Hi,

I'm 38.
Based in London, UK.
A scriptwriter also working full time for the NHS.
I got into 'game' after contracting 'oneitis' with this girl at work who I've been pursuing since December 2011!

I've had 'oneitis' before and it seemed to be a recurring disease with me until recently. i always wondered why certain girls i couldnt get rid of and others i couldnt ever get. now i know. the girls i couldnt get rid of i had no interest in and the ones i couldn't get or keep hold of i displayed too much interest.

this dating 'game' is a very paradoxical one i must say. if you express outwardly something you feel inwardly you lose it...

I bought David DeAngelo's Double Your Dating circa September 2010 after splitting with my long time girlfriend who was a (unbeknownst to me at the time)compulsive 'tester' and deeply insecure to boot.

I'e also done an NLP practitioner course and read milllions of self help books and listened to the audio cds by tony robbins and everyone else who did one.

i've read the bible OT and NT, the Koran, Bhagavad Gita, Buddhism, Scientology etc etc.

i have a BA and an MA.

I'm quite good looking and never had a problem with the ladies. normally used to them approaching me (although only for sex) but now in my 30s find it doesnt work that way now. my inner game was seerly lacking.

Since getting 'oneitis' I have scoured the internet for information about how girlst 'test' which has really opened my mind about how girls work. Up until recently I had no clue as to how or why they did the things they did. I just thought they didnt make sense. Now with a better understanding of how and why girls test it makes perfect sense and i am now better armed to deal with these tests.

I plan to do the newbie mission this weekend. it sounds fun.

Good luck with the newbie mission tell us all how you get on

Will do. But first more about this girl at work. Purely to crystallise the situation in my own head more than anything.

She joined our department last March. Totally not my type. Although 22 looked around 16! Girl next door type. Shy, mousey, wallflower type. Also she had a boyfriend. Didn't give her a second glance.

The job involves working late shifts meaning working alone with just one other from 5-8pm. During these shifts we get to know one another. She is is always asking questions such as...Rufas can I ask you a question every five minutes. Usually I am trying to read the internet so would normally answer her question without taking eyes off screen.

At some point we start emailing each other At first its just work related but soon it becomes friendly and then it becomes flirtatious and then very flirtatious. she has a very fun, sexual side to her. Last December for some reason I tell her she is not my type and that I don't need people so thank you very much but no thanks. She gets VERY upset like she is going to cry. We go outside to talk and she gets me to reveal that i actually like her. although in hindsight that could have been another test which i failed miserably again. damn these girls are ingenious!

Here is where i think i screwed things up:

at this point she says 'now we've laid our cards on the table, i think we should do nothing.' In hindsight i can see that this clearly a test. i fail miserably by agreeing. she then continues testing by saying 'let's just forget about it'. again i fail the test by saying 'forgotten'! I can't believe what a wuss I was. as this was not what i wanted to do.

So, since then i've been trying to get ourselves back in that situation so that i can rectify my mistake. here's what happened.

In january she got moved to another department which is only on the other side of the room so i still see her every day. it isn't long before we are emailing each other all day every day again. i'm using cocky funny and she seems to be receptive but it isn't as flirtatious as i would like it to be. by february! i try and pin this girl down by telling her i missed her on the weekend. she gets scared. i ask her in a good way or bad way. she refuses to answer the question.

by march i really lose it, and end up texting her how i feel!!! she says she only wants to be friends. i buy her a jar of hot chocolate as a peace offering. again in march at a drinks do i am following her around, telling her my feelings and also again let slip she's not my type. she gets upset again. but in general i am getting the 'only friends' reply. a colleague lets slip she likes me and i text her again i get the 'friends' response to which i say thats fine but sooner or later this heat between us will rise to the surface.

by april i discover she has split with her bfriend but she says it had nothing to do with me and again get the 'only friends' response. in frustration i say thats fine but id rather we were just colleagues. less of a mind fuck.

in may after graduation i decide to seek counsel from some lapdancers whilst practising how to talk to girls. one particularly fine lapdancer who im chatting to all night advises i be friends with my colleague as she probably thinks i was only interested in sex she gives me her email address to keep her posted about what hapens.

i text my colleague and apologise for being a jerk and hope we can still be friends. she texts back almost imediately to say we still can. i text back 2 hours later saying cool. she texts back immediately to say 'coolness'.

at work nothing is said between her and me. the next day i break the ice by saying hello. she turns to me and says hello. we are just staring at each other (she does this a lot. holds extreme eye contact and just stares). i smile. she smiles. we go back to work. later that day i email her to break further ice. she says probably best not by email i ask if she'd prefer me to shout across the room. she says 'lol, well no.' i say i would suggest a face to face conversation but dont want to make her uncomfortable. she says maybe when the opportunity comes up. i say we could meet after work. she suggests i join her and her friend at lunch. i suggest we meet for lunch alone. she says she doesnt want to ditch her friend. i agree. she then asks me if i would pick up some shopping from house of fraser that evening! i say i agreed to ber her friend not her slave. she lols. i see this as a clear test and then decide to cancel lunch.

next day i say good morning to her and she seems moody. doesnt look up. i ask her if she found someone to do her shopping for her. she says yeah. i say cool. not a word is spoken between us nor a look/email exchanged for the rest of the day. she seems to be ignoring me which i am taking as another test because it seems a little strange. we were happily emailing each other the other day and now we've gone cold again. strange behaviour from someone who supposedly just wants to be friends, no?

and so i decide to ignore her back. i dont see what else i'm supposed to do. i'm certainly not going to go up to her and ask her what's wrong, or can we be friends or why aren't you talking to me? im a bit scared that it will be a stale mate and nothing will come of it and sometimes feel like caving in and approaching her and saying please talk to me...lol but i'm not going to...the way i see it, she is either testing me to see how much of a man or wuss i am or she is plainly not interested in me as a friend or lover. either way, to do nothing in this instance seems to be the best thing. that way i can keep my dignity in tact.

so thats the story so far..

By the way, i know everyone has probably heard the women/cat analogy by now but i actually did learn my biggest lesson about cats/women with a cat.

i had just moved in to my friends flat. his sister had a cat. i was home a lot and tried to bond with this cat but she didnt want to know. when i picked her up and brought her to my room she just walked out.

eventually i said fuck her. if she's going to be like that then let her. so i stayed in my room and ignored the cat. soon enough the cat would sit outside my room. the next day it would come into my room and sit by the door. the next day it came further and further until eventually it was lying by my side as i read my books.

quite a valuable lesson that was in how expending the least energy can get you better results.

Rufas, welcome.

If I may make a suggestion - find your target demographic and implant that into your skull.

For me: I'm 45. My target demo are ladies between 35 - 55. I'll make a snap-judgement. If I feel she's within that criteria, I'll investigate further. If I'm sarging, I'll not even notice a young 20-year old. It's a waste of my time, and equals mental-masturbation. I move on to my targets and go in for the kill.

As a rule, don't fuck co-workers. Never shit where you eat.

Best of luck. I don't answer a lot of "Introduce Yourself" threads.... I dig your style. I think you 'get it'.

RR

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Hey thanks for the advice RetiredRodeo.

I guess oneitis is quite strong. i'm sure i'll have a different perspective after my newbie mission this weekend.