Really? You would honestly spend 2 to 3 months of your life acting as though everything is fine and rosey, luring the girl into a situation where she possibly loves you before executing a pre-calculated plan of revenge? That is scary.

And of course they're not okay. But it all depends on how you feel about someone. If she loves the OP she agreed to the no contact with her ex thing to please him. Yes, she did lie by being in contact with him and I agree that it probably isn't innocent, but nevertheless girls can do stupid things. If she means a lot to OP then I think there is a good reason to have a talk about things.

not only I would. I did. 4 months. Then dumped the lying cheating bitch on her birthday. And she loved me. Madly loved me.
It is a worthy anecdote to share with new girlfriends about why they should not cheat.
If she means a lot to OP it ls all the more reason to just dump her and forget her forever. She can only do worse damage.
She loved the OP, and agreed to go no contact with her ex to please him. But in all evidence, aforementioned love was not strong enough to truly go no contact with her ex. To me this reads my ex comes first. Even more reason to dump her.

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

yes, this girls means a lot to me, and i am not in love (thank god). i could forgive her, but she has to work for it (otherwise she would not appreciate me). now she knows that i can dump her anytime she fucks up.

the revange thing... c'mon i woulndt waste my time on such things. and i am considerng getting back with her if she really works for it (meaning she wants it). otherwise, moving on.

gtdave, i see your point, you are thinking exactly like i do? i don't know if its good or bad though.

Rough Operator, can you be more exact on what you suggest i should do?

apocalyptica, i really dont know weather i am a rebound bf or not. could be. i would have to wait and see her reactions.



she has a really thight inner game.

she never said "i love you", and this text message...it was only "loved ya" in a text message.

besides there was this chat convo with her best friend where she said that i may not be the perfect for her, but she doesnt know yet.


just now she sent me a long email, some quotes:

"Hi my [my nickname]

I am not trying to change smng or “turn back”, yesterday was kind of telling a lot I guess for both of us, very sad.

“my slight lie to you” about meeting my ex…I could not tell you just because I didn’t meet you since than. Sorry!

why you don’t have pictures with me on FB? Why you didn’t ask me to change status as in relationships with you?

And if you have an idea that I still keep alive relationships with Ex, that just put fact in front of you; when possibly I could have time for this if I spent so much time of mine with you, all friends were secondary and very rarely I was prioritizing them instead of you. I spend all weekend in bed next to you being like in dream because of good feeling..[it is true BTW]

as conclusion want to let you know that I was really happy to know you, you are first person ever with whom I felt so free and myself…really, like in free flight, you made real me to become alive again after long time when my personality was “pushed down” with tries to change me. I saw in you so many positives and meaning full lines(for me) collected in one person, simply saw myself in you. I am really grateful I met you on the way of my life line, now I know that there exists somebody who is like “I was searching for long”, sadly destiny planned different. But I want to say thank you for all I learned from you, for all what made me better because of sharing 70% of my time with you in last ½ year. I got really deep feelings for you and feel like very much belonging to you, hope it will go away soon.

Please be more patient or talk to people before act. It will help to solve many cases before it is too late.

kisses to my [my nickname]."



WTF now?? What do I do now? Does she really want to forget me? Does she really want to get over me? Or is she just playing? What do I do now???

_________________
"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take."
Wayne Gretzky

her message comes across like she is playing a game and looking for attention.. Are you two in the same social circle, would you normally run in to her if you two were not in a relationship.. If you would I would ignore this message, then after a week or two when you run in to her start a convo and slowly escalate the relation again. If she really has feelings for you she will still have them then or else wont take hard to get it back.

Good luck

I think you need to meet her and say that you know her ex wanted to sleep with her on the day she went missing! She know you can dump her.

Plus she will never admit this but there was no way in hell that she was going to admit meeting her ex unless she knew you'd find out...but like I said she won't admit that!

Meet her face to face...no email bull shit!

If she really pushes on how you acquired the info then be truthful but I'd just say that you know he wanted to sleep with her and she still went and met him... After all that's what this whole issue is about!

Deal with it head on in person. Dont get into an argument and don't be afraid to walk away!

