Hey Lode, appreciating the effort you put in here for helping guys out, now to the point:

This will be a long ass text, but it's worth it to get the picture.

I am 24 she's 18, been in a LTR with her for 4 months, finally broke up with her half a year ago; broke up with her 3 times before the final break up for acting like a bitch, for things like:

- Not being eager to meet up, at all, even when she's free (like, it's too cold outside)
- Awkward relationship with her best male friend, like talking for hours on phone at night with him - (i miss you so much texts from both) - fighting with each other etc. It felt like utter disrespect towards me (her bf) more than it was me being jealous.
- not eager to talk about her personal life.
- Super childish behavior when it comes to being sexual, she literally avoids it.
- were in a drama fight once, i shut her up by kissing her, 10 seconds in, she pushes me away yelling " NO NO i don't want to be with you"

Was fine the first month, yet i went into an insane freak mode, i become chode then i become back to normal again, on and off from the crazy whirlwind of emotions going into the relationship, i called her out on her shit many, many times, each one of these 3 break ups, she was the one who came back, with weird ass excuses, first excuse was that she did not trust me enough, second excuse was that she does not feel like i care enough and yet too clingy (contradiction much?), and the royal third excuse was that her Doc diagnosed her with a breast tumor, she was afraid i get attached to her emotionally and she dies.

Oh yeah, i remember the first time she confessed of her "love" was when she came back from the second break up, 4 hours on phone on just stupid talk about wanting me to change and she wants to change, then in the end we reached an agreement of her "telling me honestly how she feels, but i have to carry out something she asks for after that without hesitation (i thought, maybe she does not want me to talk to some girl she's jealous of, so it's alright.)

Then Boom: She tells me how much she loves me... 15 min in, she says: but now the thing i have asked for, i was like sure, shoot.

" After this phone call, we don't know each other, you won't understand but i just can't. "

of course in my head i was like WHAT THE FUCK?

I told her i am disappointed, you were a girl i actually loved, but this kind of behavior ? no, i don't want this, bye.

And of course i took her back 2 days later of her crying.

(Funny how this is actually a PUA technique by RAD, telling the girl that u love her then telling her that you just can't be with her and let her chase you after, man that does serious brain damage for sure, because it sure did something to me)


Man i went through some crazy times being with her, i developed a hardcore case of oneitis, however, i did my best to hide it consciously, i literally dropped a few tears from the extreme tension that happened after the last breakup, yet i hid it, and i did very well.

--------------------------

Now i just reached a point where i lost hope in females, i really no longer care if i lose a girlfriend, i am short tempered, if i see one red flag, i instantly call it out and walk away, now i am with a girl who's more loyal than it can ever get, i told her it's a open relationship, yet she never even talks with any male in her life, she just says i am her man; this relationship's fine.

But here is the thing, a few days ago, that ex calls me again, after half a year, and tells me she had a dream about me and she misses me, she called me today when i was cooking my beloved SPAM, and just talks to me as if nothing ever happened, asks me how am i, what i am doing, then moments of silence, where she's expecting me to initiate a convo, 2 minutes silence she says "I dyed my hair", my replies are just cold, i am not really faking it, i am just plainly disgusted by her previous behaviors yet curious of what is she up to now.

That's basically it, i would like to know your opinion on this, this will surely be a fountain of knowledge if looked at right.

Thanks for reading, looking forward for your reply, cheers.

was bussy this week so sorry for the late replies..

gtdave

Are you ready for a ''serious'' relationship ... sounds like you never have fully recovered from past experiences. I've been doing what you are doing for a long long time - i would always say i wouldn't give a shit or that i can easily get other woman - but when i encountered something that triggered past memories and emotions i used to freak out.

