Day 18

Thank fuck I managed to compliment.

As I was walking into starbucks I saw this okayish looking girl who works there. I would call her a shrinking violet as she not typically fit.

There were a lot of kids in front of me. So I opened with, 'Wow lots of kids out today, must be start of the holiday season. Then as I got my tea, I said I liked the patterns on her hands, and asked if she was going to a wedding. She said it was her sister's wedding in the weekend and she got her hands painted.

This is typical of indian/asian style weddings.

Then I smiled and her and got my tea.

Improvements

-I could have spoken a little louder.
-I could have cheekily asked her if she was married and if so why not... Then maybe somehow transitioned to asking for her number.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Next to compliment two women...

If all goes well attempt a small kino... If I can to gently touch them on their shoulder. This should be done face to face with great BL...

This might be a bit later... Just chilling in starbucks the weather is amazing, and there's a really cute brunette who is working for a bank having a meeting just opposite me. This place is full of cuties!!!

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Day 19

Going out with mates to the footy. Got a few things done at work then decided to head out to a footy match. It was an opportunity to be social with my existing mates.

Still, I find myself keeping to myself and quiet. I dont ever think I'll be extroverted in my group of friends, it just isn't me... Is this a bad thing?

I don't know. Overall, the match was OK, but my mate's team lost. Oh well, it was good to reconnect with old mates.

As I was driving in my car I was dropping one of my friends off who has issues with his sexuality. It's really difficult to find or say the right things to say. I find it difficult to have meaningful conversations, which is so much different from how it used to be. I used to spill my guts out to him about girls. But now I have to tip toe, around any subject. In my head I'm thinking maybe he doesn't need to know of this. Maybe, if I talk about girls and stuff it's making it awkward for him. I really genuinely don't know what to do or say. It's such a shame as well because his life is so much harder than you can imagine. He once told me, when he was being honest, what he has to go through. And it sounded like hell on earth. The thing is I didn't react to it well at all. I couldn't help looking shocked. I should have really just pretended like it was no big deal. After all he was my best friend at the time.

To think he has to live his life through society's perceptions of what is supposed to be the 'norm.' I wonder how he manages to cope...

One of the things I feel is left unsorted is this situation with my mates. One day I hope they can turn to me, and just like he tried helping me with my girl issues maybe I could help he with his. It's just you can't say or mention anything... As the cliche goes 'It's like telling an alcoholic he has a drink problem'. I really wish I knew what is the best thing to do.

I know I should just be normal around him and treat everything like it doesn't change my friendship... But everytime I've tried this, he tries to confide in me and when it seems like we're making a break through, he suddenly does a u-turn then sits there bad mouthing me... Saying stuff like, 'Oh you've never had a girlfriend so you must be gay.'

This is classic behavior when the SUPEREGO is threatened.

I try not to react, but I just look blank faced and feel so much pity for him. I'm not surprised how he reacts. I guess noone like to feel abnormal. But I can't control my facial expressions. I do genuinely feel sorry for him.

At the end of the day, I'm not qualified to council them. And I have my own issues which doesn't help either as it must be a complete 180 from the emotions they encounter.

So for the time being I have decided to NOT go out regularly with him as any advice is falling on deaf ears and is probably having the opposite effect.

It feels good to get that of my chest. This journal is like therapy LOL. I'm just throwing anything that comes into my head down without consciously thinking about it. It's kinda liberating.


Anyway, tomorrow is a fresh day. The weather is nice, and I have no work commitments. I may just decide to grab a train ticket and hit another city...

Let's see... First I'll have a good stab at some more freelance work. If I get that done we can see how it goes. If not I want to chill out maybe hit the cinema or a quiet park.

My holiday is coming up soon. It's literally next week. I'm not ripped in fact my gym physique is slightly lighter... Disappointingly, although I'm much fitter I've lost weight.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Day 20

Well, the day after tomorrow I'm off on holiday. TBH I'm not that excited about it anymore. I know it's just a wedding but really there isn't going to be much opportunity to game. It will just be my family there and the groom's family... All of which will be speaking another language... Portugese... I only know a little spanish.

In honesty, it will just be an opportunity to relax and connect with my family. There is going to be a villa there. I'd imagine we're all going to get pretty drunk.

My only objective is to try and be social... I'm not really going to do day game in a country where I can't even speak the language.

Anyway here are my objectives for today.

Objectives

-finish off a web template, get the dynamic menu working
-go into work, package three items and get the domain transfer working.
-get a hair cut and some shoes
-try and compliment two people
-find passport and pack stuff
-Trade in phone for calendar one

Long term objectives
-Start looking for other jobs
-Start putting my advert back in a supermarket for tuition
-Continue gym
-Look for ticket to France

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

So i'm writing this up from holiday. So far it's been ok. On the second day i was social and made an attempt to be social with everyone. I hate weddings. It just made me really saf when my family did the wedding dance and everyone there joined in as couples i could feel a lump in my throat thinking it sucked big time. Despite that i tried to make convo with everyone. I even suprised myself by talking a little french with a lesbian couple who happened to be there. So i can speak another language as well! Well not that great but hey... Feeling a little tipsy. The bar staff seem the hotest girls here! Although much too young.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Improvements. Well i should have carried on being social during the wedding. I couldn't even slow dance with members of my family i was that upset. I should always try to dance if that situation ever arises again. I also notice anger takes hold pretty easily for me and depresses me. It's easy for me to undo all that positive social groundwork by acting anti social during more testing situations. Coming soon some goals for the summer holiday... It's going to be a marathon pick up session

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Improvements. Well i should have carried on being social during the wedding. I couldn't even slow dance with members of my family i was that upset. I should always try to dance if that situation ever arises again. I also notice anger takes hold pretty easily for me and depresses me. It's easy for me to undo all that positive social groundwork by acting anti social during more testing situations. Coming soon some goals for the summer holiday... It's going to be a marathon pick up session

