i missed the part about her moving out in august.

that may be good for your relationship, but it could go both ways now especially cuz of the situation your in

Thanks man! your a strait shooter and I appreciate that! every one need a slap in the face from time to time and that my slap in the face.

I did do a lot for her! I don't regret doing those things because I love her but I do regret doing them at the cost of my own hopes and dreams.

I might just have to be strait with her and tell her how it is, tell her I love her but she has to start supporting me, tell her to look at it from my perspective.

The kicker for me is how can she blame me for the lack of excitement? I have honestly made an effort, she didn't make the effort to make things exciting....its a two way street she cant just expect me to fix all our problems and she gets to sit back and enjoy the ride!

I really would like to know how you guys feel I should handle this tonight? and what I should say?

first things first- stop saying you love her every day. she already knows you love her.

next- i would demonstrate to her that you have experienced a revelation of sorts, and that there is an implicit behavioral change on your part.

do not verbalize this. most communication is non verbal anyways.
especially with women.

what is this revelation? well it is that you now realise that youve done a lot for her, and feel that she began taking you for granted etc etc, and now you want more support, and you want (ovbiously) for her to be into you again and excited again.

also that things became complacent. this is no ones fault; theres no blame. shes blaming you because women say GIBBERISH (dont forget this important fact).

its easy to place blame on others, but always look at yourself.

trust me, if you were passionate about other things, other hobbies, had a shit ton of friends, had parties/events to go to all the time. basically if you had an awesome life OUTSIDE of your relationship, i guarantee you would not be in the position you are in in your relationship.

the way to get your girlfriend to make more of an effort is NON VERBAL. if you start becoming alot busier all of a sudden, make less time for her, see her less, do less for her (because your busy, not because your purposely doing it), you will magically see her making more and more of an effort and supporting you more etc.

this is not an easy process, especially since you are in deep here and are very accustomed to the mentality youve had for who knows how long.

its gotta change . your girlfriend is not your priority.

Don't tell her you LOVE HER!!!! Tell her that "She knows how you feel" and that you are leaving so that you can figure out what YOU want!!! You need to put a bit of a shell around your heart and start defending yourself like you have spent the last 10 post defending her! We say she don't deserve you and you say "But I love her" "I need her" "I wan't her"....I say FU@K HER! Drop her ass today, don't look back for a few days and see how effing crazy she becomes trying to get you back!

YOU ARE BEING A PUNK! STOP NOW! Read that last sentence 3 or 4 times!

This "Tough Love" moment was brought to you by CRYPTO! Peace...

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Crypto...
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All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

alright boys thanks so much for all your help! great advice from all! I know better, I am not following the advice that I would give to someone eles and I am acting a little beta, I need to buck up and find my old self! when we met I was on top! friends all around me, lots of ladies, I was a super star and I have let that part of me slide.

when she gets home I am going to tell her to sit down and talk. Il ask her if she had time to think about anything and if she has anything to say, after that I am going to tell her that I have done a lot of thinking and I feel like I have done my part in the relationship, I have supported her, I have been a great bf, and I don't feel like she has put in the same kind of effort, I will tell her she knows how I feel and if she is not on the same page then we should end things.

The beauty of this forum is that we all give each other solid advice! I really appreciate all the advice! any thing eles you feel I have left out?

Best of luck bro! Hope you can work it out!! Let us know how you get on!

Will do! I will keep you all posted. Not even sure when she will be home.

Wow guys well what a drama filled night! talked about everything thing, some tear from both sides, I asked some very tough questions! a lot of them! Like were do you see this relationship going? am I your number one priority? and would you be ok 5 years from now without me?

we talked for about 2 hours and decided to work things out, then I said lets just go out for dinner and talk, so we did and she sprung some shocking news on me! she said she was moving away sooner then she thought because she got a job there early, she said she was going to quit her current job and move in 2 weeks!

needles to say I was shocked! when we got in the car she said "you seem like something is wrong?" I said yeah do you really want to hear whats on my mind? because Im going to be honest! she said yes and I told her "I think you are making a very emotional decision, I don't feel like you have put much thought into it and it sounds like you are putting your need first....seems like a "whats best for me not whats vest for us" she then lost it and said she was not happy in the city we currently live.

We got back home and I just basically told her im done, i deserve better and she was my number 1 priority, I dont seem to be her number one priority, and then her mood changed, she started back peddling and saying she still wants to be with me and we will make it work ect ect ect....I then told her I am hesitant and she needs to make changes.

Super long story shot, we are still together, she fell asleep cuddled up to me which is a good sign, and she promised me that she will change, I told her im not 100% confident that she would and she has to prove it not just say it....I dont think she feels they have changed but I feel a different vibe! I feel like Im going to hold my cards a little closer to my chest this time! I need to re gain the upper hand!

she is still moving in two weeks and I said to her if she feels she needs to do that then go for it but I think she could tell Im not 100% happy about it....I feel odd to be honest, I feel like I got my point across and she knows I was serious, but I still feel odd for some reason? perhaps its because she is moving so soon or because this weekend was just an emotional roller coaster? I just don't feel 100% right.