Sounds like you've done great so far!

Keep us updated!

Revenge is for pussy's! Honor is for MEN!

KaDak8,

Sticking to your principles IS her punishment!

Never back down! If you accept her back into your life, it is on your terms. Everything that happened prior would be null and void. YOU have to be willing to live with that, never again bringing up what caused the split. Otherwise you will constantly hold that against her, dooming the relationship.

The other option, is fuck buddy, if you can emotionally handle that with her.

The whole fuck buddy thing is a double edge sword, it means, you BOTH are free to fuck OP!

Good Luck, I feel your pain!

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

she has a point on this. the rest to me is worthless chitchatting. on this one item, she is right. if you are in a relationship and you want something, you ask for it. or, at the very least, you push it forward and make it happen.

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

I think you need to just use your own judgement on this OP, none of us know her or you, or really much about your relationship. Think about what you really want out of this.

By all means, take on board the things people have said on this forum, but don't let them dictate your actions if it's not genuinely what YOU want. I very much doubt you would give a shit about what some internet "PUA" thinks about you if you take her back.

This is definitely a wake up call for her, to say the least. Just maybe don't invest as much and keep a shield up for a while if you do give things another go.

she lied so you dumped her, i wish i had this attitude a few years ago.

I'm not saying dont get back with her but i wouldn't make it easy for her, plus you now have all the power anyway because she knows you aren't afraid to dump her

Thanks a lot guys! So many great advice! Drama solved (for now). We met in a public park yesterday, than slept together.

I met her, she was crying, apologized, but at the same time she was trying to attack. Mainly along the lines of how I hurt her before and how cruel person I was with the breakup (yeah, I gave her all her stuff and every pierce of memory I every got from her in a box also threw a plant that I got from her into her trashcan ). She was trying to act all butthurt.
This comment helped me a lot, it was no time to be a cruel robotic PUA. I cried with her.

Than she said I love you. She repeated it, and I also said I love you.

This is a huge thing. I heard rumours about this girl, that over her 4yr relationship she never told that guy the 3 little words. Now she was telling me that she never said this to anyone before. True or false, dunno, anyway, still a cool thing. I did turn her life into an emotional rollercoaster over the last few months.

But than I told her that she will have to repeat it the next day so that I would believe her. I m meeting her in 4 hours (today). If she doesn't say that again, than I shouldn't either? Or should I tell her "I love you" today (me first)?

_________________
"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take."
Wayne Gretzky

Did you lay down the law about the ex thing though?? Does she know not to try that shit again and if she does your gone for good?

I'd wait until she said it first again.

It's a long post but I feel it will be the best advice, so spear the 5 minutes to read it(I'm saying this cause I really feel for you)

hey, man I saw this thread by accident and I feel for you.

You don't have to worry about this whole thing It's a must in every good relationship, to have a fight or something dramatic like that. It only strengthens your feelings. As you said now she knows you're willing to walk away, and won't take you for granted - she'll appreciate you more. (it like with drug/alcohol/smoking addictions at first you start and at some point when you feel the withdraw it only stengthens your addiction)

Btw i loved that you cried with her - it amazing! You can't imagine how gold this is.


As for you two meeting I'll share in my experience what you should consider:

Tell her that you want to have a talk, without fighting, no blaming,etc just sharing feelings. Tell her that you have 30minutes/1hour (you choose how much) like a sharing bouble - you can say anything, share your feelings AND nothing will be used against you or her.
it's better to do it tonight, so just tell her that tonight she can come to your place and just talk it through, tell her this is the only way you can see it work out. It will also give her s few hours to put her in the right state of mind(she maybe has other things on her mind now, etc), keep this meeting short and a little bit cold(a little bit, don't be rude or try to hurt her), but tell her that you can't wait for tonight.

as for the night when she comes set the mood - dimmer lights(or maybe candles) have some food
just remember not to over do it, but you have to set a mood since you'll be sharing your most inner feelings and thoughts

after you've eaten, maybe talked about something, maybe played some music and danced together it's time to talk.

