I went out with this girl last week and everything seemed to go fine. It started to crowded in the bar we were in so I suggested going to another one that was quieter. Well we got there and her friend called her and her friend and another guy showed up. Well then the girl and friend decided that it would be a good idea to go to a diner for something to eat after it closed. So I went along. But things started to fall apart after this. I felt as though I lost control of the frame and didn't know how to get it back. So, is it okay to bounce to another location if she suggests it?

Okay you had control of the set and frame when you initiated the move to a quieter area. When she got a call, and then bounced you, she had control. Why because she asked you a question, and you agreed.

Looking back on this, and hindsight is 20/20, I would have #closed possibly k-closed, and DHV myself by saying I can't I have some friends I have to meet, etc.

Either A, don't go along so easily make her work through your shit tests for it, or B don't go at all and DHV yourself by not letting her take control of you.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

I wouldn't go. You lose control of the set. Just say you got something else to do, close, and go hit on another set.

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afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html

I have a friend whos a natural, and what he does when he loses control of picking the bounce location is he forcibly tries to get people to another one...which ruins his frame for the whole night.

Id suggest either leaving, and useing an excuse like J suggested...or going along, but treating the new set comming in as just that.

Think about it this way, you started with the girl. You opened neg'd etc...things went fine as you moved along the chronological line of precess's. However when she had 2 of her friends come it now becomes a new set, with new social dynamics.

What you coulda done was instantly focused on the other 2 as if they were obsticles in a new set (because they are). Befriend the guy and the girl with him, by DHV'ing, being humorus etc. At this point though i wouldnt neg, except maybe an extremely light neg if needed to your target.

Just because someone decides when or where to go, or a group decides...doesnt mean you cant pull the frame back to you and still go. Its harder to get the frame back this way as oppossed to if you left, sure...but might be worth the challenge.

**EDIT**
Another good way to bring the frame back in your direction, is pickup where they left off in suggesting a location.

For instance, they say hey guys you wana goto the diner?

(in the split second before people answer, you check thier facial expressions and body language, do they look on the fence about it, do they want to go, or do none of them want to?)

If they dont wana go pipe up and say something, "Na its kinda late..." or "We are having fun here..." or "I know of another place thats really cool..."

Any other reaction..be it nuetral or positive to the idea...become the ring leader. "Yea we should go there now, i heard they have excellent food. You guys would love it."

Basically hijak the idea in your favor by reading the group and going in the direction the majority wants (as long as it doesnt alienate your target whom youve already moved deeper into M3 with). If you and your target arent intrested and she is invested into you, bounce to your place or another location.

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-Ka-
"Be the same, only better."