My girlfriend of 6 weeks is starting to talk to her ex whom she dated before me and he came and visited her this past weekend because he lives out of town and had something "major" to tell her. I told her I don't have a problem with her seeing him and going to dinner ect. I trust her and she's not the kind of girl that sleeps around. She's kinda religious. However I noticed the past few days my girlfriend has been texting me and calling me less than she has and my guess is she's preoccupied with him.

Unfortunately I got afc/needy last night when she wasn't returning my call or text and I got a little upset and I asked her to explain why she's not talking to me and what she's thinking about since I noticed her distancing and she said he's "getting sick" and she needs to take him to the doctor to get checked out for cancer. She said she misses me and stuff though(she's 3 hours away)

I'm currently at the beach on vacation and my plan was to distance myself from her a bit until she calls or wants to talk to me. How should I act without afcing this up anymore? Any tips?

I can't game other woman at the beach as I don't have that much confidence/game yet and I'm with my family so it'd be kind of weird to be gaming in front of them. Should I just act busy, ignore her call the first time and call her back the next day?

go to her...

tell her you are sorry because you feel hurt because you don't like her meeting him...apologize to her.

you don't like jealousy.. and you don't want to feel it... you just want her to be honest to you - you are honest to her so it would be great if she wants to share honesty.

in a relationship wether it's short or long term... it's not your job to be jealous but it happens... you are not jealous about them, you just don't want to feel jealousy - and that is what is bothering you.

don't go on this forum asking for what to say.. say what is on your mind and tell her how you really feel about it. you don't want to feel jealous of chode - it just happens.

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A: she still likes you but is starting to develop feelings for the ex.
B: she is no longer attracted to you but is staying with you because she feels guilty or is afraid to break the news to you.
C: she honestly just feels a platonic relationship with her..

In all situations the ex is having the ability to game your gf. If you've already demonstrated neediness then your also no longer in control of the social frame... This means basically she thinks she has more power over you and she thinks you like her more than you like her. (Doesn't mean her power is warranted of course, maybe she does like you more than you her. However, she doesn't believe that)...

you could be aloof, start hanging out with your own friends and be unavailable.
Her responses could be, she misses you/gets jealous herself in which you have power again and can demand she stop seeing her ex so much...

Or if she doesn't like you enough anymore, she could use this as an opportunity to end the relationship.

if She's still attracted to you this would be the way to go, however if she's not attracted to you anymore than you would have to DHV build attraction back up while simultaneously dlving the ex.


IMHO, I personally wouldn't deal with all that work just to keep a girl, i'd break up with her and start trying to daygame and find a new one. If she likes you still, then she'll come back to you or miss you....and if she doesn't still like you, it's just faster/easier to get a new girl.

Why tell her you're okay with it if you're not? Did she even ask? If you trust her, you wouldn't be here.

If anything, she should be texting you more. "I know what the situation looks like. But I love you and I'll see you soon." This something "major" he had to tell her? She should tell it to you, because in not doing so, she's creating an ambiguous situation.

Your gut is telling you something here. Listen to it.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

This sounds very fishy my friend. You don't go to dinner with your ex when your in a relationship. Off-course he games her.

"Something really important to tell her..." -> "Excuse to see her and win her back".

Your gut feeling is right and you have no idea what is happening but if i were in your position i would off told her when she asked you if she could go: "i find it disrespectful towards me if you went to see him, hes your ex! but its your call."

Then if she goes i would break-up with her but if she does not go i would go out for dinner and have a good night out to reward her.

This guy could off just called her to tell the important news but instead choose to see her in person.

Hope all ends well my friend.

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Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.

6 weeks and she is trying to cheat on you? Are you even having sex with her yet? Another forum I used to frequent required us to sleep with the girl first before we can consider her our "girlfriend" and post about her in "relationships".

Lemme lay this on you pure and simple. Girls have vaginas. They can be trusted as long as they keep their legs spread only for you. If her ex-boyfriend is taking her out to dinner, her vagina is probably still a little wet for him. A good girl would be home with you, sucking YOUR dick and generally having a religious experience with your cock inside her, not having some Italian bistro with another dude.

Worst case scenario: she's fucking her ex more than you.
- Solution: kick her cheating ass to the gutter

Best case scenario: erm... she is just having a friendly outing with her ex-boyfriend instead of spending time with her current boyfriend (YOU)
- AFC solution: continue dating her, marry her, only to find out she is a cheating whore, divorce her and give her half you stuff
- PUA solution: fuck her vagina good, try to keep a girl or 2 on the side, dump her ass as needed

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Don't worry about it. The best thing to do is to make her miss you more !!. Be unavailable but not busy. Since she is busy and calling you less and less. When she normally calls you etc, do something else (make new friends and learn more PUA). But make sure she knows that your doing other stuff with your life.

