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If some of you are not familiar with what I am referring to, I have been placed in the, "he is good for a long term relationship" zone. I just recently realized this after reading reading some of DeAngelo's stuff. Apparently when your dating a girl you are initially catagorized. You can either either represent sexual desire (good), or long term relationship depending on the way you act. If you are placed in the "good for long term" zone first then the woman usually does not view you with very much sexual desire. Unfortunately I did not know what i was doing before and put myself into the long term zone and I am not really getting the sexual desire from her that I want.
How do I erase what i have done and make myself a sexual being before a long term man?
-thanks
You can start by projecting sexual innuendo and ambiguity into your interactions with her. Add in a small measure of asshole too, when she tries to treat you like the category in her head, instead of who you are, or who you want her to see. At this point it may work, may not.
The other option? Find a girl with less social value than her, and give her a pitty f..k. And make sure she finds out about it somehow.
You didn't do anything wrong. You just didn't frame the relationship properly from the start based on chick that was in front of you. So she framed it for you. And now you're the nice guy beta male. The provider. The long term prospect, and something to fall back on after she's given it away to everybody else first.
Again, you need to get this. Chicks, especially the young and inexperienced variety wont lead for you. They will either respond to your frame or frame it themselves. If they frame it for you, often you're done. They're also socialized to think all men are dogs. Why is this you might ask? Because those are the only kind of guys she responds too sexually, because that's all she's ever known. Unless she's been married before, every guy is constantly trying to hump her leg due to the short amount of time they have to spend with her. So often that's the only frame of reference she has.
So when you don't act like one she wont take you seriously.
A. She'll either think something's wrong with you, get scared, and try to sic one of her BBFIW (big boy friends in waiting) on your ass.
or
B. She'll think you're inexperienced and wont have any respect for you as a man.
Either way you don't get jack except a hard time, or played for a fool. Because she will not lead, nor initiate a sexual seduction herself unless you're a rock star or she wants you really bad (to impress her friends or something). And of course if she were to do this with you or any other regular Joe, she would feel like a slut and lose social value herself. Strange huh? I mean how can you DLV yourself by treating a woman with what you think is respect? Don't ask me bro, like you, I was just born on this planet. And we didn't make the rules.
Now neither one of these judgments about you are necessarily accurate. But consider for a moment who you're dealing with. Not Dr. Ruth. So you have to simplify things for them somewhat, by making yourself easy to understand. And by leading (defining the terms of the relationship from the start).
This of course can be a double edged sword as well, and that's another irony of course. In some ways it can feel like walking a tight rope (and she's the rope). Too far this way, or that and you fall off. Then you move onto the next one.
Another analogy is sticking your neck in a guillotine. One false move or misunderstanding on her part and she overreacts by tripping the lever. Whoops there goes your head, and your chances.
Still another is sort of like playing poker and Brittany Spears is the dealer. Whoops, was I supposed to shuffle the cards? Sorry you lose. Better luck next time.
This chick has placed you in the wrong category for her at this stage of her life, based on your behavior. Behavior which was wholly appropriate for anyplace but the bedroom. It just wasn't sexually attractive to her according to the only frame of reference she's ever had.
You can get away with this if dealing with an older chick, especially one that's been married before and understands men, but not usually a younger one.