| i didnt know where to place this, either the lay report section, or the field report. but for right now its here until someone says, "PUT IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!"
i woke up this morning tossing and turning. my girlfriend woke me up and then she promptly fell back asleep. i get up, took a shower, got ready for work, and walked to the bus stop. now usually i have my bus schedules down to the minute but the damned bus wasnt comming. so while im waiting there this thing, i'll call it a her (it was either a manly woman, or a girly man). she was at best a HB3. AT BEST! but she's on her cell phone talking to whoever and stopped at my bus stop. i think, "ok, there is no way in jerrico's hell im gunna talk to you, cuz i dont want to." but 5 mins later....
her:*still on a cell phone* "hey, you."
me: me?
her: yeah you, come over here.
me: *in my head* oh boy...
her: *She couldnt keep eye contact, nor did it look like she wanted to. she was nervous and a few other things. "umm... i just..oh lord have mercy... i just wanted to say...you...are...gifted."
ok so let me give u a small background info here. the running joke since i was in 7th grade was that my nickname is JLo, due to football pads making my ass look bigger then it should have. THATS the joke.
me: *laughs* yeah no they have been telling me that for years, but i never believed them. (refering to my ass in my head)
her: oh yea... you got some hispanic in you huh?
me: *smiles* yeah i do, so i guess that explains the size.
her: *she just smiles* where's your girlfriend?
me: oh she's in bed. it was a rough night last night. (the night before her cat past away and we drank all bloody night.)
her: i bet. you off to work? you look dashing.
me: yeah i was headed off to work but i think im just gunna call in sick, cuz this bus aint comming.
her: well if it were up to me, i'd make you come. (she had a devious smile. it was THEN my brain started to connect the dots) how many girlfriends have you had?
me: too many to count.
her: if you had to guess how many?
me: roughly? *i looked up and away but i could feel her eyes glued to me.* about 45. those are the ones i can remember.
her: they coke on it all the time huh?
me: (remember my brain is trying to connect the dots. and its fucking slow.) im sorry what?
her: *still with her devious smile* they choke on it huh?
me: (in my head in still thinking, "girls dont eat ass, you cant choke on that. you must be talking about-oh. god im stupid) *chuckles* well none of them has given me a good licking yet. im almost convinced you girls have lost your touch.
her: *she starts getting closer* I can clean that pole for you straight up.
me: i havent met a girl yet to satisfy me in that department.
her: oh? im gong to have to fix that.
she then pulls me behind the bushes and well.... i'll just say it was fucking good.
afterwards i walked back home, took another shower and climbed into bed with my girl.
its 11:50 am in cali, and this happened at 10:30. i think im calling in sick today.
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