This will make her miss you more but don't push it!. When she say's i miss you etc, say you miss her too .

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Is this Life

i wouldn't accept my "girlfriend" going out with her ex.

simple as that.

set the expectations early and up front.

say to her...

"you would not feel comfortable with me going out to dinner with my ex-girlfriend, and it's not that i'm jealous, it's that it's simply a bad idea and in poor taste to do so."

of course, this always goes better BEFORE a situation like this arises.

personally, i've been down that road. nothing good ever comes from your current girlfriend going out on the town with her ex. it's a recipe for disaster.

OF COURSE, there is going to be attraction there. likely at one point, his penis was inside her. likely at that time, she enjoyed it. emotions stir. memories are whimsical. panties moisten.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

mack makes excellent points...

i like to be overly honest to a point where it gets to people ... it dismantles their behaviour and uncovers their true intentions. you immediatly pickup BS because you are honest your psychology is wired to recognize dishonesty in others.
nonsense.. they broke up it's not her job to babysit him .. he should go to a doctor with his mom or his best friends.... she doesn't got anything to do with it..

what is the real reason ? is their attraction .. does she feels guilt so she goes along with him ? yes tell her..

this is what i would ask.

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This situation is absolutely NOT cool. I'd dump her.

since this is the "Relationships" forum, you are past the gaming stage with this girl. The dynamics are now dick-in-vagina and increasing emotional investment in one another.

This whole ex situation bothers you. It would bother me too. I have always made it clear to girlfriends that ex's are ex's for a reason and they must (repeat with me: must) stay in the past. My strong personal preference is no-contact. Of course, I am a natural jealous. Most people would be fine with their current date saying "hi" to an ex over Facebook every once in a long while. I bet 99% of us would not be fine with their current date going to dinner with an ex. You are in this 99%. Unfortunately, you seem not to have set the right frame/have enough power over your GF to stop this behavior.

Your options:
(a) act cool about it for a while, try to shift the frame so you rise to the required power position
(b) break up. by this I really mean break up. don't walk up to her saying "it's either me or him" that is weak and usually fails. be ready to say "I am over with this because of this situation". now, if she wants you back, she will be ready to agree to your terms, and you again have the power. if not, GFTOW
(c) get back in touch with your ex and start hanging out with her. if the jealousy bells ring in her head more than they ring in yours, you get the power. if not, just fuck your ex

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"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Just be honest and speak to her in person, let her know you are worried about it, but be cool and distance about it. You are in a relationship, that is what they are good for.

Do not play any jealousy of needy/obsessive games, the only person it will affect is YOU. I know from experience.

I dated a girl whose ex was leaving town for good. She didn't want to be "rude" and not say goodbye.

She went with him and his buddies to a baseball game. Less chance of anything happening than if they were one-on-one, right?

She later told me he kissed her in the car. I dumped her then and there.

She pleaded and said, "I didn't want to hurt his feelings!"

The lesson is this: your girl knows going in to see the ex that something could happen. And she goes anyway. If something happens (and chances are, it will), it's because she allowed him to think it could. It takes two to tango, baby.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

i wouldn't tell her you are "worried"...

"worried" is weak.

just tell her how it is.

it's not like you are trying to tell her that the sky is purple and the grass is orange.

you are telling her "um hey, it's not cool to hang out with exes."

honestly, in my present mindframe, i would probably say this to her:

"i agree. you should fuck him. at least once for old time's sake. i gotta go play x-box. text me later."

then leave...

she'll be riding your cock within hours.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

i agree with mack.. because i have done that approach out of frustration and it works.

however it depends what you want.. a 6 week relationship is not much, i wouldn't put too much value one it.

well you shouldn't tell her that you are worried , because you aren't - you have some emotions going like jealousy etc which is uncomfortable for you... therefore it's your problem and nothing for others to worry about. Second telling her that she cannot hang out with her ex would be perceived as controlling or worrying as well - she will probably shit test you in the process. just tell her you don't feel ok with it, this doesn't mean you are worrying about it.

like i said just be honest what is going on inside of you when it comes to emotions , you don't have to label it as being worried or being AFC. i don't want to be a dick but shé's lying about the whole cancer thingy .. woman backward rationalize emotions and come up with the stupidest excuses in order to justify their behaviour, cheating or fucking you over..

