Someone please give me some tips!

Me and my girlfriend have been together for about a year.
We have a great relationship but I can't help feeling so jealous from time to time.

When she goes out with her work friends or I see her in facebook pics with other guys.

Of course she's 100% loyal to me but I still get a sinking feeling caused by jealousy.

I want us to both be happy, I know a little jealousy is okay in a relationship.

Can someone offer me some tips? Do I just need to relax?

Don't be a paranoid. You just have to relax and chill out. Keep here turned on and nothing will happen. I have a few gf's that like men who are jealous but not to the point that they are stalking them and always interrogating them. If your relationship is built with pure trust and honesty, there is nothing to worry about.

To quote myself:
I hope that helps a bit. =)

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Cheers Wolf,

You're right. I have better game then most guys she's gunna meet.

Thanks for the help.

A little more relaxed now, always helps massively to talk it through with you guys.

Keep on sarging bro', seeing other girls, you'll be WAY less jealous and more prepared for the break up.
Also your game will improve, and so will your relationship with your girl

_________________
I love the game more than you baby

Member of the lair Cercle des Players Parisiens

Improve your inner game. You are the prize. She cheats, she's gone. Simple. Why waste mental energy worrying? You can make her aware of this via a story e.g. "my friends girlfriend cheated on him and he took her back. I don't get this guy, if someone cheats on me she's gone".

If your game is good you know you can get another girl easily. Jealousy comes from insecurity and lack of options. You loose this one you can get another. Realise "She's not like other girls" is bullshit. There are so many amazing girls out there.

Give her the best sex of her life (foreplay, oral, dominance, fantasies, introducing her to new things). Why would she bother to go elsewhere for sex if she is fully satisfied with you? Quite a few girls have told me good sex is hard to find. If they have it they won't want to let it go or risk loosing it. Know that sex a gift you give to a girl (the opposite frame is poison). It's a bigger deal for a girl (when was the last time you screamed uncontrollably, spasmed, and came 5 times?). Make her cum every time you have sex. She will associate you with orgasm.

Make her do things for you. If she goes out of her way to join your life, do you favours, she has invested more in the relationship and subconsciously that will make her feel more into you. A girl in love is less likely to cheat.

Finally keep improving yourself. Other girls will notice you and that fear of competition / loosing you will keep her faithful. It also makes you more interesting and that's attractive. You also won't have time to stalk her Facebook if you have a life mission you are working towards.

If you can't help be jealous of this girl, leave her and go find another, or stay casual until you have mastered this emotion. Being jealous makes you needy. That's unattractive. It's likely she will loose attraction and end things or cheat because of your behaviour. It's also not a nice way to live and distracts you from your life purpose.

When it comes to jealousy, I believe the the inner game solution is only half the answer. It teaches you how to minimize your jealousy, but not how to deal with it. Imagine hypothetically that the OP controlled his jealousy by firmly believing "she would never leave me for someone else." Then imagine she does happen to leave him for someone else. It displaces him from the reality he set up to deal with the symptoms - i e; it does not address the source.

I read somewhere once that the jealousy instinct was the strongest force in men (more so than the survival instinct) and the mother instinct the strongest one in women. The impulse itself is wrought within the definition of being a man - it will never completely vanish within the context of any relationship. You will feel it here and there, it is inevitable. That means the key is to not only minimize it through inner game, but to not let it dominate your emotions, your reality, or your sense of control. You must LET GO. When you master yourself, you will be a master of her.

You cannot stop her from cheating by being overprotective or acting on your jealousy. It will only hurt your relationship by making you more insecure. What you can do is draw a line in the sand and tell yourself that if she chooses to risk your relationship in that way, it’s over. But asking her “who are you going out with?” trying to keep her from hanging out with slutty friends, or butchering her with interrogative questions will never, ever prevent her from cheating. If a girl WANTS to cheat on you, she will find a way to cheat on you. You can try and maintain a healthy relationship, you can keep her interest level high, you can build a strong sense of trust, but you CANNOT impede on her freedom in a way that will proactively stop her from cheating. Acting on your jealousy will never accomplish anything.


Life is a risk, love is a risk. It doesn't matter how Alpha you are, there is no such thing as security or a 100% fail safe relationship. As long as you struggle for a feeling of security, you will remain struggling for it. Entropy is the way of the universe. It is futile; the moment you STOP seeking utopia is the moment you arrive in it. Learn to let go. You must KNOW, not fear, that your girlfriend might cheat on you, that you might lose her, that she might leave you for someone else, that she might lose interest in you, or a myriad of other things.

To summarize, solving jealousy is a two step mental leap. The first step is to not give a fuck about jealousy antics because you are confident enough within yourself. The second step is to face the fear of LEGITIMATE JEALOUSY. What if she really were thinking about cheating on you? It's not the end of life. You would dump her and move on. You can overcome anything.

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My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

My personal point of view.

I think you never stop being jealous. It just goes into a greater comfort zone over time.
It is true that the initial stages of a new relationship are usually "honeymoon", and it seems like the drive to cheat is at its lowest. But it is also true that those first stages are when you least know the other person and the other person least knows you. You are walking into each other's lives and figuring each other out. It is also true that in this phase the investment on the relationship is at the lowest. You two have probably dated for several weeks, even a few months, some money has been spent (dinners, gas, ..). But you could substantially walk out in this stage with little collateral damage.
This is when jealousy is high (buyer's remorse, sudden fear of being trapped in a commitment, just misjudgment of the other person's trustworthiness ==> jealousy for no good reason).

Personally, I tend to trust but subtly verify in those early stages. I know that if I let my own jealous self out in the wild it would discourage every reasonable human being from seeing me every again. I give trust, but look for hints, and if something looks weird, I speak out. Plus, of course, the new girl will have been lectured on "you cheat, I find out, you're gone".

Over time, you know each other better. You know each other's defects, have had arguments and made up for those. The mutual investment is higher. She knows your friends, you know hers. Maybe she has even been "home" to mom and dad, and so have you. Walking away on each other is harder as days pass by. The temptation might be there, but human beings easily fall prey to habits. There needs to be a strong drive to walk away and return out in the wild.
At this stage, after several months, there is a comfort zone, where lacking an external triggering factor, the jealousy is dormant (everything has gone well for 6 months, I got no weird vibes, why worry?)

In this phase, I might even play more jealous than I truly am. Some occasional non-suffocating jealousy sends the right vibes.

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Word

The best game in the world presents a good defense, but it is not the solution, anything can happen at anytime, so you have to not be so emotionally fragile that you cant deal with it, win or lose.

Since you are inherently a jealous person it seems by your own testimony you need to deal with your problem. Developing the worlds best PUA game alone wont solve your inner pathological insecurities.

So welll put!

-TA

Thank you so much guys, you all help so much!

Think you are the prize, that you have other girls if she dump you. It goes well for me...