Right now i can leave any woman without hesitating - of course it doesn't feel good for a amount of time but that's natural. You are getting together with someone who you really like and it's very easy to fool yourself that it's not ok because you value the relationship to much. If you go deeper you will notice that you value your idea of what that relationship is like or what she is like '' it are projections''... and if that projection gets disorted by someone or something you click back to past experiences where girls cheated on you.

triggers shouldn't bring back assocations with previous negative experiences, that's something you have obviously to work at. Those woman that cheated on you didn't enjoying doing it even tho it seems like it - they are just ignorant and they don't realize what pain it caused to you....they already fucked you over and don't volunteer to be their hostage, they would probably be happier if they know you would have moved on. Any bad experience can damage you emotionally and that's ok, once you analyzed all bad experiences and emotions ( and experience them of course ) it should go away over time... making peace with yourself and accepting previous experiences.

all previous experiences can make you more cautious but every cautious move or impulsive action on your part is not really cool - you project that shit onto your new girlfriend and that's kind of shitty. On the other hand it's completely ok that you have informed her ''why '', it's ok to be vulnerable - it can kill attraction or interest by being insecure - but you already knew this otherwise you wouldn't be posting and calling it a ''mistake ''....

expressing emotions is a good thing and it's important in relationships and dating, in relationships i do it all the time and in dating i do it all the time - however i do it from a place of power... i do it with a purpose, to connect to the woman and the universe ( it's just like looking to a piece of art and admitting it looks pretty ). it was a good move on your part, never allow yourself to not express yourself. neediness, seeking approval are different emotions that can be expressed, those are merely false emotions which you express to manipulate a person or situation... but when your emotions are pure and sincere regardless if they are present or previous emotions you are doing good by expressing them.

it's ok to make a mistake... it's ok, you have told her whatsup and now it;s your responsiblity to fix your own baggage.

she is not as special as you think .. if you would be together with another woman instead of this one you would repeat this whole ''getting her back thing'' if the same scenario happens.. it's just a illusion.

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by not being needy or clingy .. by not trying to get her back because trying to get her back is destroying her interest. The truth and reality is that she will be super duper attracted if you hookup with another girl, truth is that she will be attracted if you leave her for someone else right now.. you don't have to be a careless jerk , you have to stop chasing her because obviously it isn't working - you hand her the option to say yes or no... you are SPAM control.

you have to realize what is working and what isn't, chasing isn't working - give her the cucumber and leave... date other woman for a few weeks to hone your dating and social skills , to do some inner game etc. The more you chase her the more your one-itis will grow...focus on her negative traits , stuff you really don't like about her.. now date other woman - doesn't matter how, it could be a simple as talking to a few woman at the mall. if you have a life purpose you can totally focus on that for a while. once you have one-itis you keep focussing on good qualities that are ( or aren't there ), but because of the one-itis ( you value her too much ) you cannot see the negative traits.

now from a woman perspective , when a woman says that you are'' clingy and needy '' it doesn't mean you are.... it just means she is losing attraction. it could be you love her too much and she doesn't love herself as much as you do , a woman only allow you to love her as much as she loves herself... otherwise she probably tell you you are too clingy and whatever have you. so what can you do to spark attraction ? by not chasing her...by forgetting her, by chasing other values and goals. it's like quicksand... once you get in you want to get out - it's retarded to get deeper and drown yourself.

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+ 10 lol

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sovetcke

1. delusional disorder
2. schizoid personality disorder ( google this you will find this interesting ), there is nothing wrong with a schizoid personality ( just an archetype) - it becomes kind of weird when it turns into a disorder with slight schizoprhenia slight aspects - like sudden switches in mood and opinion.
3. some other borderline disorder.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_p ... y_disorder

tell me if you see something that is relevant... i see some patterns , having excuses to prefer isolation, the breast cancer excuse which i believe she really believed herself... she is being terribly delusional like nothing is wrong when she called...

the '' i dyed my hair'' was just something she did for you to grab your attention, if you would have meet up with her that day you would probably fuck her... when a woman says '' i got a new look '' or '' i dyed my hair '''it means they have done it for you... which is kind of weird - calling someone just out of the blue and saying shit like that.

she sounds like she is beyond repair- totally FUBAR.

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- Emotional coldness, detachment or reduced affect : never felt anything from her side, was surprised how she said she loved me(I had to milk those words out, she had super hard time actually saying them) yet interacting with me just as any person in her life, heck, if not worse.
- Very few, if any, close friends or relationships, and a lack of desire for such : She never really liked anyone much.
- Indifference to either praise or criticism : totally, i gave up on giving her compliments or calling her out on her shit, she just did not care.
- Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities : She did nothing for fun, literally, nothing.
- Lack of desire for sexual experiences with another person : right in the spot, i have tried a lot of different approaches towards getting sexual yet she just showed even more coldness.

