I just got trough a rough patch with my GF, im 19 she's 18 been together 7 months,

now lately i have lied to her about something and she almost broke up with me because of it, but she says she doesn't trust me anymore and needs to work on it..

Anyway, today we were talking normally on SPAM, and we were kind of talking about sexy stuff and she said ''I first want to build some trust first and then you can have it again''

After asking what she ment she said she was witholding sex for a ''short amount of time''

Now i dont want to chase her for sex but i also do want sex lol... Im going on vacation for a week tomorrow so i wont be having sex in that time anyway..

What should i do about this or how should i respond?

do nothing. let the trust rebuild and let the banging commence

The relationship is heavily turned in her favor. You need her a lot more than she needs you. She can do ANYTHING, yet you keep giving her attention. Literally saying: "I'm not giving you sex for a while" is something she would never do unless she was 100% certain that you'd come running back whenever she feels like handing it out again. It is blatant disrespect. She is training you to act a certain way, and you flawlessly comply.

Attraction was already low, but if you willingly take this sex embargo the last attraction she felt for you will be gone.

So what should you do? You have to somehow signal to her that you have lines of other girls wanting to be with you. That you are capable of dumping her and have another girl in two days. There should be a certain pressure on pleasuring you: "if I don't pleasure him enough, he's gone to someone who will". That is exactly the mindset you want her to have.

See the difference? No attraction -> no pressure on pleasuring you. Lots of attraction -> pressure on pleasuring you.

This is not unethical or anything of the sorts. Women love this kind of sex more than anything because it makes them feel they're being taken by the best man around. It's all darwinism.

I still didn't give any concrete advice, only an outline of the disbalance in your relationship as it currently is.

So, the concrete advice: stop talking to her for 3 days. Send maybe 1 message during your whole vacation, only if she first sent you 5. Otherwise ignore. Let her know you're having an awesome time, but not in a flashy kind of way.

When you get back, bare minimum of texts. Let her contact you. For the first time in the whole relationship (probably) she will wonder: "what's he doing, isn't he interested in me anymore?") Maybe make it three days after your vacation before you first see her.

In the meantime: work out like crazy, take runs, etc. Evaluate your life, what are you doing? (study, work, etc) How can you improve? Convince yourself you're a beast and you can achieve ANYTHING you want. That includes getting the hottest girls. You are not confined to this girl.

That mindset will save this situation.

EDIT: I skimmed over the fact that you lied to her about something. Can you specify?

Hey, first of all thanks a lot for the help! And yes i can specify

We were at some party and i got way too drunk and started a fight with her about nothing and i got agressive and hit a wall or something and walked away from the party and she and her friend chased me and (she told me this, i cant remember it at all) she said that i screamed: If you do not go away from me ill beat you up (to her friend)

Anyway it was real bad from me to behave like that but i was way too drunk i would never hit her i only hit walls or something when im drunk.. anyway we talked a lot about it and she almost broke up with me but she forgave me, i told her i would stop drinking for a while because of this so that it won't happen again

Then a couple weeks later there was this awesome party i was going to with my friends, my GF asked if i was gonna drink and i said ''no'' she said ''Its okay if you drink a bit, just dont lie about it'' and i still said i woulndnt drink

But the truth is that i did drink and i lied to her about it and she found out, she broke up with me but we had a talk about it and she was willing to try it again. But she said the trust was gone....

And then yesterday she said it about the sex thing

Sorry maybe i should have just put this in the first post it was stupid of me to have left it out i realise now ..

Your situation is a hard one. You couldn't control your emotions. You got drunk and threatened to hit her friend. This signals frustration which implies weakness.

I believe your actions are not worthy of praise. But worst of all, you conceded to her frame by apologizing, which shifted all the power in the relationship to her.

She framed it as if she was 'nice enough' to take you back. Then you made it a LOT harder for yourself by doing it again, because you just set a precedent. So AGAIN you apologize, and the relationship is now completely lopsided.

This situation is very hard to save, and it is due to your immature actions, and handling of the situation.

I am not judging anything you've done, and I'm not saying you should NOT have apologized for hitting her friend. I'm only noticing that by 'letting her take you back', you've placed her above you, thus killing all attraction.

My advice would be to take a break. Work on yourself, date other girls. LEARN from the mistakes you've made.

Well i really want to continue seeing this girl and for the record; i did not hit her friend i just said i would, but i didn't.

I want to get back in control in the relationship but to be honest i should be happy that she took me back..

The last thing i want is to take a break and date other girls

So spot on. It's all about your frame. Sadly once you lost that it's hard to recover. You sound like you are backsliding into beta territory. You'll be jumping through hoops and buying her present for sex soon. Then she will loose all respect for you and either cheat or leave you. Just saying...

How you start a relationship is everything

My previous relationship was very sexually charged. 1 year, sex every single time we met, usually multiple times, being woken up to blow jobs, she would endlessly service me when she was on period. She would frequently dress up in lingerie, turn up to my house in just a long jacket and boots without any other clothes on, blow me in a restaurant or whilst driving my car. This girl wanted to please me at all times. I recently asked her about her high sex drive and she told me that it was naturally high but with me it had gone to another level. Her best friend used to say she would climb over her dead body to have sex with me.

When I met this girl I was certainly no sex god. So how did this happen? Looking back it was all in the frame I established when we met. Here are the details.

