I've been dating this girl I'm crazy about for about a year, while having met her about 2 years ago where we worked together in an office. The give to get ratio is pretty even which is great because it keeps it exciting on both ends.

We have never fought before and I'm wondering if its healthier to fight things out occasionally or if its better to always keep the jealousy and frustration to ourselves when it (rarely) bears its ugly head.

Its been funny because we can both tell when the other is jealous or frustrated but neither of us will admit it or talk about it. (I believe) we are mutually and privately fearful that starting something will push the other away and that starting a fight will ruin the great thing we have going.

I know its seems like a relationship without fighting is great but is it healthy?

Am I crazy to think that fighting once in a while could potentially contribute to building something stronger if we find out we can get past it together when we lose control of our emotions.

I'd like to hear as many opinions as possible.

Buy her a pair of boxing gloves to use on you. Why the hell are you fighting with her?

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Why fight when you could both work on the insecurities and erroneous beliefs that cause you to feel jealousy in the first place? Surely a journey of self-improvement would be more fun than a fight and provide just as much opportunity to bond.

Your boy,
870

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Well let's say she notices you being frustrated/jealous, does she just ignore it or does she do something to make you feel better? Actions speak louder. You don't have to talk about those moments if you take actions that show you are aware.

If something important comes up then it's worth communicating over. Just lead the way when that happens.

I have had a fight-less relationship. It lasted 3 months. Then she broke up with me.
She did because I was an AFC doormat. But for the whole 3 months it was all "I love you", "I want you", ... never did she pinpoint any failure/mistake/problem/issue on my side.
I am glad about the two fights I have had with my current GFs. We fought. And fixed it. And I am glad that we call out each other on issues. It's a common path to being better persons, and a better couple.
We never reached the being-very-very-very mad at each other.. but that was a feat that only my ex-GF ever achieved. She was a freak with low-self-esteem and was always able to trigger my fury.

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I'm confused. Why can't you just discuss the causes of your jealousy / frustration like two adults? Good communication builds strong relationships, not fighting. As the guy in the relationship, you should not be losing control of your emotions. That type of behavior will not benefit your relationship.

/unless you're dating a freak, because those girls love drama.

Just my 2 cents.

-Wolf

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I think it is normal to bicker a little bit in relationships. Cocky/funny teaches to sort of push-pull conversations in a way to build greater rapport. There are several ways out there to de-escalate situations such as verbal/non-verbal self-defense (judo if you will).

Many techniques exist to turn a potential "argument" into a harmonious co-existence where oftentimes the two of you end up laughing about the petty situation instead of having a screaming contest. I don't know how to explain it entirely. One of the coolest things I have learned from martial arts is redirecting energy. This energy manipulation if you will is seen in many styles of self-defense and I find the "softer" styles to be very useful.

Another concept that comes to mind is that of Game Theory, and that of a Nash Equilibrium. It's a pretty complex system and from my understanding is a way for both parties to come to an agreement. Compromise is key to this as well. Let's say for simplicity that you and this girl are trying to decide on a movie. Maybe she wants to see the latest chick flick but you want to see a shoot-em-up. Neither one of you want to compromise until a third option comes up with a movie containing both elements you are looking for, a romantic spy saves the world frag-fest film. (Bond if you will) Thus, you have no need to argue except for maybe who gets the popcorn.

-Chicoman

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"Failure is not an option. Everyone has to succeed." - Arnold Schwarzenegger
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I can see you are struggling to hold things together. I want to inform you that there is help out there. I have been through similar situations with my current girlfriend to the point where I thought there was no way around the problems we had. I was at the maximum level of desperation to save my relationship. I learned a lot through surfing on the web about the conflicts that my girlfriend and I were facing. One example would be wrongfully dealing with constantly fighting situations about pointless things. I also learned important information such as:

- Tips and tricks to create and maintain an everlasting “spark” for you and your soul mate

- Why problems in a relationship at a certain stage arise as often as they do

- How to avoid these problems and being able to get over them with ease

- What it takes to know that both you and your partner are putting in 100% effort into a successful relationship

In reality, most of the mistakes occurring in relationships are not as serious as one or the other partner can make them out to be. Don't let you mind fool you into thinking there is no hope in salvaging your relationship; it will take sacrifice and willingness to move forward from both parts.

Source: relationshipsforum dot org

some conflict in a relationship is unavoidable as woman will test you to see if you will stand up for yourself, you cant always emotionally detach yourself as a defense, although this is my preferred defense.

Anger can be an aphrodisiac assuming you are taking a firm position, drawing a clear boundary, and being strong. If you buckle, whine, supplicate, and cry it will work against attraction.

One of my philosophies is "Be good or be spanked". If she is being a bad girl (misbehaving), she earns herself a spanking. I believe the only part of the body you should ever "hit" a woman on is the ass. A good spanking usually builds attraction and is fun for both parties.

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"Failure is not an option. Everyone has to succeed." - Arnold Schwarzenegger
My blog - http://pickupartistpua.blogspot.com/
http://www.toastmasters.org

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I think it's half way between "you complete me" and "die, bitch, die".

lol

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