It's great that you stuck to your guns! Sometimes you can feel a bit numb after a fight! Personally I think it's pretty crappy what shes done about moving away! Must of been thinking about that for a while (job searching) and didn't say anything? Or was it a very recent random job offer?

Quick question...is this new place she's moving to the place she did a runner to these last two weekends? That would set off alarm bells for me!

Dave

actions speak louder than words.

ignore everything what she said, says.

focus on what she does. especially from now on. does she take steps to make it work? does she change her behavior? i honestly hope she does. its too easy to change words and talk you into believing something that is not true.

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"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take."
Wayne Gretzky

Thanks guys these are some great comments!

Yes the place she was this weekend is that place she is moving to, her family and friends are there so she wants to be there.

I told her this morning that I want to talk again tonight, she was very cheery this morning and seemed very happy which is a good thing, but I told her I want to talk about her decision to move so soon, and about the fact that apparently she talk to her best friend about our relationship problems before she even came to me, I am not ok with this at all! she told her friend about being bored ect ect ect, yet neglected to tell me? Now I am all for her spending time with her friends but when it comes to our relationship and problems I think she should come to me first? am I wrong by thinking this?

She also keeps bringing up that shes not happy here and she kept trying to guilt trip me by say "fine I will stay....il stay be un happy for you".

We sorted a lot out don't get me wrong! but I feel there are still some lingering issues that I want to deal with, like why does she feel she "has to" move up right away?, why cant she wait until aug? or the issue about her talking to her friends about serious problems in our relationship without coming to me first.

what do you guys think?

p.s we talked about what she did on the weekend, she told me they went to the bar one night, the next day they went to the beach and ran into some guys they went to high school with (I know the guys) and ended up going jet skiing, and drinking with them, then that night they partied with the same guys (there were other girls there as well) so I was a little uneasy to say the least but I didn't make issue of it I just listened and asked questions.

Il be honest I did not really know how I should have reacted to that, I wanted to let her know it really bothered me! Im upset that she was out partying with other guy all weekend while I was at home worried about our relationship, do I think she cheat? no....could I be wrong? perhaps? but the fact that she still was parting with other guys while I was here worried is not a good sign!

I am a little concerned about the fact she did this, Its a good sign that she told me about her weekend but as we all know women are great at lieing!

How do you guys feel I should handle this situation? I honestly never would take my gf for the cheating type at all! but the story she gave me just didn't seem to add up. I want to confront her about the situation but even if she did cheat or do something wrong she prob would not tell me any way and I would look "AFC" I have an odd feeling though that there is something she is not telling me....iduno

I guess it depends what your looking for? I'd certainly try to get everything resolved...There's no harm in saying that your dissapointed she went away partying while you where worried. Just say partying not partying with a load of guys!

Some people get home sick and some people go home to run away from their problems...

If it where me id be more worried that she was going home because she wanted to end things in two weeks and have a clean break! It wouldn't surprise me if you two got back on track and lived happily ever after! However it would equally not surprise me if she kept you happy for two weeks then broke up shortly after moving away!

Before she goes you need to make sure in no uncertain terms that your relationship is on solid ground.

yeah I agree there are some issues we need to sort out! I really really want to ask her if there is anything she did last weekend that she needs to tell me? I dont want to be "AFC" but I feel like she might have twisted the story in some way...Im not accusing her of cheating but I dont feel like her story made complete sens...for example she said she went home from the bar early on saturday yet on her facebook wall some guys said "funny conversation at 2.am last night! great seeing you!"

another thing she said that kind of struck me as odd was that after the beach at night her sister and her went over to this guys house and hung out, and just drank, just the three of them? In my head I was thinking "why would you, your sister and a guy you went to highschool with go hang out all alone?" I didn't say this of course but that just doesn't sounds right. She also says the guy is gross yet she hung out with him all day and then again with her sister at night? she told me her sister has a crush on him (her sister has a bf) so I said tell you sister she shouldn't be hanging out with other guys she has crushes on if she is in a relationship.

The guys is a total player! an ugly dude! but hes very very good with women! I have met him many times and he "gets around", my gf always said how much of a creep he is yet she hung out with him? I dont reall get it?

Does it not seem odd that a girl and her sister would hand out until 2 in the morning with a guy together????

If she's said something blatant that doesn't make sense then bring it up! If she said she went home but you know otherwise then ask!

In response to your other thread, yes I've been cheated on by a girl I trusted. Hell even my sister (who could get any guy) got cheated on while she was engaged. Everyone situation is different. I've seen situations exactly like yours where cheating was involved but I've seen an equal amount where a normal loss of attraction is involved!

Don't torture yourself as you don't know unless you ask!