So one of the most important things we learn as we grow is that things aren't always as they would seem on the surface. They can even be opposite of how they'd seem.

For me, one of the biggest examples in terms of relationships was when I realized that people don't like just being given things all the time. I used to think that would make them like you. But eventually I realized it usually will lead to them taking advantage eventually and valuing you less.

What are some lessons you've learned about relationships that are opposite what you might have expected?

_________________
http://www.communicationskillsactivities.net <-Click to Learn Secrets from a World Champion Public Speaker

I've learned girls can be a pain in the ass if you spend a lot of time with them.

teasing works. if you tease your GF 100 times and only validate her 1 time, she will love you for that 1 moment of validation much more than if you validate her all the time.
this of course does not mean you should not reward her good behavior. by all means do. but in ordinary moments, tease much more than you validate.
if you ask the girl she will say how she is annoyed by the teasing, but somehow loves it

at a glance, you would expect that saying you beautiful, you this, you lovable, you that would work much better WRONG

e.g. I have given a huge public moment of validation to J last night. it was also a reward of good behavior on her side. so, she deserved her validation and she got it. after the fact, I told her not to get used to it and returned to being a playful tease guess what.. this morning she was still talking about how sweet I was for publicly praising her

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Nice thread!

In my days before i knew PUA material thought the more attention you give her by texting her all day the more she likes this but now i know it kills attraction.

I also thought that by paying for your girl a lot it makes them more attracted to you, wrong again!

One of the biggest mistakes i made was to think that what a girl says or texts you is what she really means. "I cant live without you", "I love you so much", "We will grow old together". Then 2 months later she cheats or dumps your ass! Lesson: Don't believe shit what she tells or text you, look at her actions ONLY!!!!!

I always assumed relationships were easy but its actually hard and a lot of work if you did not screen your girl right. Planning, shit tests, drama, jealousy, money, sacrifices and the worst part: break-ups!

_________________
Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.

1# Women have a "what have you done for me lately" mentality, not what have you done in the grand scheme of our entire relationship, men usually remember and appreciate someone who has got them to were they are, women often forget the past. I figured this one out recently when my gf who I have literally changed her life around 360 degree's for the better! said she had sacrificed everything for me, and acted like she got ahead all on her own. Be careful boys! don't sacrifice your self for your girlfriends dreams because I promise you she wont remember! you might think she will but she wont.

2# All women are the same, yes they might have different unique personalities but at the end of the day all women want the same thing when in a relationship or when looking for a man. All women want a man who is wanted by other women, they want a man who is alpha, and once you let that part of your life slip her interest level will fall, she will become less and less attracted to you, and although she might love you she will either cheat, or leave you for a guy who she thinks is more "alpha". it doesn't matter who she is! so you better always be the best you can be!

Real shit...

I agree with this. How many times have you had a friend dating someone EVERYBODY knew was wrong for him? Doesn't matter what you tell him, either. He keeps dating the same type of girl.

I've learned to be skeptical at times, but not to become a skeptic. If you read all the stories on here, you can become one jaded bitch. Women are as evil as you allow them to be.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

What I often hear and what I can AGREE with - communicate. Problem in relationship - talk.

Your woman does something you don't like and you believe she will somehow stop or so? No. Talk to her and say what's on your mind. She tries to make you jealous and you're ok with it? Cool. You're not ok with it? Say it. I have had a problem of not saying something I don't like - yes, over the time it god bigger and bigger and I didn't like that even more. So once there's a problem, solve it while it's small.

Speak out your minds confindently.

I hope this advice will help somebody.

#1 Long Distance sucks

#2 If you have sex only about once a month, eventhough you live together, something is really fucked up.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

I agree, I would say the one month mark is a good indicator that there is something wrong in your relationship, or your gf's interest level is dropping. When my gf's interest level is at or near 100% I can tell....she wants to jump me every night, shes cuddly, always talking about sex, and if she pulls away from that then I know something is up.

Now sometimes when you live together and work full time she will be tired, but a month of rejection or no sex is a bad sign! A week is not un common but a month and she might be looking for some side cock lol

here is a relationship fact that isn't often expressed.

love is not an absolute.

i'll expand.

you would think that something as BIG, as BASIC, as FUNDAMENTAL as "love" would be a fixed thing. an absolute. defined and static. not dynamic and subjective.

but "love" means different things to different people.

to most men love equals commitment, certainty that your partner will always be there, will always want to be there, etc. essentially, you "love" having her.

to most women love equals the feelings (emotions) that you generate inside her when in your presence. so essentially, she "loves" the way you make her feel.

but what is love?

and how can it be two different things to two different people?

love is an illusion. it is a placeholder. it fills the gaps in those undefined reaches of our souls. it is a cureall for the specter of death. a fix for the existence of aloneness.

i suspect...that really we are all just sharing each other's company more than actually "loving" one another in relationships.

THIS in and of itself, as jaded as it may sound on its face, may be the answer to a successful relationship. the acceptance that love is an etherial take on an arrangement.

be careful out there.

love because you can. love because you want to. don't expect to see your version of it mirrored in other people though.

good to be back, btw.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Great to see you back, Mack.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

thanks, doc

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

well every idea is a illusion.. just a idea

not hooking up with someone is a idea , dumping someone is a idea, like someone is a idea, choosing you breakfast because it tastes good is just an idea.

all guys just run in vicious circles with ideas... Love is a idea derived out of uncontrollable emotions caused by instincts or spirituality.... you can fall in love or you can genuinely love.

like i always expected something out of relationships and there is always instincts and subconcious thoughts about sex, attention and dependance....but after years of bullshit i cut away all ideas and crap and i don''t have to worroy about it anymore - took me almost 8 years of non-stop self improvement daily.

now im at a point where i can fall in love with they sky... or just walk throught the forrest during a sunset autum and enjoy the leaves falling on my shoulders. when you can love something that doesn't give your ego anything whastoever you can fall in love with alot of things.

yesterday when i walked on the city streets along some old romantic castles i felt more love than i had with my first GF. im not saying im god or that i have everything together, it's a good feeling to know and feel that you don't need anything to make you happy- that im not dependent on external things.

anyway.. sex , dependance.. attention.. all ego or surface level stuff gives you a lower state of conciousness because it activates your ego.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

btw i used to fit in these catagories....if you have trouble with that kind of stuff just go celibate, travel, do self improvement... be spiritual an connect to yourself... most guys who cannot see their mistakes and flaws shouldn't even be in a relationship. if you attract woman that are fucked up that is one thing , but if you hook up with them that''s you mistake.. if you sabotage your emotional health by hooking up with insane people you probably have.

1. extremely low conciousness
2. no self love...

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526