I see that it's about 90% relevant, yet i am still puzzled with her insanely close relationship with her "Best male friend", long night calls, frequent dramatic fights, lots of texting, and lots of meeting up.

Also judging from what i observed from that guys personality, he seemed to share similar character traits with her, mood swinging, being over controlling/jealous, then back to being aloof, etc.

Now from a point where she did not want to introduce me, neither mention me to him where her reasons were random each time, first she needed some time before she would tell him about me being her boyfriend, so he won't scold her, then another reason was that he's someone who takes care of her, and he told her many times to not go into a relationship in a small amount of time, she was basically afraid of him knowing, now near the end of the relationship she told me she informed that guy that she's in a relationship, which i am 99% sure that it was a lie.

(I have a past where i got cheated on by my girl's best friend (Married guy), and later i found out that he never heard of me, so i did not let this easily pass by like it did before, had to confront her about it.)

I can only assume that she IS in an intimate relationship with that guy for years already, but her schizoid tendencies for wanting to feel "free" of any kind of commitments or forced intimacy created a delusion in her mind that he's "Just a friend" specially that he does not really show her frequent attention.

FUBAR, can't agree more.

P.S: Now i am curious of why i am usually attracted to girls with similar personalities, i can see a pattern; might be pure bad luck, but i think it's something else.

I mean the girl i am with now is basically the queen of Good Girls, yet i am not "That" attracted to her as i used to be attracted to previous ex's.

Thoughts ?

Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 7 months now and we started fighting at about 3 months ,we are both still in school in grade 10 and all our fighting is effecting my grades. Throughout our relationship I have been jealous because I am afraid to lose her and she keeps on looking at other guys who are better looking than I am (I am very fat) but I'm trying to lose weight its a little hard because I am playing rugby but I eat a lot so I don't actually lose a lot of weight. Anyway she starts most of our fights but when I point that out she freaks out and we fight more. We both really want to save our relationship but we don't actually try. We don't know why we started fighting or she says she doesn't know why we're fighting. A few days ago she told me that I'm not the guy she fell in love with because I don't show my sensitive side. About a week ago I showed my sensitive side but my father told me to stop being such a gay ,it's been like that my whole life but that actually hurt me because my family doesn't care how I feel or why I'm crying anyway I was crying because we were fighting again and I couldn't take it anymore. She has recently got an invite on her bbm and they chatted a lot last month he told her he likes her and that she should leave me for him she didn't but when I told her I don't like him she said she deleted him but actually just changed his name so I wouldn't find him ,I found out that she didn't delete him and now it feels like she has a secret relationship with him she swore she doesn't and she deleted him for real the next day he was on again and I just left it there I didn't confront her about it. What should I do? She can't go on like this and neither can I but I can't talk to anyone about it because then I'm "gay". What can I do to save our relationship please help I'm too scared to say anything because if I say something wrong we fight and she wants to leave me. She wants me to show my sensitive side more but like I said I can't do it in front of my family please help me

Holy shit this sounds like my ex so much! She is the freak type and everything you guys said about it is true. It must be some disorder of some kind.

My ex also had this one guy friend who she was REALLY good friends with, they always talked on twitter and cammed with each other while she was with me. I never confronted her about it because it would sound insecure but damn dude its exactly like you describe!

They always talked to each other like they were together and i mean my ex had very few friends because of her character but this one guy was always the one she talked with! I truly believe he is her ex and really played it well while with her!

Best of luck to you!

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Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.

yeah it's anoying as hell.... but you should also laugh about it - because that guy thinks she will let him sleep with her.... lol....

just avoid those kind of woman... i have known woman who had a ''perfect family'' - great parents, enough money etc - but those woman who were terribly borderline. sometimes it's just psychological they come out of a terrible family with lots of conflicts but alot of woman don't come from those types of background.

they look nice and everything seems ok - but they are screwed up and it's very hard to see untill you experienced a FUBAR relationship with such woman. the cause ? i don't know.. maybe it's a allergy that make them behave like this or some other biological problem. Most guys qualify and screen their woman by asking them about their family - you can get alot out of these questions but sometimes it doesn't mean anything ( keep that in mind ).