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Plans for the summer

-Proper gym training. I need to gain weight. I want to do three days weight training and two days fitness. I want to buy some proper trainers to train in.
-Eat properly... I can cook for myself now but sometimes I still let my family cook if I dont feel like cooking. I want to now cook ALL the time for myself. This is in preparation for when I eventually move out.
-Cut out the internet again. Since getting a dongle I have begun to waste time again on the internet. I want to allocate an hour a day at most.
-Marathon gaming session. Its going to be 100 days of pick-up. I am going to be tested to the limit.
-Start gaming online again. There are a few free online dating website I intend to tap into again.
-Prepare my students I am teaching properly. I was a bit disappointed with one kid Im teaching. His end of year results were below par. Im a bit worried about him actually. He reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger. I suspect he might even be getting bullied because he suddenly gets aggressive to his mother when normally he is very passive. Hmmm. I also want to prepare one girl for her GCSEs this June. I need to buy extra materials to make sure she has the best chance of achieving her grade.
-I want to start selling online goods. Theres money to be made here.
-I want to stop pussying around at work. They are taking advantage of me and I need to be clear with my terms and conditions. Selling online is hard. I want to get their website up and running and working though.
-I want plan and book my trip to France. Holidays abroad are too nice to miss out on.
-I want to apply for other jobs in the mean time.
-I want to get some more web work and students to teach.
-I want to get my first number close and date of THIS year.
-I want to reconnect with old friends.
-I want to try to control my anger and depressive moods and transmute them when they take control.
-I want to become a man.[/list]

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

So i went into town today to compliment two girls. First set spoke to her and told her i liked her glasses. I couldn't compliment the third but had a little convo with her. I notice i an more aggressive when i'm not jacking off. Ok.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

I wouldn't say I became more "aggressive" but I quickly started to be more consistent and willing to take action after stopping. Keep that up, I'm sure you'll have some amazing results when it comes to Inner Game!

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Yeah I definitely notice a difference. The most I can manage is a week LOL. But I'll try to make this more consistent. Sorry to hear about the news for your job but keep trying you're on the right track!

Day 21

I went shopping yesterday. I was trying to give two compliments and finding it easier to do. First girl was working behind
the frozen section. I noticed she had a tattoo on her wrist so I complimented her on it. She smiled and said 'thank you.'

I then segwayed onto a different topic, because I was asking to buy scallops I asked her a question about preparing them.

The interaction seemed okayish. But I was running out of things to say.

Then as I was at the checkout. There was a young guy serving me and he had a tattoo on his forearm.

I complimented him on it and we had a long convo about tattoos and whether they hurt. He was quite young and told me
he got the tattoo illegally because he wasn't the right age. Funny, I can talk for ages nonchalantly with guys and I'm
not bothered in the slightest. I wish I can get like this with women. I guess it is just practice.

Anyway, I plan to get a few things sorted for work today. Clean my room and inquire about a trip to France in town.
I'm upping the stakes slightly. This time I've got to open 'Asian/indian' girls as these type of girls get me weak at the knees.

So no compliments for now, but just a simple question. Two girls is the objective, maybe use a guy as a warm up set.

If I can't open 'Asian/indian' girls go for white/black girls.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Hey Tweeby!

Running out of things to say was an issue for me too, but I got over it. Don't hesitate to write down your interactions in here and do a section where you put what you could have said, or done... Next time you'll be out there, you'll remember it! By the way, I suck at complimenting too... but you're inspiring me to try it, thanks.

As far as masturbation is concerned, how do you feel afterwards? If you feel like shit, then I guess it's time to cut masturbation AND porn. The key to get rid of that addiction (I think we can speak about addiction) is to clearly understand what's at stake. The subject is still a bit controversial but I've found several studies that back my thoughts on this... Masturbation used to make me less social, more in my head, less likely to take actions. Desires drive us. When you're hungry, you want food so you go grab some food. Of course you can grab the coke that is easily at your reach, you know it will fill your stomach with sugar and hence calm your hunger... but this is not eating and you know it. Same for masturbation. Sexual activities are a natural desire that need to be fulfilled. Masturbating should only be used in the worse case in my opinion. You should use that desire to urge yourself to action. Nowadays, we're able to watch 1000s of naked hot ladies doing what nobody in the previous generation could have even thought about. Think about it. Cut porn, cut masturbation... Allow your brain to retrieve its normal function! Try that for a month, just one. Invest in yourself for 4 weeks and see.

I've been here for a long time Tweeby, like you. This is definitely the step that has dramatically changed my behavior towards women and the way I see myself too.

If you need some help on planning your trip to France, hit me on PM.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

To be honest I don't feel guilty. But this is just habit. I think I use masturbation as a comfort blanket and this is a bad thing. Again it is a habit that has got so bad I'd rather go home and bang one out rather than have sex with a mediocre girl I met in a club.

Daniel you have inspired me to take up the challenge to go without for a month or two. I've never done it since I was 12, so this is going to be very eye opening, but I already notice my desire and thought process is more alert and aggressive which is a good thing.

Time to change this behaviour. Women are plentiful and masturbation is unhealthy if you aren't having sex.

I might just take you up on the offer to PM you but I think I'm going to just book a ticket online and hit Paris! Actually, I'm going to do it right now!

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Just booked it now! Fucking hell. August... Paris here I come baby!

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Tweeby,

Awesome journal mate, at a minimum its a great idea to just put thoughts down, clears your head and give you a direction. Its great to see you progress is small steps.

In fact, its inspirational, im gonna follow suit with my own, i gather its best to become a PUA is a constructive way rather than go all guns ho thinking i know it all.

Cheers,

Boyo