not so different situation. I work with my ex that dumped me (she didnt say but it was because I was a needy chump) about 10 weeks ago. I acted like a bit of a dork for about 2 weeks before accepting that it was over.

She didnt seem at all interested in me until I actually stopped wanting her back. I started dating other women right away, did loads of new things, doubled my social circle etc etc. But it wasnt until I started to realise my life is amazing with or without her regardless that she again showed interest in me.

What Im saying is, do new things that you really want to do. Not things you think she will get back with you if you do but things youve always wanted to do. Date other women, make new friends. Even if you think someone is a dork, go out with them and meet thier friends. They may know some really good people.

Until you actually change nothing is going to happen. You can fake it all you want but it isnt congruent with who you are. You need to actually change for her to think 'Wow, he is way more of an Alpha male than i thought'.

Do it. Youve got nothing to loose.

Only way things will change is if YOU change YOU.

Also, remember this - The one who cares less controls the relationship.

It is true.

Thanks guys, great advice and useful experiences you've shared.

Since that post, we've hung out a couple times for 4-5 hours at a time, just going for food and talking about everything, she's still with this guy but he's back in his home country for months. We've talked about everything, and I realised I don't want her back, not now at least, our lives are going in separate places and it's just not the time.

I can feel her attraction and feelings to me are still there, and still growing, but I'm just going to enjoy hanging out a couple more times as friends over summer, get things in a good place and say goodbye. Maybe sometime in the future, who knows, but for right now I've got my life to live...

I can see you are struggling to hold things together. I want to inform you that there is help out there. I have been through similar situations with my current girlfriend to the point where I thought there was no way around the problems we had. I was at the maximum level of desperation to save my relationship. I learned a lot through surfing on the web about the conflicts that my girlfriend and I were facing. One example would be wrongfully dealing with constantly fighting situations about pointless things. I also learned important information such as:

- Tips and tricks to create and maintain an everlasting “spark” for you and your soul mate

- Why problems in a relationship at a certain stage arise as often as they do

- How to avoid these problems and being able to get over them with ease

- What it takes to know that both you and your partner are putting in 100% effort into a successful relationship

In reality, most of the mistakes occurring in relationships are not as serious as one or the other partner can make them out to be. Don't let you mind fool you into thinking there is no hope in salvaging your relationship; it will take sacrifice and willingness to move forward from both parts.

Source: relationshipsforum org

I'm facing the same situation here, but it feels kinda more desperate.

She dumped me after everything seemed to go the right way for 3 years and half, she was very careful, very loveful, the only exception was: in the last six months she didn't want to have sex with me. Just the actual act, she had no problems with mutual masturbation, she just avoided sex itself. Then very suddenly she broke up with me, and she told me she had some arguing with her female cohabitants (she lives with three engaged girls) who seem have told her that I wasn't the right one for her. She was told her reasons for not having sex with me were she wasn't in love. She bought that, adding to the fact that she lives 100km away from me and I had a lot of work to do so I had plenty of difficulties in reaching her in the last times, and those girls didn't see me often and told her that she deserved more than one who can't get you out often and you're not having sex with.

I now know that maybe I could have pushed it harder to reach her even the days I was tired from work, but in those days I recall I just were so tired I just wanted to go home and sleep. She really seemed to understand that and told me a lot of times she completely understood my feelings and that it was no problem if I staied home. But now I know she was lieing and just trying to be nice to me.

Now she told me she doesn't love me any more and she even can't find me handsome or attractive. With this words, I totally gave up and disappeared from her life, though she cried a lot asking me to stay but not as her boyfriend. I didn't bow, I removed her from MSN, Facebook, everything, and went alone on my road, I felt insulted for having being dumped by a girl after the trial of six months without sex.

I had no problems in the very beginning, I accepted that and I told myself that I had to move on very quickly, so I put myself on working hard and thinking about the fact that I lost a person who wasn't really perfect.

After two weeks I am totally puzzled and confused. Sometimes I want her back, telling her that I'm changed, I see that I had to care much of her, that I relaxed too much... but sometimes instead I feel like it's really too humiliating to come back at her after so short time and that I would surely being rejected and look needy and lose every chance I can still have... or simply that out there there are girls better than her, and that if I came back with her I would have the same problems soon or later. But these thoughts are cycling through my head and what I really want to avoid is to call her back and look needy. I really don't want that.

Help out there?