Very good advice in this post. Every girl comes back in one way or another, at least that's been my experience. You just have to give it time, DO NOT contact them, and go on living an amazing life. Fill your life with attractive women, and the girl that you dumped, or that left you (two completely different frames btw) will eventually stalk on your shit, either on her own, or vicariously through mutual friends.

I just put up a post about how my ex and I haven't spoke in months, then last week she was stalking all my social stuff and calling my friends, yet today she was at the pool making out with her new bf in front of me. After reading this post, it's all pretty clear what she's trying to do, and that is to be "the one that got away."

It's tough, because we had almost a decade together, but I feel that the right thing to do here is seriously not give a shit and keep moving on with my life. I'm glad I saw her at the pool today too, because I seriously got a head check as to how attractive she "really" is after seeing some cottage cheese on her ass.

Not sure how I move forward from this though, we all live in the same damn building, and I own my home here. They rent.

I think we all know the "right" or "alpha" thing to do. Unlucky for me is my mother raised me to be a romantic. A stereo in the rain, notebook, days of our lives kinda guy where you treat women as if they are rare diamonds. Damn my mother

Im still at a stale mate right now. Going to the gym, playin ball, dating other girls. She will break, Im sure of it. If she doesnt, oh well.

I think the key is here, if your going to take control of the frame, is to really just ignore her til she breaks. Dont respond to "Hey", or "Whats up". Eventually it will turn into, "Whats wrong with you" or "Why are you being an ass?", or "Fine I'll just leave you alone, im sorry". From there it moves to baiting you with sex with "I miss your dick" or something and this is where she always gets me. I cave and say "Boat Docks, 11pm, wear something sex" and think its just gonna be casual sex with a familiar partner but it isnt. It will be casual sex 2-3 days a week for a month and then a relationship again.

What your really wanting here, (Besides 100% moving on, which is best really) is the break down text. The text where she succumbs to you and your greatness. The text/call/voice mail where she spills her guts. At this point you have her. You can bend her, break her, crush her, mold her to learn that SHE has fucked up and change the frame of your relationship with your new found knowledge.

Whatever you do, dont do the same shit you did that got you into this mess in the first place.

Im interested to hear from other guys and how this goes for them. Some girls cave quicker than others. The process of ignoring could take 2 weeks to 6 months but it will happen. The key is dont wait around for the text/call. Fill your life with awesome.

I like the last line.

fill your life with awesome

Oh well it turns out in my case she was dating a guy for a week, (I never knew she said they were just hanging out) Then split up with him. The day she split up with him she text me saying "hows things". I ignored it.

My boy!

Keep us posted with updates. Stay strong. She will text again.

Wow, this thread has been just what I needed to hear.

I am well on the way to filling my life with awesome, but have most definitely been falling for some classic pitfalls.

My ex broke up with me 5 days ago. But the day after, I knew she was out clubbing, and I marched into the club acting Alpha to find her kissing an orbitter (he's taller and younger than me but I dwarf his intelligence). I separated them and gave her the WTF speech, "its not even been 24 hours". Talked to her for about 10 minutes away from the orbitter, and left.

Initiated no contact.

She texted me 2 days later and I cave. Kicked myself.

Waited some more and she texts me again. I want my harkachu, no mind games.
I had been fending her off with my text replies trying to keep her at arms reach.

I know she is spendng time with the afforementioned orbitter. But she also arranged to have lunch with me tomorrow. And I again caved and am picking her up.

How do I play it?

There hasn't been any significant break down from her yet. And I'm not really in a position yet to change the frame. But there is obvious still interest.

Oneitis definitely.

gg.. just bail on lunch lolz.

nah don't listen to me. I'm as curious to know an answer to this as you are.

In my opinion you should
A) completely blow her off and not respond to any text or calls for 2 weeks or until she breaks down.

B)Text her and tell her "I can't hang today sorry". That's it, don't send nothing else. If she ask what came up don't tell her anything cause really it's none of her business anyway.

Really what your trying to do is get her vested into you. Force her to put in to the relationship to get something out of it. Your the catch, she has to work for you. If she won't, than fuck her she ain't worth it.

Oneitis sucks lol

Thanks guys, a little update.

So I was all set to go to the lunch, yeah I know, I wasn't taking your advice...

That was until she texted 3 hours before trying to make it a later time. I had already put a time constraint on the meet, but I said it was ok as long as it was only half an hour or so later. She then tried to postpone until next week, at which point I had had enough.
I told her that she seemed to be making it clear that she didn't want to. So we shouldn't bother with the meet up.

She replied with an immediate WTF?! And then got angry. Then ten minutes later tried to call me twice. I didn't answer.

She then texted me, litterally begging me to call her.

Now I was thinking that I should leave it a few days maybe even a week like suggested. But something told me to call her anyway.

I did and she broke down over the phone, full blown tears, pleading not to let us have thrown away our 11 months together. She made it clear she still has strong feelings for me and wanted to meet up soon. I said I would have to think about it, but I would let her know.

We both had Saturday off and the weather was great so I texted her inviting her out for a bike ride through the forest (my favourite date type). She texted back agreeing and also later that night sent me a couple of texts along the lines of; "I remember when you first told me you loved me when we lying in bed and how amazing it made me feel, I do miss you.."

So we went out the next day and it was great and went perfectly until I didn't do a very good job responding to a question, upon which there was an immediate mood swing and she wanted to go home. Thankfully in the car on the way back I managed to save it and just before we got back to hers, she suggested an immpromtu shopping trip (my second favourite date type, lol), I agreed and we went.
The shopping trip was brilliant, me making silly jokes and being funny and pulling dhv, her laughing a lot and being very receptive to my kino. We went home both feeling wonderful and we hugged and I kissed her forehead and left and went to work.