-what i've seen is that most of those woman are not very outgoing in a authentic way.. they come across normal but when things get too close or too emotional they shut down.
-they always seem to hide something
-they have alot of male friends or don't have many friends
-they obsess about private things like their dog or they hang too much on social media like twitter and facebook ( without having much relationships in real life) .
-they have some orbiter chode, ex, or just a guy which they are very close to - almost like it's a relationship but they don't really have one.
-they are always taking a victim role when things come too close or when they get too intimate
-they suck attention and energy out of you and when you need /want some, they bolt, probably starting fake fights in the process.
-they defends themselfs and start fake fights when you question their love or commitment.
-they shit test ALOT... and they try to control you with sex, when you first meet them they are submissive as fuck they do anything.. but after a while they stop doing that and try to take control ( happens in most relationships lol ).
-they never had any long term relationship - only flings and short term crap and when you ask them they always seem to emphasize they had at least one long relationship... like they need to convince you they are relationship material.
-They stop answering your questions ( qualifying and screening ) , or they completely don't text you back at all multiple times when you are asking things in a non-needy way.
-conflict in behaviour... day one they are insanely attracted to you.. day 2 and 3 they are non responsive in any way and later they start being attracted again.
-Open and emotional too quick when you start venting emotions...like they keep distance but they are suddenly very open about negative stuff in their lives. People who keep distance but vent about al their negative shit are married to their problems and not to you... this is another conflict in behaviour - they can be authentic about some emotions but block any other emotion.
- they don't have passions or long term future outlooks in their lifes
- they don't have much to do but emphasize they are bussy all the time... especially if they mension they have no time for relationship but keep coming to you.
- they pull things out of context and magnify problems or ideas ... they also like to lie about certain things because they created an identity meaning out of it.
- avoiding eye contact or abnormal body language... like being attracted to you but avoiding eye contact... they are just avoiding intimacy and the surge of hormones.
- wears alot of make up ( too much) , looks overly hot... most of these woman are insecure.. reason why guys hook up with them is because those woman are overcompensating for their lack or personality... just ask them about their self image, they probably have a negative one.

i find these most dominant in these types of woman, all other ones are just hard to analyze for example alot of people are insecure about their looks - such thing doesn't directly mean they have issues or low self esteem. some woman will avoid eye contact on the first date when they are intimidated by you, but when they keep repeating the body language something else is going on.

sovetcke[/b if you want to get something out of it you have to be vey specific - like things you sensed that were off the hook but you couldn't figure it out. things you didn't like about her or things that made you angry without fully understanding the situation .

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SonyDix

it's not going to work...you sound like a victim of culture and conditioning and if you cannot get your shit together you are better off without a relationship ( right now ). this has nothing to do with her - woman are just searching for comfort and stability - they want a guy who is able to deal with emotions in a expressive, accepting and indifferent way. develop your'''GAY'' side.. i am not telling you to fuck a guy lol... im telling you to develop your feminin side. do stuff that you normally don't do - develop your spiritual side and intuition...

you are raised to block or neglect you emotions - i had the same issue growing up , and from experience im going to tell you right now you are not able to have any meaningfull relationship with intimacy if you don't work at your issues.
People who are afraid of '' gay stuff '' are just ignoring their feminin energy because they don't developed and intergrated that into their being.

if you do not develop you feminin side you are unable to intuitively read female energy , you are unable to fully communicate emotions to woman. you cannot give something you do not have , you cannot understand something you aren't untill you choose to accept it without identifying with it. Today woman become more manly and men more feminin and this is ok, i think this is a process that lead humans to be more intergrated being accepting both their masculine and feminin sides. People are raised through culture to be manly etc ( pre conceived ideas ).. to hate gay people and whatever - but there is a change going on where people are experiencing the flip sides of their gender and breaking through culture and conditioning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vc-oWMMF8Co
http://www.malespirituality.org/masculi ... uality.htm

intergrating your being should be done for you and not for other people or your girlfriend... solving issues is for you.

there is nothing to do to save your relationship really, your issues and yours and her issues are hers - do not try to fix her issues and to fix you relationship. you can only change yourself but it's a long process and not a overnight thing. when it comes to losing weight you should eat differently.... i think david wolfe is the right stuff for you

http://www.amazon.com/Eating-Beauty-Dav ... 310&sr=8-1

i think you will like this alot...

you are just on path which most people go through - it's your path and not mind so im not going say things to change yourself - it a case of accepting yourself and intergrating it into your being. Good luck to you , i already sense you will do very well long term - so when things look hard - just go on.