you won't believe how many times i heard the cancer / disease excuse.. seriously... or the '' my ex is going through a hard time ''maybe the dude got cancer and im being a total dick by disregarding that option, but there is a 99 % chance that he really has cancer... why this estimation ?

because it's his freaking problem... she isn't responsible to babysit him and she doesn't got anything to do with it because they broke up. And why does he tell her ? what's in it for him ? if he really has cancer and he needs to go to a doctor his best friend or mom could hold his hand, he would be better off if he gets supported by someone who really has cancer or a certain type of disease.... he is interfering with your date/relationship by trying to draw attention.. that's not cool at all.

if she is spending more time with her ex than you she is fucking around... seriously... look there is nothing wrong supporting a friend or ex if they really have cancer but that doesn't mean orbiting around them 24/7...that's not being supportive that's called being married. even if the guy has cancer and she is ''married '' to him just dump her... she has a relationship with you and not his cancer.

this may sound hard but it's true.

aside from that you could be exaggerating about how much she's seeing him etc because you are emotional about , identify if you are magnifying things. maybe it all looks bigger than it really is. now if it's really true... and you are not blowing things out of proportion then just do what mack says , seriously. if that is the case consider your relationship valueless you might be better off dumping her.

would you put your ex above your current girlifrend ? if the answer is no then do not accept her behaviour...

and by the way her being around her ex who has '' a disease '' is not that bad, it's not good but not bad either - it can go both ways. what is retarded is her not returning your calls and messages - that's a red flag for sure. especially when she is around her ex.

my opinion.... again im really sorry for her ex if he really has cancer , but i had too much bullshit in my life and people lying to me. i wouldn't accept it, i would dump her straight instantly.... you can be distant, you an be realistic, you can be cynical about it and make jokes - do what works for you. i would dump her over the phone and if she asks why i would tell her it's easier this way because this way she can be around her ex all the time and support him, meanwhile i can date other girls instead being stuck in this boring relationship.

that's what i would say... would i like it ? no .. is it meant to hurt her feelings ? no... she's around him alot and she chooses to do so , if she likes that more than hanging around with me set her free and dump her. i would tell her straight in her face that im not going to fight with some retarded ex over spending time with my girlffriend - if she likes being around him more than me then she should stop wasting my time so i can date other woman and have rewarding relationships...

and at this point woman always say why .. or i love you... because if they really are thinking about cheating they don't want to feel like a slut - it's their ego so they will backward rationalize ... they are not convincing you they really love you etc they are convincing you they aren't a slut - that's the context.

iF she really loves you then why is she hanging around her ex that much ? if she really loves you then why doesn't she return your calls or messages - especially when she's around her ex ?

exactly... either ways, she's full of shit... because everyone fucking knows that something like that would make you uncomfortable.. even a 10 year old kid would know it.

if my GF talks to her cancer-ex once or twice a week over internet im not really worrying.. if she meets up with once a week im not worrying either - altho i admit i wouldn't like it. if it's more than that there is more going on... you get my drift ?

i gave you all the clearity , weapons to deal with this stuff... so maybe you would think ''ýou say like it's easy''.... well dumping a GF is never easy and i never liked it...it doesn't affect me like it used to maybe i would feel it for 2 weeks , in the past i would feel like shit for many months when it happened.

now guys here can easily tell you wháts going on or what is more likely because they aren't emotioally invested - they can talk from experience and tell you which outcome is more likely.

There is nothing wrong with your girlfriend overly supporting a dude who has cancer or another'' disease '' ( if it's true ), it's just a problem when it's her ex.
agreed ... i wouldn't let her ride my cock tho , if i would be in a bizarre mindset i would dump her straight after sex.

woman are so predictable.. when they are investing too much time into something they are emotionally obsessed about it - their brain designates it as value. if hanging around her ex is valuable then you should get rid of her ASAP.

unless you GF is a oncologist she has no business hanging around her ex that much .

if she goes like '' well i have my own life'' then dump her immediatly.. because if hanging around every ex that fucked her is part of her life she will only give you hard times , shitty emotions and problems...if i want a girlfriend i select her because i see her as my future wife - im really serious and selective when it coms to long term. if she interferes what that ideal or image i dump her straight ahead because it's more likely that no serious relationship is possible with her.

when she says or shit test you.. argueing.. ''i have my own life blabla '' do not beg her or try to keep your relationship... that's the mistake guys make - they don't like their relationship but they try to keep their girlfriend - it's stupid and counterproductive.....

be efficient, and ruthless when you need to... most guys are inefficient with their emotions and actions - you should be able to tackle problems that are larger than you. you should be able to tackle opponents with far more armor.. not the other way around.

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