She then text me when I was at work; "I know you probably don't want to hear this but I don't care, I don't even want to go out tonight (she was meant to be meeting her friends) all I want to do is stay in and cuddle up with you."

I played it cool and agreed that the day had been a lovely and we should do it again sometime.

She then texted me much later "Sleep well harkachu x x x"

I texted her this morning and then I think perhaps made an error of telling her I would call her tonight. Was that a bad call? She hasn't texted me since her sign off last night. I think I should call her now anyway as she had a thing about me saying I would call when we were together and then forgetting to. And if I don't call her she could be mistaken for thinking that I haven't changed...

I dunno, I think things are going better, but I don't want to blow it now I feel like I'm getting somewhere.

Thoughts?

I know all this attention feels great, but you must realize: she is enjoying the perks of being your girlfriend WITHOUT being your girlfriend. Monopolizing your attention.

There are no titles.

She could wake up tomorrow, decide she's going to be with someone else, and technically, she can.

If you want her back officially, I'd say hang out with her a little less and on the days you don't hang out, lose any and all contact. Drop off the face of the earth. And until she puts faith, heart, something more into your relationship, you don't owe her any explanation.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Hey Guys,

Just thought I'd post here before I do something stupid.

Really tempted to call my ex.
Getting this real uneasy feeling and the thought has crossed my mind a couple times.
Don't know whether the uneasy feeling is because a friend mentioned her or whether it's just because I have a couple assignments due and an presentation tomorrow for uni.

Any response welcome and appreciated

I hear that. And that's what I have done.

She got a new job on Monday, and she rang me to tell me. Good/bad?

I congratulated her and we had a good talk for about 20 minutes. Didn't really talk about 'us' which was nice to be honest. She then asked to arrange lunch for today, which I agreed to, but then had to cancel for legitimate reasons.
She obviously got pissed off and rang me to have a go at me. I talked to her, calmed her down and we ended the conversation amicably in fact she seemed pretty friendly but perhaps a little distant. During the conversation she said that she thought not seeing me much was making her get over me. But she didn't say that's what she wanted and if anything implied the opposite. She also asked to see me for lunch on Friday. I have tentatively agreed. But we haven't arranged a specific time yet.

She later texted me Thank you for being nice to her even though she flipped out and again congratulating her on her new job. I saying no problem.

She just texted me "Hope you're ok x" to which I haven't replied.

Need help gauging what's going on between us.

Great thread!

What i did to get over your "EX" that you still love is just improve and get your shit together. You will get so much more confidence because of this!

However i did not contact my ex for about 5 weeks now and she haven't either. I am the one that got dumped and ever since we did not speak. She deleted me off facebook and we didn't end things friendly.

Strange enough i still check up on her shit from time to time and for whatever fucking reason it still hurts me to see her chilling with some low life retards who will use her for sex only. She is young and naive. She also saids she loves one of those failures on her SPAM status so she either moved on or is trying to make me jealous because i got as status going to movies with this girl saturday.

I was doing great at forgetting my ex but i think i really need to get into a new relationship or meet a ton of girls to forget about her.

_________________
Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.

don't know if this means much but ex tried to add me last night during the bayern chelsea match but seems like she cancelled the request by the time I saw it (think it was 30 minutes ago when I saw it)

don't know whether it's an attempt at getting my attention or a misclick

It's never a miss click. I would guess its an attention seeking action. The fact she withdrew it is interesting. Either she hasn't made up her mind whether she actually wants to hear from you, or it's a way of getting you to initiate contact. Tough one, you need someone who knows more than I do to answer that.


An update on my situation:

So I went for lunch with my ex (we've been apart now for 2 weeks) on Friday. I picked her up (yeah, probably should've made her meet me) we went into town and had lunch.

We talked about anything and everything. She mentioned that few guys had started talking to her on facebook/bbm out of the blue, I guess a jealousy shit test. And I just replied that she should have to expect that kind of thing now that everyone knows she is single.

After, we went shopping, I needed to buy a few things. The most interesting thing that occurred is when I thought about buying a t-shirt with a Brazilian flag on it (she is half brazilian) and she got a bit annoyed and said that I shouldn't be buying things like that anymore now that we're not together. She persisted and made it uncomfortable between us for a couple of minutes before saying in a cynical manner, "its ok, you can buy it if you want" I didn't buy it in the end and she immediately improved her mood.

I took her home we had a nice chat in the car and when we got to hers I walked her to her door hugged her and squeezed her hand and visibly only just held back the tears when saying goodbye.

I then texted her that night; "Thank you for today, princess (her nickname) I'm going to find it hard, but you have made it better by being so lovely! Hope you have a great night out tomorrow x x x"

Now my phone game can be hit and miss but her reply seemed positive: ":-) thank you, I hope you're ok, and you know whenever you're ready to talk/meet up, I'll be here x"

Has she just friendzoned me?

I should end this by quoting her recent FB posts that could be related to me.

She posted a song called 'I wont give up (on us)' and quoted Lana Del Rey Lyrics (lol) 'You fit me better than my favourite sweater'. The context implied again seems favourable towards me, is it?

Finally I changed my FB status to single yesterday and got a couple of likes from girls I know as well as a couple of consoling comments from good buddies.

How are my chances looking now? I'm in no contact now for sure. The next time we're definitely seeing each other is 23rd June to see the Chilli Peppers in concert. Also it would have been our 1 year anniversary on 1st June, I want to send her some of her favourite flowers, should I?

Meanwhile I am completely filling my life with awesome. Fittest I've ever been, playing lots of sports/working out. I think the biggest problem that I can see is that she thinks, 'yes he is doing all this stuff, but why couldn't he have done it all when we were together?' Is this a big sticking point to future happiness between us?