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Not bad Sex Addict, but how is the boy supposed to keep it quick and discreet when he´s supposed to give her such a long speech? Not saying it wont work though. It really doesn´t matter what he says actually, as long as he delivers it with unshakeable confidence. I agree with that part. And again:BE SOBER!!! The last thing a grown woman wants is a drunk kid! Especially if she´s a bartender!
How long did it take you to read the "speech"? I'd say a couple minutes is pretty quick. What I meant by that is once you are done saying what you have to say, that you leave it at that and eject.
Of course it matters what he says. She is obviously not interested in any type of dating situation or having a 22 yr old kid pine-ing over her after she sleeps with him. Especially if he may go to her work in the future and fuck with her lively hood, so the only real chance he has is to lay the cards on the table and re-assure her its purely sexual, and will be 100% discreet. Without re-assuring her of these things prior, he will not have a snow balls chance in hell of her even considering it.
I'd also consider reminding her that you will no longer come into her place of work if she agrees to an encounter.
By eliminating as many possible reasons for her to say no as possible with your initial invite, you will give yourself better odds to seal the deal.
And yes, Be COLD SOBER. If you can walk in drop your invite then leave, you will have a much better chance. Or drop the invite, stick around for one drink then eject. The more secretive you can make it all, the better.