I turned down sex with her the night I met her explaining that I had just said goodbye to my last girl 48 hours earlier (DHV and gender role reversal). Two weeks later I was dating another girl and I didn't hide this, although I didn't brag, it just came out in conversation "What did you do earlier this evening?" - "I went for a drink with this crazy girl I met on the train the other day". It's not possible to fake this, but once you have an option other options always seem to appear.

So this girl now sees competition from other girls and getting sex from me is hard. From her point of view I couldn't be more of a challenge. So she gets competitive and says that an old fuck buddy is in town. I don't show any insecurity. In fact I talk to her about him, found out how they became fuck buddies, why it didn't go further, what made the sex good. Just a genuine interest. Again this threw her. What's up with this guy, why is he not jealous?

She went for a drink with said fuck buddy but didn't feel anything anymore (funny that!). He phoned when I was at her place. It felt pretty good to hear her tell him she didn't want to 'hang out at his place' that night and then get on her knees and blow me. That's another emotional pang for her "I just sacked off a guaranteed fuck to be with this guy who still isn't having sex with me".

When I decided I did want to have sex with her it was great because of the anticipation I had built. Every time she sees me she has sex and every time she has sex with me she has multiple orgasms. So I become associated with her having an orgasm.

Because she enjoys it so much she won't withhold or use it as a form of exchange. And if she ever did, I'd call her on it "Sex isn't a weapon missy" and then bend her over my knee and spank her ass and / or dominant sex. If you let it happen just once then that's it.

I also show my opinion early on through indirect stories "I was out with my mate the other night and his girlfriend keeps on threatening to not have sex 'I know someone who's not going to get any sex tonight'. Apart from being embarrassing for everyone else I just hate that attitude. It's not someone the girl controls. It's a mutual experience, right?". You've made your point and stance very clear without directly saying it to your girlfriend.

I remember once going for a SNL but after building huge attraction and lots of comfort I couldn't get her to come home with me; she froze at the cloakroom "But I only just met you tonight". My reply "Look sex is a mutual experience. I don't enjoy bad sex and it won't be good unless both of us really want it. So I won't pressure you. Please listen and follow your heart". Later on she told me this was one of the most amazing things a man has said to her. Again sex was never an issue with her.

A comparison from my younger years. I was horny as hell and just wanted to get laid. I remember my gf saying I was pestering her for sex. She held all the cards and dished it out when she wanted. I was like an obedient horny boy waiting for my next treat. The thing is most girls are submissive and so being in control will reduce their attraction. They want to be taken. Sex was always a problem in that relationship.

Lessons for the future

You've been given advise about what you can do in this relationship. Here are some notes for your next:

1. Pick a girl with a high sex drive. It will only diminish over time so start with the highest you can find.
2. Never plead for sex. You are in control. Make it known that she can't use sex as a weapon. Show her this through a story (as above), direct communication, or dominance. If she holds off you loose interest and walk away. Sex is your gift to her.
3. Establish a frame of having options at the very beginning. Always be cutting off other options when you enter a relationship. That will stick in her mind forever.
4. Make sure you can pleasure a girl you enter a LTR with. Sometimes this is not down to you and your skills. You will come across girls who are not yet comfortable with their sexuality and who cannot have an orgasm with anyone. Usually girls who are older are easier to please. If you can't please her early on walk away.
5. Always be dominant in the bedroom - "Own the pussy".

Thanks and repped above post!

These are her exact words:

''Well i don't trust you enough yet because of what happened and then i don't wanna have sex with you if i dont trust you''

Any suggestions what to do? Normally i can look this up on the forum or something but i am really in a loss here

What is "repped"? GreenGranted gave you some clear advice. Soft next her, improve your body, and go and have fun on holiday. Forget about this girl for a while. I'm sure you've gone a few weeks without sex before. You can do it again. Time apart is always great to reflect anyway. However don't cheat. Cheating is for losers game. If you want sex and can't stay faithful break it off before going away (it doesn't seem to be the case).

Thanks intrigued, what a great post. One last thing I would like to add:
This is the mentality that needs to be crushed. Your girlfriend doesn't give you sex and you are too infatuated to walk away. You're no challenge to her. Remember she needs to work hard to please you.

I would date other girls if I was you, get a fresh start. Fixing this relationship is way too cumbersome.

Good luck!

exactly what greengranted just said, i speak from experience when i say if you think like that you WILL lose her, you will develop a clingy always needing to talk to her attitude which is a relationship killer

Hi.

This is a great thread. I wonder i anyone can give me advice on my similar situation please? I was looking for this sort of information a while ago before I split with my ex.

We always had lots of sex for the first year, once or twice a day. If we didnt have it, she would just say to me "we'll have sex in the morning" (with no prompting). Suddenly, I failed a few shit tests after a year (at the time I didn't know what shit test were) and her sex drive wained. Then she said "you always want sex, I wish we could just chill out some times (she turned on the waterworks)", I said (like a beta male), "I didn't know you felt like that, sex should be a compromise". She said "so you're not going to leave me for someone younger". I said "no, of course not". She looked at me lovingly and said "what have I done to deserve you?" (I immediately thought that perhaps that isn't the way her previous boyfriends had dealt with the issue).

So after that, the sex virtually stopped altogether. I know if I was in the right frame of mind I could have answered her better. I know its not always about what you say, it's how you act & it's probably what happened on the months up to this (on looking back I know I passed shit test automatically at the start of the relationship because I was 'in frame').

But it was such a pivotal question that she asked ie. if I don't give me sex are you going to get it from somewhere else. How should I have answered this in an alpha way?

Thanks in advance

Ps: she is now shagging someone else.