You'll know it the right time when you basically cuddle up to each other - she snuggles in your arms and puts her hear on your chest/showders
reasure her again that you can and should say everything you feel/thing/have done/will do/ how something has made you feel AND NOTHING WILL BE USED AGAINST EITHER OF YOU! And there will be no interruptions when one is speaking. You're goal is to share not to argue, not to fight, not to fix anything, not to resolve issues. Your goal is to share!

As for what to talk about:
Don't leave anything unresolved, and tell her that you shouldn't leave anything unresolved.
Now it't time for some AFC (I know we are all PUAs but if you want a loving relationship there is time for AFCing)

about the facebook things - tell her how they make you feel:
that you not having pictures together and not having the relationship status up makes you feel like she doesn't like people seeing that you are together and as if she's ashamed of you/being with you. (Remember no finger pointing, no accusing that she's bad - it's just how it makes you feel)
as for why you haven't asked her to have pictures together/change your relationship status - tell her that you respect her and her personal space and don't want to make her have pictures with you or change her relationship status.

Now let her tell you her side of the story - how she feels, shy she din't
You just listen and be present in the moment, don't argue, point fingers etc. just listen and (try to) understand

About the ex:
just tell her how it makes you feel (for the 10th time - no arguing or finger pointing) tell her that you care for her really much (or say the big L word if you'd like) and wouldn't want to lose her like that (Yeah I know it's AFC and insecure BUT guess what you are insecure about that, and if she wanted someone with no feeling she'd be dating and Ipad). Tell her that you feel like he's trying to take advantage of her (the thing about the quickie) and that he may be doing everything he is just to sleep with her (AMOG destroyer, every time he does sth. she'll at least consider that he's just trying to sleep with her), that he may be not be over her.
Also tell her you that you trust her and respect her, but she that also that she's the only girl that makes you feel like this and it's hard to fight feelings

Tell her that you thought what you thought: that they are seeing each other behind your back etc. tell her you can't help it and it's not that you don't trust her but rather that you don't want him to do something to her.
Who knows what kind of person he rally is. Maybe he wants to sleep with her so bad that he's willing to get her drunk, drug her, rape her etc.
Just do say that he's that kind of a guy(she may start to defend him) just say that those are some of the thing that went though your mind and you worry for her(you have feeling for her after all, who wouldn't worry..).
Say what's on you mind and how it made you feel (Remember it about how it made/makes you feel) and again no pointing fingers just sharing feelings.
Let her tell you her side of the story, how she feels



It's important in a relationship to see things from your partners perspective.

And keep going if there is sth. else you or her wants to share.

Cuddle together, cry together, feel connected


This is a natural phase of successful relationships - seeing things from each others eyes, sharing most inner/deep thought feelings, no sugar-coating

After this things will be great, you'll love each other more, appreciate each other more, etc.

(as for the ex either she'll stop communicating with him on her own(don't force her) or if she still want to keep in touch tell her that you'd like to meet him one on one, you and him and idk - play xbox, go for a drink, play pool. you want to make friends with him, make him like you and not see you as an enemy but as someone who's better for his ex girl, she'll love the maturity, OR if she doesn't like the idea don't push it. if she says it's not a good idea- just reply "ok dear/hunny")

Just don't dwell on it afterwards, keep it cool don't mention the talk you've had if she doesn't.

The important thing is that she now knows how you feel and how what she does make you feel and you know how she feels and how what you do makes her feel.


Last word of advice: make this "sharing bouble" a regular thing - once a month, once a week you do that

_________________
Live life now, cause in 40-50 years you'll regret not doing something, far more than you would've regretted doing it!

thanks a lot for all the input!

yeah, the ex thing was a clear rule before, now she saw what happens when she breaks it. i just dont wanna over emphasize it and being seen needy. i think she learnt.

BUT she never said "i love you" again. the only time she said it was durning this crazy emotional turmoil. i told her to repeat it the following day to
make me beleive it, but she never did. i also didnt say it since, even tho we spent the whole weekent together.

any advice? did i do somethig wrong? did she mean it? how do i make her say it more?

_________________
"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take."
Wayne Gretzky

I'd just straight up ask her why she didn't say it! Don't forget that right now you have the power...you can walk away at any time! Oh and do it in person!