Hi,

Let me start by saying I succumbed to beta mode again, although I'm not sure I ever fully left it to begin with. Anyway I am trying to get back on my feet.

Heres a bit of history to my story:

I was doing well about a year ago with girls. It wasn't just with girls, it was with myself. I internlized my goals and had a confidence in everything I did. I was at a point where I had a "its my world, and you can be part of it or not" a kind of whatever attitude. Total wolf attitude.

I eventually met a girl and we dated for almost 8 months. I was a little bit of everything dominant, supportive, aloof, cutesy, whatever the situation called for. One thing I never was was needy or jealous. In fact I guarded myself from these attachment feelings by cheating (kinda shitty but wtvrs). 7 times to be exact. Yet I always came back, I knew she was the "one" and eventually I realized I was too much of an asshole and decided to be nice. Well guess what? exactly one month after my change of attitude she left and I became a complete fucking suck up.

It started when she began hanging around her a serious ex-bf. I at first didn't care or say anything when he started making obvious passes at her. Eventually after 3 weeks I began to tell her it bothered me and that it was not okay with me. Another week and no change so I decided I don't need a girl who doesn't care about my feelings, so I broke up with her.

sadly, i succumbed and sucked up. to the point where i sent total afc messages, and gifts. It got so bad that she utterly lost respect for me and knew I was on call and just there. Turns out that after a month of breaking up she is now officially seeing this guy. What bugs me is wether I was right and she did have something for him or that I wasn't strong enough and succumbed to jealousy and pushed her into him.


any way needless to say, even though I still have faint feelings towards her I realize and accept that is never meant to be again. I can not and will not allow myself to further degrade myself by going back to someone that did that.


there is the issue of getting back on the horse though, like I said I had no problem getting others girls even when I was with her, but ever since we broke up its like I have almost no motivation. I've been having slight improvements with this in the last couple of days.

And so my road to recovery has begun. oh and btw being single is awesome!

Wow dude, I am literally in the same boat. What are your plans? getting back on your feet or try to get back with her?

get back on the horse and start new by just focusing on me.