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Hey Lode, maybe you can give me some advice.

I've been hanging out with this girl for about 6 weeks now. I'm 32 and she's 28 and we both got out of LTR's, she was in one for 9 years and got out 1 year ago, I was in one for 5 and got out awhile back.

We have both talked about our desire to be long term together and things were going well, but something's not quite right. She keeps telling me she wants this, but I feel like her actions say otherwise; like she has this timeline that she has given herself of 1 year from her breakup before she will let herself start dating (she feels like she broke this for me as there is still a few weeks to go, but still sticks to it with others.) I broached the question this weekend and she said she wants two years of being bad (which she clarified as not being sexual.), but basically she said no, not right now.

She's an attractive girl, but I think she's very insecure. She used to be overweight and is ashamed of it. Now she's a gym freak and nutrition concious.

I guess I'm not sure whether to pursue or play hard to get. Compliment more? Call more? I'm dating other people and have been upfront about that, so I guess that has worked in my favor, but at the same time I want her to know that I want to be with her.

One thing I think I have done wrong - she is very spontaneous and doesn't make many plans and I am to, but this has led to probably too many same day dates. Also, she has told her mom all about me and I've met her as well and her mom loves me - this in itself seems like a bad sign as girls never seem to want the guy their moms like.

There is definitely a lot more info that would be relevant, but I don't want to write too much. I just need help formulating a game plan to move this into a LTR, if possible.

Thanks.

Jesus christ Lode,

You just described her in every point.

And to answer your question, everything made me angry, i never got anything from her, there were soooo many things going wrong that keeping up with things to not let it go off the hook will be a full time job.

I have to agree! Spot on Lodewijk! My ex has 99% of the things you have listed. I will screen better next time and break-up as soon as i see red flags to prevent getting emotionally raped again! 2 months after breakup i still think about this crazy freak and her drama stories etc.

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Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.

djambush is her mom hot ? .. lol

well if she broke her own rule for you then you are probably worth it. She doesn''t sound like a girl who just plays games like most woman ( from the little info you gave me ). she introduced you to her mom, she moved things forward herself you didn't force her to show you her mom...normally i would never say call more or invest more because it often goes to ''being too available'' or ''too attached to the results'' ( because you invest time and energy).

there just comes a point where you hit a certain age and where you want long term relationships - if this is the case then some pickup rules just do not apply. you should keep her in your life but you should not push her into anything.
you should invest more without expecting anything back, without expecting a LTR. Psychology is sometimes really extravagant, sometimes people are afraid of getting into a relationships, so what they do is progessing things very fast so they can pull back with a legit reason ( unconcious self sabotage) . People create a scenario so they can pull back out of the relationship...if you fear something you probably manifest it.

If a woman wants to introduce you to her family just reject the whole idea, do not meet her parents in just a few weeks - do that stuff after a few months. Don't let a woman speed up the relationship... just think about it , why do you want me to meet your parents ? whats in it for you ? so when a woman is taking things too fast just say NO....it's just another form of taking control. IF you want a LTR then patience is the key.

connect with her.. flip around the script... when you meet her just tell her things gone ( progressed ) too fast , you met her family way too soon. Woman want to be understood on a emotional level and they want to feel comfortable and secure so by conveying her own thoughts to her alot of pressure will fall off her shoulders. if you want a LTR but she is pulling back then she will notice it on a subtle level and she would feel '''pushed'' like you expect something back. Also tell her you like her as a person, most woman feel rejected when you tell them you want to take things slow.

aside from that just keep flirting and being playfull...do some exciting dates - do something different and creative that creates a emotional connection ( not watching movies or other regular shit ) ... rollercoasters , strip clubs, mountain climbing... do something insane.

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Dating a woman (40) for 4 months now, things are going well and we are comfortable with each other being ourselves. The issues I am having is that she never pays or offers to pay for dinners out, although she cooks for me at her home. She also never even said thank you for dinner the last two times we were out for dinner. She also never initiates kissing/sex and doesn't like PDA yet responds to my advances in private well. She is kind of old fashioned, and she said she was hurt in a prior relationship a year ago, so maybe I should be more patient? Maybe I am over-analysing, but we get along really great and share a lot of interests, and I know there is good long term potential. If that weren't true, I'd been outta there a long time ago. Your thoughts?