I was never super-active, but I respect every member of the community very much; you've all been here for me. I feel like it's unfair to ask anything of you after being gone for so long, but I don't have many people I can talk to about these things on a (semi)intelligent level.

Long-ass story short, I moved from IL back to my home state to be with a girl (mistake #1) I had wanted for a long time. We had always kept in contact but I could never pursue because of her marriage and two kids. This is mistake #2, choosing someone with baggage.

Everything went well for a while, but people on her side of things started drama. Her husband acted cool to my face then did a 180 and started freaking out about me being around his kids. There was an overwhelming amount of stress and emotion, him and I have had many words, and after living with her and her son for a few months, I bailed because of the stress. I'm ashamed of that...but I paid for it, because two days after I left, my car's engine tore up.

Fast forward a little over a year; she has since bounced back and forth between him and I more than once...and two things come into play with that: one, her kids (and the hope of having them again someday), and the fact that I was a shitty boyfriend many times; I would even say I was emotionally abusive (never physical!) at times. Because of that last one, I have forgiven all the times she has lied to my face (she has massive fear/confrontation/anxiety issues and lies frequently).

She left my place, moved into her brother's house, then her husband moved in too; we were supposedly over, but started up again behind his back ( cuckold him!) She was going to come back, and started to tell him, but he is an angry drunk and scared her, so she ODs on Aspirin. He tried to fight me at the hospital and I respectfully declined. She also told me she had slept with him twice since she left, even though she had lied to me about it previously. She has since decided that she is leaving the hospital with me, and I've told her that she must end contact with him if we're to be together.

*whew* Sorry. Here's what I'm thinking now:

Should I sit down and have a stern conversation with her about not having contact with him, or should I just be alpha and not worry about it? I think that a true alpha would remain confident and not give it another thought. I also feel like as long as I remain a good boyfriend and don't revert to old ways, I shouldn't have anything to worry about. She even told me once that after seeing me for the first time, he said to her, "I don't have a chance, do I?"

Secondly, she wants to eventually try to get her son back, and I feel as though that will solidify her husband's place in our lives, which is not an option to me (unless I'm just being a bitch about that issue and need to chill the fuck out).

So, guys? Tell me what you think. Thanks in advance!

_________________
This isn't just about picking up girls; it's about building a life!

- She cheats on you (is there ever an excuse?)
- She lies to you (is there ever an excuse?)
- She isn't faithfull to you (is there ever an excuse?)
- She disrespects you majorly by doing this. (is there ever an excuse?)

You are WAY more invested in the relationship then she is. (Emotionally, getting involved in things that are not your problem.)
not worrying about it and ignoring is, isn't alpha at all. Taking matters in your own hands and making sure YOU feel good, that's the alpha thing to do. And the only solution to this, is ending this relationship, and find a better girl. (Don't have the fear of not finding one, you will, you ALWAYS will!)

Good luck!

I see what you're saying; the realization of how shitty she's been has hit me several times over the week. However, the same realizations have occurred about myself. For instance, the first foul was when I pretty much abandoned her and her son, even though I was the only income and only transportation they had. Eli and I were extremely close, too. I had committed to this thing, and I bailed; and honestly, it wasn't just the pressure, it was also the fear of being tied down forever. But now I understand what I gave up...and I want it back.

I feel like everything she did after that should be forgiven. Before SHTF, it was the happiest time of my life.

Anyways...breaking it off aside, how should I handle this issue?

_________________
This isn't just about picking up girls; it's about building a life!

P1nkstar is right man, you just have to move on. The most important thing in a relationship is trust, and let's be honest you can never trust this girl again after all the hurt shes put you through. You can't beat yourself up over the past and give her a hall pass for all the times she messes up after you left. This relationship sounds super unhealthy, there are plenty of other girls out there. I've been in your situation where I've tried anything to make it work but it just doesn't. Good luck